Opinion
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
4A — Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Alanna Berger
Zack Blumberg
Emily Considine
Joel Danilewitz
Cheryn Hong

Krystal Hur
Ethan Kessler
Magdalena Mihaylova
Mary Rolfes
Michael Russo

Timothy Spurlin
Miles Stephenson
Joel Weiner
Erin White 
Lola Yang

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ALANNA BERGER | COLUMN

Handling mental health during the holidays

We must learn from #NousToutes

T

he 
holiday 
season 
is 
touted by society as the 
most wonderful time of 
the year. Cheerful music, cheesy 
movies and bright decorations 
abound as soon as Halloween 
passes. 
However, 
for 
many 
Americans, the holiday season is 
one to dread. Along with tidings 
of comfort and joy, the holidays 
bring the pressures of large family 
gatherings, parties among friends, 
an abundance of unhealthy foods 
and obligations to spend money 
on gifts. Coupled with the colder, 
darker weather, the onset of the 
holiday season can leave many 
feeling overwhelmed, anxious and 
depressed. Despite the crushing 
expectations to have fun and enjoy 
the merriment of the holidays, it is 
possible to survive the season with 
your sanity intact. 
There are a multitude of reasons 
why the holiday season is difficult 
for many. Some individuals and 
families find the holidays highlight 
the absence of loved ones they 
have lost, whether through death 
or some other means. An empty 
chair at a dinner table — a concrete 
reminder of a missing person 
— may be easier to look past at 
other times of the year. Moreover, 
holiday family gatherings can 
bring back painful memories of a 
departed person and times shared 
during happier seasons. To cope 
with the grief that accompanies 
the holidays, it is important to 
first consciously acknowledge that 
the season will be emotionally 
difficult. Grief is often a taboo 
subject, especially during the 
holidays. 
However, 
Rachel 
Thomas, president of OptionB, 
an organization that provides 
resources to those facing grief or 
other adversity, says social support 
can make all the difference to a 
grieving person. In order to best 
support someone in your life who 
is grieving, be sure to provide open 
invitations to holiday festivities, 
but do not pressure them into 
attendance if they seem unwilling. 
If you are able, gifting a donation in 
memory of the lost loved one may 
be a welcome gesture that provides 
comfort during a difficult season. 

Beyond grief, individuals with 
active eating disorders or those 
in recovery often experience an 
increase in their symptoms during 
the holiday season. As most of the 
major holidays — especially in the 
United States — center around 
food, people who struggle with 
anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating 
or other related disorders may 
feel a profound sense of panic. 
The prospect of eating under the 
watchful eyes of large groups 
of friends and family in social 
situations can cause many to fall 
further into patterns of disordered 
eating. Many people with anorexia 
in particular often do not know 
what a normal amount of food is for 
them and fear eating any amount 
will cause immediate weight gain. 
This fear is then compounded by 
the feeling that everyone nearby 
is watching and intensely judging 
the amount of food they are eating. 
When bulimia, the cycle of binge-
eating and purging, is involved, 
the abundance of food may 
present feelings of excitement and 
immense shame, as well as self-
hatred and fear over the prospect 
of their loved ones finding out 
about their struggles. The family 
and friends of someone struggling 
with 
disordered 
eating 
can 
provide support by refraining from 
commenting on their loved one’s 
food or their own eating habits 
during the holiday season. It can 
also be helpful to make time for 
holiday activities that do not focus 
on food, such as watching movies or 
singing carols. Most importantly, 
patience and kindness are integral 
to helping a loved one cope with 
their eating disorder throughout 
the holiday season. 
Anxiety and depression are 
often prevalent during the holidays 
as well. The demands of cooking, 
gift-buying, cleaning, throwing or 
attending parties and the overall 
pressure to “perform happiness” 
can be isolating. Furthermore, 
the looming new year can present 
feelings 
of 
inadequacy 
over 
lack of achievements of goals 
set at the start of the year. For 
many others, attending holiday 
parties full of coworkers, friends 

