Wednesday, February 20, 2019 // The Statement
3B
ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTINE JEGARL
I
magine having a secret for most
of your life you have wanted to
tell someone for so long, but are
afraid of what might happen if you share
it. This was me. Until today. Today, I am
going to stop feeling alone, and embrace
who I am as a person — I am gay. This
is something I’ve known for a very long
time, but have been too afraid to share.
Ever since I was young, I had a plan
for my future. I imagined having a lov-
ing wife, happy kids and a fitting job. My
plan was detailed in this way because
this is what I was exposed to throughout
my childhood from television programs,
friends and social media. Growing up, I
always liked guys as friends but it took
me some time to realize it wasn’t only
as friends — I had feelings for them, too.
During my junior year of high school,
I started to have the idea I was gay.
But when I would have this thought, I
immediately tried to deny it, as I knew
this “plan” would not be able to exist. I
thought if I was openly gay, it would be
impossible to find love or a secure job.
This state of denial that I was in last-
ed for many years. Until very recently,
actually. And one of the reasons I believe
this denial lasted so long is because I did
not, and still do not, identify with how
the media portrays gay people.
In television, movies, interviews and
social media, gay people are all seen in
a similar fashion. They are portrayed
with a feminine look, their only interests
revolve around the arts and they only
have only female friends. While some
gay men do identify with this descrip-
tion, I believe there is much more than
one personality type for a sexuality. You
can carry some of these traits, or none
of them at all. While I am still a fan of
Broadway (typically seen as an effemi-
nate trope), I also enjoy sports, as well
as hanging out with guys — more typi-
cally masculine traits. And because the
media views gay men with one specific
label, so does the public, who interact
with different forms of media on a daily
basis. Even though there are plenty of
people who can relate to this character-
ization, I cannot. Until I got to the Uni-
versity of Michigan, I only saw people
who are gay in one light.
Finding my place at the University,
as well as my group of friends, allowed
me to feel more like myself. And while
that helped, I always thought there was
something missing — something I was
hiding from the people around me. And
over the past two years at the Univer-
sity, I discovered new aspects of my per-
sonality, and now my sexuality. But now
that I have discovered this new part of
who I am, I want the world to know I am
the same person as before.
Many times when people “come out”
to the world, people look at and treat
them differently because of their sexu-
ality. I have to admit, there was a point
in time where I may have been guilty of
doing the same. But I want to say to my
friends, family and to the world, that
being gay may change my sexuality, but
it does not change who I am as a person
— I am still me.
I am still going to have the same
friends who will support me through
difficult times I will face down the road.
I am still going to dress the same as I did
yesterday. I am still going to enjoy yell-
ing at Michigan football games when
Shea Patterson makes a bad play. But
the biggest difference between yester-
day and today is that I am open about a
secret I have not only been hiding from
the world, but also from myself.
I will be straightforward and say the
next few months will be an adjustment.
Not only for me, but also for my family
and friends. Yes, there are people who
may have had an idea for some time that
I might be gay, but I am sure some peo-
ple who I interact with on a daily basis
would not have expected it. By sharing
my secret with the world, I hope I will
be able to ease my anxieties and worries
about keeping this secret from practi-
cally everyone.
For years, I never told anyone about
my sexuality. I interacted with peo-
ple every day, and I felt like there was
something missing. But I am happy to
say that I have decided to finally be true
to myself and to stop pretending to be
someone I’m not. I now realize there is
not one description of what being gay
is supposed to look like. There are mil-
lions of different labels and every per-
son has their own. I spent a long time in
denial about something that makes up a
major part of who I am as an individual,
but today I am proud to have “come out”
to the world about who I really am.
BY ALEC COHEN, MANAGING PHOTO EDITOR
Coming out with a secret