I
planned my dream wed-
ding when I was 6 years old. I had
met my soulmate in my kinder-
garten class, and I was positive that our
love was going to last forever. Because of
my deep passion for organizing, my only
clear option was to figure out every nitty-
gritty detail of when and where we would
tie the knot.
Summer or Winter? Summer. The wed-
ding will be outside, so it must be gor-
geous out.
Big or small? Big, with everyone I know
in attendance.
First dance? To “If We Were a Movie”
by Hannah Montana. Does it get more
romantic than that?
It sounds absurd, I know.
But the idea of the beautiful white dress
and a shiny diamond ring was something
I knew I wanted since I was introduced
to the concept of marriage. I had my par-
ents’
relation-
ship as my
one true guide
as to what mar-
riage looks like, and
they were happily in love. My
mom and dad are the kind of people who
do what they can to constantly keep their
romance alive. They always acted — and
still do — as if they were two teens who
just recently fell for each other, forever
stuck in the honeymoon period. My dad
would bring my mom home flowers just
to remind her how much he loves her. My
mom would surprise him with random
subscriptions to * Blank * of the Month
clubs, a gesture that undoubtedly paral-
lels his bouquet of roses. Whether it was
the hot sauce, bacon or beer, her gifts
were the most romantic thing my father
could ask for.
They never left the house, hung up the
phone, or said goodbye without saying, “I
love you.”
Their evident happiness was what
marriage was to me. I thought no differ-
ently for any other married couple.
With everyone around me seemingly
following this path, life to me went as
followed: grow up, go to college, settle
down, get married. Marriage was the
utmost kick-starter to a normal, happy
life. It was the key to a successful future
— an end goal that I had to dedicate my
life to.
Find the perfect life partner, find the
perfect diamond ring, find the perfect
white dress, and you’re all set. I had
never thought otherwise until middle
school, when I started watching a major-
ity of my friends’ parents get divorced.
To put a number on it, in the course of
three years, the “happy” parents of six
of my friends decided to end their mar-
riage. And I started questioning.
If marriage is truly centered around
the idea of everlasting love, why do
almost one in two marriages end in
divorce?
It’s a question that still lingers with me
to this day, becoming deeper and more
complex as I further explore the topic.
With research, I learned the implica-
tions behind matrimony and the benefits
embedded in its original purpose. Mar-
riage began as a method of forming alli-
ances among between families, often as a
strategic tactic in maintaining social sta-
tus in society. Marriages often involved
dowries, or a basic trade involving money
or property in exchange for the potential
spouse. The beautiful white dresses we
fantasize over about weren’t popularized
until the marriage of Queen Victoria in
the 1840s. The diamond rings we pray for
weren’t tradition for the everyday person
until De Beers changed their marketing
tactics to increase profits in the 1930s.
The glorification of marriage as the be-
all and end-all to happiness is a modern
idea, disregarding the methodical and
capitalistic reasons behind the institu-
tion.
Society has conditioned people, specif-
ically young girls, from childhood to for-
get these truths and romanticize the idea
of marriage. It is made out to be a desir-
able fairy tale that, without it, would lead
to a boring, miserable life of loneliness.
Though few married couples would
admit they give into this sad truth, one
would be ostracized for thinking other-
wise. Single parents have a stigma fol-
lowing them everywhere; couples with
children but without a license to prove
their love for each other are condemned.
But the idea of marriage is inherently
flawed within itself. It has been mis-
construed from its initial purpose and
twisted into something straight out of a
romantic comedy or Disney film.
To many, a relationship isn’t valid
until the couple has said their vows, and
love isn’t real until there is a wedding to
prove it. But if the historical institution
of marriage only entails a dowry and a
tax write-off, why should people be so
quick to give into the myth that it is the
only way to confirm true love? A couple
should not need a beautiful white wed-
ding dress and a shiny diamond ring to
prove to society their love. A happy life
should not center around a piece of paper
claiming wedlock.
I’ve come to realize that the real con-
cept that I’ve been longing for since I was
little was not the white dress or diamond
ring, and definitely not the idea of mar-
riage itself. Instead, what I want is the
love that always feels spontaneous, the
love that always feels genuine, the love
that always feels real. That is what my
parents have, and somewhere along the
way, I mistakenly attributed the unique-
ness that defines their relationship to the
mere fact that they were married.
I may no longer know what time of
year I plan to get married in, the size of
the potential wedding, or the song for my
first dance (though Hannah Montana is a
superstar and I can’t help but let my ini-
tial choice stick). To be completely hon-
est, I’m not even positive that I want to
get married in general. My kindergarten
wedding was based on high hopes and
good intentions, but I’ve come to realize
the fantasy I hoped for has shifted.
My 6-year-old self dreamed of a perfect
wedding. My 18-year-old self dreams of
authentic love and happiness, regardless
of what society deems “recognizable.”
Wednesday, February 20, 2019 // The Statement
2B
BY ANDIE HOROWITZ,
STATEMENT COLUMNIST
The skewed
romanticization of marriage
Managing Statement Editor
Andrea Pérez Balderrama
Deputy Editors
Matthew Harmon
Shannon Ors
Designers
Liz Bigham
Kate Glad
Copy Editors
Miriam Francisco
Madeline Turner
Photo Editor
Annie Klusendorf
Editor in Chief
Maya Goldman
Managing Editor
Finntan Storer
statement
THE MICHIGAN DAILY | FEBRUARY 20, 2019
ILLUSTRATION BY
LAUREN KUZEE