or 
family 
members 
presents 
crippling social anxiety and may 
increase feelings of isolation in 
those with depression. According 
to the Anxiety and Depression 
Association 
of 
America, 
de-stressing and handling holiday-
related depression can involve 
simple acts, such as avoiding the 
obligation to say yes to all holiday-
related gatherings you may be 
invited to, avoiding excessive use of 
alcohol or drugs and maintaining 
healthy habits through eating and 
other forms of self-care. 
The holiday season may be 
difficult 
even 
for 
individuals 
without 
diagnosed 
mental 
illnesses. Those with jobs in retail 
often find what is supposed to 
be a joyful time dampened by 
managing customers on their 
worst behavior. Others may find 
that the repetition of the same 
songs, movies and traditions grates 
on their sanity. If you find yourself 
among these groups, understand 
that such feelings are common. 
Northwestern Memorial Hospital 
psychiatrist Michael Ziffra, M.D. 
emphasizes the importance of 
skipping holiday activities that 
you do not enjoy. Alternatives 
include buying gifts online if you 
cannot stand crowded shopping 
malls. Because the holidays are 
often hectic and disruptive, it is 
important to stay as close to your 
normal schedule as possible to 
maintain some sort of normalcy, 
says Ziffra. Clinical psychologist 
John 
E. 
Mayer 
recommends 
setting aside a part of your holiday 
budget to buy yourself something 
you have wanted for some time as 
a means to ease the holiday blues. 
If you still find yourself struggling, 
reach out to a trusted loved one to 
confide your difficulties. The same 
goes for if you notice someone 
close to you seems to be having a 
hard time. Getting through the 
busy holiday season can seem 
impossible, but there are ways to 
manage the abundance of emotions 
that often surface around the end 
of the calendar year. 

MARISA WRIGHT | COLUMN

Alanna Berger can be reached at 

balanna@umich.edu.

I

n France, one woman dies 
every two days from a man 
committing domestic violence. 
In the United States, three women 
die per day at the hands of men 
perpetrating domestic violence.
On Saturday, Nov. 23, about 
150,000 people across France — from 
Paris to Bordeaux to Lyon — gathered 
in protest of growing rates of femicide 
in France. Femicide is the killing of 
a woman or girl on account of her 
gender by a man. Since the start of 
2019, 137 women have died from 
gender-based violence in France.
The outrage over the rise in 
femicide in France was sparked by 
the murder of Julie Douib by her 
husband, Bruno Garcia Cruciani. 
Douib reported domestic violence to 
the French police over a dozen times, 
including an incident where she told 
police she was afraid her husband, 
who had a gun license, might shoot 
her. The police told her they could 
not do anything until her husband 
actually pointed a gun at her. Two 
days later, Douib’s husband shot and 
killed her. 
Douib’s murder was emblematic 
of the danger domestic violence poses 
to women and the obstacles women 
face when reporting violence to 
police. A French dialogue began and 
led to the #NousToutes movement, 
which organized the protests on 
Saturday. #NousToutes translates 
to “All of Us,” but takes the French 
feminine verb form, meaning “All of 
Us Women.” It was founded in the 
summer of 2019 as an extension of the 
#MeToo movement, or the French 
equivalent #BalanceTonPorc, to call 
attention to the widespread gender-
based violence men commit against 
women in France. This gender-based 
violence includes domestic abuse, 
domestic violence, sexual assault, 
rape and other forms of sexual 
violence. 
More than just a protest march, 
the 
#NousToutes 
grassroots 
movement has pushed change in 
France. Though French President 
Emmanuel Macron has failed to 
keep his promises of making gender 
equality the “great national cause,” 
 
the French government opened a 
national debate on gender-based 
violence and femicide. After Macron 
admitted on Facebook that France 
“couldn’t manage to protect” women 
from femicide and intimate-partner 

violence, he announced a three-
month series of conferences involving 
government 
officials, 
women’s 
rights groups, lawyers, prosecutors 
and victims’ families to work on 
preventing femicide and supporting 
domestic violence victims.
By some measures, domestic 
violence is more prevalent and 
destructive in the U.S. than in France, 
with 29 percent of American women 
experiencing physical violence by a 
partner compared to the 26 percent 
of French women. While France is 
taking steps to protect women from 
violent men, the U.S. seems to be 
ignoring the problem, which enables 
men to continue to abuse and violate 
women. Republicans in the U.S. are 
actively blocking a law designed to 
protect women and punish abusers of 
any gender. 
In 
the 
U.S. 
House 
of 
Representatives 
this 
year, 
157 
Republicans 
voted 
against 
reauthorizing the Violence Against 
Women Act (VAWA) at the urging of 
the National Rifle Association. The 
bill was first passed in 1994 as the 
first federal legal acknowledgement 
of domestic and sexual violence, 
making them crimes and providing 
federal assistance to combat violence 
against women. While the VAWA 
Reauthorization did ultimately pass 
the House, the Republican-controlled 
Senate, led by Sen. Mitch McConnell, 
R-Ky., has refused to even take a vote 
on the bill. 
While the VAWA Reauthorization 
is important for addressing gender-
based violence in the U.S., it seems 
it will be stalled in the Senate until 
Democrats gain a majority, which 
is unlikely to happen soon given 
Republican voter suppression efforts.
In the meantime, feminists and 
activists can work to gain support 
for the Equal Rights Amendment, 
which has renewed hopes for passage 
after Democrats gained a majority in 
the Virginia House of Delegates in 
the 2019 election. The Equal Rights 
Amendment, proposed in 1923 by the 
National Women’s Party, is “designed 
to guarantee equal legal rights for 
all American citizens regardless of 
sex.” The amendment attempts to 
end legal distinctions between men 
and women regarding elements like 
divorce, property and employment.
The main clause of the ERA states, 
“Equality of rights under the law 

