Wednesday, February 6, 2019// The Statement
6B
H
ow often do you put yourself
down? Talk to yourself in neg-
ative way? Tell yourself that
you’re not good enough?
Really think about how often you do
this to yourself.
I’ve been there, and I am constantly
critical of myself and what I achieve. Key-
word: achieve. I measure myself by my
successes, and when I fail, I take it as a
self-reflection of my whole being — that
I’m not good enough and I don’t have what
it takes.
I realized that learning to accept your-
self is crucial to self-love. Because at the
end of the day, you have to spend a lot of
time with yourself and your thoughts,
and you should probably learn how to like
yourself. Now, this sounds obvious, but
if you take a step back and really analyze
how you talk to yourself, you might be sur-
prised.
While definitely a journey, self-accep-
tance is like building any other skill. You
constantly have to work on it deliberately.
At times, you are your own worst enemy,
comparing yourself to others, especially
in a society of production and consump-
tion, you are thought to be only as good as
I.
it’s past midnight and i start thinking
about my umma[1] dying again. she’s not
dead, but as my head starts to spin i think—
well what if she gets into a car accident
tomorrow morning on her way to work,
you know anything can happen on the
new jersey turnpike, wait she doesn’t take
the new jersey turnpike anymore since
we’ve moved, but what if she gets into a
car accident anyway, they happen pretty
frequently, and then she’ll be gone forever,
and i didn’t even hug her goodbye when
she dropped me off for an interview on
move-in day
— and my chest heaves up and down, so
i text my umma and tell her that i love her,
and i miss her. just in case. (my umma is
alive, by the way.)
II.
the first time i had anxiety about my
umma dying was sometime between pre-
school and kindergarten. i had a night-
mare my umma never came back from her
ESL classes at bergen community college.
i don’t remember if this was before or after
the car accident we were in. (it wasn’t on
the new jersey turnpike.)
she took me to community college with
her. she took me to the laundromat with
her. she took me to the grocery store with
her. she took me to the nail salon with her,
where she worked seven days a week, non-
stop. we didn’t have a babysitter then.
the day the patriots played the giants in
the super bowl and lost, my umma stayed
out at work for a long time, and to this day
i still remember calling her and her not
picking up the phone and wondering if
she was okay, wishing she was home with
me and appa[2] on sunday nights. (she was
okay, but driving back, so couldn’t pick up
the phone.)
III.
at my new elementary school i would
see kids being picked up by their mothers,
in their minivans, off to play soccer or go
on a playdate or to violin lessons. and just
once, just once, i wished i could be picked
up by her.
i have a friend from high school who
tells her mother everything, and i wish
this were true of my umma and i. but
there is too much to catch up on what she
missed.
IV.
i tell all my friends, my umma is the best,
too good for this world. she still works
seven days a week, non-stop, juggling two
jobs, cooking all the food, cleaning the
apartment; she says she loves to work.
what you produce or what you achieve. But
rarely, you are judged by who you are, your
emotional capacity and intelligence, your
ability to love and be loved.
Furthermore, you constantly have to
keep yourself in check about promoting
positive and action-oriented feedback so
you can do better. It’s not about having a
fixed mindset, but rather having a growth
mindset. Allow yourself to make mistakes
and fail — which is really scary — but nec-
essary in order for us to grow. Having a
growth mindset allows us to be critical
of our weaknesses and shortcomings, but
also allows us to recognize our strengths
and assets, and that everything is a pro-
cess. While we tend to be oriented around
big aspirations, being present in the period
we are at in our journey and seeing how
far we’ve come is encouraging and essen-
tial to fully accepting our process of self-
acceptance and self-love.
How can we expect others to like and
love us if we can’t even do it ourselves?
Once you find that inner harmony within
yourself, others will recognize it and give
you the respect of who you are because
you respect yourself. They recognize that
you treat and talk to yourself with value
and worth, and will give the same to you —
and maybe subconsciously recognize that
and try to do it for themselves. Because of
all the noise within society today, and so
many external forces, it’s hard to differ-
entiate your self-worth compared to oth-
ers — but you have to find that silence and
peace within yourself.
Once you do find a balance between self-
acceptance and self-love, you can spread
that to others. This is key, because finding
that inner harmony allows us to become
more empathetic and giving of the “feels,”
love and so much more. This in turn, helps
us infuse that spirit to other people. To
help them if they are beating themselves
up, or feeling down.
If self-love may seem too far-fetched for
you, start by liking yourself maybe even
just a little. How can you do this? Treat
yo’self. Stop putting energy into degrading
yourself and confining yourself, because
you’re only limiting your full potential.
Stop that voice in the back of your head
that you’re not good enough, and actively
work on telling yourself that you are, and
you are trying your best. Recognize the
talents you have and compliment yourself,
laugh at your own jokes, meditate, breath,
go to that dance class, buy that piece of
pizza, or break out into random song and
dance like you’re in a musical. Whatever
that looks like for you, do it!
My journey for self-acceptance and self-
love has been a process. Don’t quantify
your love through capitalizing it this Val-
entine’s season, and focus on the energy
you give to yourself, which you can then
give to others. Take the time to assess
yourself so you can give to others all the
feels, emotions, and love that you have.
You are a unique human being with the
ability and capacity to feel and love and
connect. So I challenge you to learn
how to fully accept yourself, because
your relationship with yourself is
one of the most important in your
life, isn’t it?
this is not a
mother’s day
poem
Why your
relationship
with yourself
is important
even when she’s angry or sad or frus-
trated she makes the effort to understand
others. even when she says things that
are rooted in bias, like when she said my
bisexuality was just a phase, i know she
tries to understand me. she still loves me.
and that feels quite rare in the asian queer
community.
i resented her for never being there for
me when i was younger. but now i know
she was only trying to help us climb the
impossible ladder of the nonexistent amer-
ican dream.
my umma crossed an ocean with her
only child and her husband so that my appa
could pursue his dream of getting an MBA
in the USA. she told me she majored in ger-
man when she was in college, because that
was where her favorite pianists, bach and
beethoven, were from. she wanted to go to
germany. she went to america instead. she
still hasn’t been to germany.
my umma lost her umma when i was
seven to cancer. she takes care of her
mother-in-law, my halumni[3], like she’s
her own mother. maybe that’s why i’m
afraid of her dying even though she only
turned fifty just a few years ago.
[1] mom
[2] dad
[3] grandma
French Kiss
She touched my lips on the first
day in May
Her lips made the cold go away
My heart was iced over
Frozen solid, stone cold
I thought I’d die
Before I had the chance to grow
old
Her lips brought me back to life
Their sweet peppermint taste
made everything seem right
Her lips were everything that
meant peace
Her lips were everything that
meant me
She touched my lips on the first
day in May
Her lips made the sun shine its
rays
Dare I say
Her lips were made for me
Dare I say
Her lips had sailed the high
seas to get to me
Dare I say
Her lips were everything they
would always be
And she touched my lips on a
warm day in July
To say goodbye
Dare I say
She loved my lie
BY MONICA KIM
MiC COLUMNIST
BY CRISTINA GUYTINGCO
MiC COLUMNIST
BY DIERRA BARLOW
ASSISTANT MiC EDITOR