I 

planned my dream wed-
ding when I was 6 years old. I had 
met my soulmate in my kinder-
garten class, and I was positive that our 
love was going to last forever. Because of 
my deep passion for organizing, my only 
clear option was to figure out every nitty-
gritty detail of when and where we would 
tie the knot.
Summer or Winter? Summer. The wed-
ding will be outside, so it must be gor-
geous out.
Big or small? Big, with everyone I know 
in attendance.
First dance? To “If We Were a Movie” 
by Hannah Montana. Does it get more 
romantic than that?
It sounds absurd, I know.
But the idea of the beautiful white dress 
and a shiny diamond ring was something 
I knew I wanted since I was introduced 
to the concept of marriage. I had my par-

ents’ 
relation-
ship as my 
one true guide 
as to what mar-
riage looks like, and 
they were happily in love. My 
mom and dad are the kind of people who 
do what they can to constantly keep their 
romance alive. They always acted — and 
still do — as if they were two teens who 
just recently fell for each other, forever 
stuck in the honeymoon period. My dad 
would bring my mom home flowers just 
to remind her how much he loves her. My 
mom would surprise him with random 
subscriptions to * Blank * of the Month 
clubs, a gesture that undoubtedly paral-
lels his bouquet of roses. Whether it was 
the hot sauce, bacon or beer, her gifts 
were the most romantic thing my father 
could ask for.
They never left the house, hung up the 
phone, or said goodbye without saying, “I 
love you.”
Their evident happiness was what 
marriage was to me. I thought no differ-
ently for any other married couple.

With everyone around me seemingly 
following this path, life to me went as 
followed: grow up, go to college, settle 
down, get married. Marriage was the 
utmost kick-starter to a normal, happy 
life. It was the key to a successful future 
— an end goal that I had to dedicate my 
life to.
Find the perfect life partner, find the 
perfect diamond ring, find the perfect 
white dress, and you’re all set. I had 
never thought otherwise until middle 
school, when I started watching a major-
ity of my friends’ parents get divorced. 
To put a number on it, in the course of 
three years, the “happy” parents of six 
of my friends decided to end their mar-
riage. And I started questioning.
If marriage is truly centered around 
the idea of everlasting love, why do 
almost one in two marriages end in 
divorce?
It’s a question that still lingers with me 
to this day, becoming deeper and more 
complex as I further explore the topic. 
With research, I learned the implica-
tions behind matrimony and the benefits 
embedded in its original purpose. Mar-
riage began as a method of forming alli-
ances among between families, often as a 
strategic tactic in maintaining social sta-
tus in society. Marriages often involved 
dowries, or a basic trade involving money 
or property in exchange for the potential 
spouse. The beautiful white dresses we 
fantasize over about weren’t popularized 
until the marriage of Queen Victoria in 
the 1840s. The diamond rings we pray for 
weren’t tradition for the everyday person 
until De Beers changed their marketing 
tactics to increase profits in the 1930s. 
The glorification of marriage as the be-
all and end-all to happiness is a modern 
idea, disregarding the methodical and 
capitalistic reasons behind the institu-
tion.
Society has conditioned people, specif-
ically young girls, from childhood to for-
get these truths and romanticize the idea 
of marriage. It is made out to be a desir-
able fairy tale that, without it, would lead 
to a boring, miserable life of loneliness.

Though few married couples would 
admit they give into this sad truth, one 
would be ostracized for thinking other-
wise. Single parents have a stigma fol-
lowing them everywhere; couples with 
children but without a license to prove 
their love for each other are condemned. 
But the idea of marriage is inherently 
flawed within itself. It has been mis-
construed from its initial purpose and 
twisted into something straight out of a 
romantic comedy or Disney film.
To many, a relationship isn’t valid 
until the couple has said their vows, and 
love isn’t real until there is a wedding to 
prove it. But if the historical institution 
of marriage only entails a dowry and a 
tax write-off, why should people be so 
quick to give into the myth that it is the 
only way to confirm true love? A couple 
should not need a beautiful white wed-
ding dress and a shiny diamond ring to 
prove to society their love. A happy life 
should not center around a piece of paper 
claiming wedlock.
I’ve come to realize that the real con-
cept that I’ve been longing for since I was 
little was not the white dress or diamond 
ring, and definitely not the idea of mar-
riage itself. Instead, what I want is the 
love that always feels spontaneous, the 
love that always feels genuine, the love 
that always feels real. That is what my 
parents have, and somewhere along the 
way, I mistakenly attributed the unique-
ness that defines their relationship to the 
mere fact that they were married.
I may no longer know what time of 
year I plan to get married in, the size of 
the potential wedding, or the song for my 
first dance (though Hannah Montana is a 
superstar and I can’t help but let my ini-
tial choice stick). To be completely hon-
est, I’m not even positive that I want to 
get married in general. My kindergarten 
wedding was based on high hopes and 
good intentions, but I’ve come to realize 
the fantasy I hoped for has shifted.
My 6-year-old self dreamed of a perfect 
wedding. My 18-year-old self dreams of 
authentic love and happiness, regardless 
of what society deems “recognizable.”

Wednesday, February 20, 2019 // The Statement
2B

BY ANDIE HOROWITZ, 
STATEMENT COLUMNIST

The skewed 
romanticization of marriage

Managing Statement Editor

Andrea Pérez Balderrama

Deputy Editors

Matthew Harmon

Shannon Ors

 Designers

 Liz Bigham

 Kate Glad

 Copy Editors

 Miriam Francisco

 Madeline Turner

Photo Editor

Annie Klusendorf

Editor in Chief

Maya Goldman

Managing Editor

Finntan Storer
statement

THE MICHIGAN DAILY | FEBRUARY 20, 2019

ILLUSTRATION BY 
 
LAUREN KUZEE