shall not be denied or abridged by 
the United States or by any state on 
account of sex.” The U.S. Constitution 
does not promote this. 
Passed by the U.S. House of 
Representatives in 1972 and similarly 
ignored by the Senate, the ERA was 
ratified by 35 states, falling three 
states short of the required 38 before 
a 1982 deadline. It failed, in part, 
because of the efforts of conservative 
activist and strident anti-feminist 
Phyllis Schafly.
In 2017, Nevada became the 36th 
state to ratify the ERA, and one year 
later, Illinois became the 37th. While 
many express concerns these efforts 
might be in vain, some legal scholars 
question if the House had the 
authority to place a deadline on the 
amendment in the first place. Even 
if a court rules it did, then the House 
also has the authority to remove 
the original 1982 deadline. With a 
Democratic majority in the House, 
the ERA could therefore be passed 
in 2020, which also happens to be the 
100th anniversary of the Nineteenth 
Amendment.
While the ERA is not specifically 
aimed at ameliorating domestic 
violence, a constitutional guarantee 
that rights cannot be abridged on the 
basis of sex can force law enforcement 
to protect women against domestic 
violence. In the 2005 case Town 
of Castle Rocks v. Gonzales, the 
U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the 
Fourteenth Amendment does not 
compel state law enforcement to 
enforce restraining orders protecting 
women against domestic violence. 
The ERA could fix this.
The 
U.S. 
desperately 
needs 
to 
address 
domestic 
violence, 
particularly that of men who commit 
violence against women. Domestic 
violence also affects men, though at 
far lower rates, and is not exclusive 
to heterosexual relationships. In 
the U.S., nearly one in three women 
and one in nine men will experience 
rape, physical violence or stalking by 
a partner. 
The U.S. should emulate the 
French #NousToutes movement. 
Like France, we have a domestic 
violence epidemic. Passing the Equal 
Rights Amendment is the first legal 
step to ending it. 

Marisa Wright can be reached at 

marisadw@umich.edu.

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BRITTANY BOWMAN | COLUMN

The toxicity of American holiday traditions
T

hanksgiving was first 
celebrated in the late 19th 
century. It embraces a 
whitewashed history of Native 
Americans sitting down happily 
with the Pilgrims to celebrate a 
successful year of harvest, and most 
importantly, life. The story touts 
that the Native Americans taught 
the Pilgrims how to hunt turkey 
and plant corn, and with their 
freshly harvested crops and fire-
roasted bird, everyone celebrated 
and feasted together. This joyous 
ideal is what we are taught all 
throughout 
elementary 
school, 
something consequently ingrained 
in our consciousness. It is explained 
that this holiday is a time for “giving 
thanks” and conscious cultural 
appropriation. In peppy, youthful 
classes all across America, students 
fashion feathered headdresses and 
jump around in circles, soon to sit 
down criss-cross applesauce and 
talk about how they’re thankful 
for their dog or mommy. For 
many Americans, Thanksgiving 
is a simple time to consume 
questionable turkey innards and 
steaming mashed potatoes and talk 
about “what they’re thankful for,” 
which usually involves a drowsy 
response of “each other.” However, 
for many others, Thanksgiving has 
a contentious history that goes far 
beyond the time the initial “feast” 
was held. 
Americans love traditions, but 
many are unaware of why these 
so-called traditions are so widely 
celebrated. For Native Americans, 
Thanksgiving is not a holiday 
synonymous with blessings, praise 
and gratitude. Instead, it is a 
reminder of the dark history of the 
past four centuries that is rarely 
told transparently. 
In his article, “Why I’m not 
Thankful 
for 
Thanksgiving,” 
Michael Dorris, an American 
novelist, scholar and member 
of 
the 
Modoc 
Tribe, 
wrote, 
“Considering that virtually none 
of the standard fare surrounding 
... Thanksgiving contains an ounce 
of authenticity, historical accuracy 
or cross-cultural perception, why 
is it so apparently ingrained? Is it 
necessary for the North American 
psyche to perpetually exploit and 
debase its victims in order to justify 
its history?”
At the whitewashed feast that is 
so well celebrated today, the sitting 
down and breaking of bread with 
Native Americans was a prelude to 
one of the worst acts of genocide in 
the history of our planet. America 
is built on an endless stream of 
broken promises from invaders 
who exploited and commiserated 
the indigenous people of the land 
they “founded.” With this in mind, 
let Natives express their trauma 
over “Thanksgiving” and genocide 
without tone policing them or 
reprimanding them on how they 
are “making others feel bad” about 
wanting to celebrate an entirely 
commercial holiday. Just as there 
was backlash against the movement 
to rename racist sports teams, such 
as the Washington Redskins, non-
Natives are uncomfortable when 
confronted with terrible histories 

of what America has done to its 
Native people. America is not losing 
its values because “friendsgiving” 
is becoming more popular than 
Thanksgiving; People are simply 
readjusting their priorities and 
realizing 
they 
don’t 
want 
to 
continue filling their lives with 
toxic bonds for the sake of the title 
“family.” 
Thanksgiving is steeped in 
tradition, and lately, this sense of 
tradition is being threatened for 
Americans who hold their familial 
ideations and ignorance so dearly. 
Although the concept of celebrating 
the holidays with your friends 
instead of family members has 
been around for decades, the term 
“friendsgiving” has been made 
more prevalent in recent years. 
Although it’s only a simple word-
change and still the same concept, 
some people are up in arms talking 
about how America is losing its 
values by embracing friendsgiving 
and negating Thanksgiving. A 
Huffington Post article even alleged 
that “it’s precisely the absence of 
any threat to life and limb that 
makes Friendsgiving such a fail.” 
It’s claimed that people would 
rather work or spend time with 
their friends than go home to 
spend time with family around the 
holidays. However, being able to 
denounce people who make these 
decisions comes from an inherent 
place of privileged family dynamics 
and a limited perspective. 

The holidays are a hard time for 
a countless number of people. Many 
do not have functional homes with 
happy, smiling family members to 
return to. Others may face a financial 
barrier and not be able to afford to 
travel hundreds of miles or take off 
work to see family members. Flights 
home are expensive, especially 
around the holiday season, and 
people may wonder if it’s worth 
it to spend entire paychecks to go 
home to a potentially miserable 
environment. 
Consequently, 
choosing to celebrate with loved 
ones who are geographically closer 
can avoid the anxiety caused by 
making these tough monetary 
decisions. Individuals may also 
not feel comfortable being around 
family members due to past 
traumas, 
differing 
political 
or 
emotional outlooks, homophobia, 
racism, overall bigotry and so on. 
Perhaps the reasoning behind not 
wanting to see family is simpler 
and someone just doesn’t want to 
answer all their aunts and uncles’ 
menacing questions or address 
“what can you do with an English 
degree?” Having a great family 

dynamic where you can spend 
every holiday together without 
it being chaotic, stressful and 
exhausting is fantastic. However, 
this environment isn’t the case for 
plenty of people, so friendsgiving 
and other friend-centered holiday 
celebrations are new trends that 
create comfortable dynamics that 
promote inclusion and mutual well-
being among loved ones. 
In the best-case scenario, we 
choose who has access to our time 
and space, especially during the 
holiday seasons. Between seasonal 
depression, toxic families and the 
looming possibility of the death of 
relatives, sometimes reintroducing 
yourself to a family environment 
after weeks away can be very 
challenging. If you must attend 
and you become uncomfortable 
due to your identification with a 
community that is being verbally 
harassed at a family outing, 
please know you deserve better 
and so many are supporting you 
walking out. Abusive families or 
family members that are cruel, 
unaccepting and bigoted do not 
have inherent value and do not 
need to be given time — if at all 
possible. Friendsgiving is all about 
choices, and people should not be 
shamed for choosing what sets 
them at peace. It’s about celebrating 
life with people you care about and 
vice versa, not people you should 
be forced to encounter. 
Commercially 
constructed 
holidays 
with 
centuries-
old, 
genocidal 
pretenses 
should be cut out altogether. 
Friendsgiving is an obvious 
substitute, 
and 
although 
it 
may be much healthier and 
enjoyable for many without 
functional, poster families, the 
whitewashed holiday seasons 
are still a constant and looming 
trauma 
for 
Native 
peoples. 
Although the holiday is toxic 
in a variety of ways, proper 
education 
in 
the 
genocidal 
history of this feast can allow 
people to remember the trauma 
of colonization on the Native 
Americans. Over the holidays, 
we can get together with loved 
ones to mourn those who were 
murdered and lost, as well as 
their centuries of traditions and 
sacred land, by acknowledging 
the true history of America and 
Thanksgiving while giving agency 
to Native Americans. I realize 
the centuries of stolen land and 
murder may be “hard to teach,” 
but it is necessary. If you are 
priviledged enough to celebrate 
the 
holidays 
with 
a 
happy, 
functional family, please take a 
moment to examine this privilege 
and recognize the inability of 
countless families across America 
to do the same. Friendsgivings 
should be encouraged for those 
without readily accessible, stable 
and happy families, but both 
institutions 
should 
prioritize 
giving respect to Native Americans 
and remembering the trauma 
these holidays have caused. 

Brittany Bowman can be reached 

at babowm@umich.edu.

America is built 
on an endless 
stream of broken 
promises from 
invaders

