D
ating. A word that is thrown
around casually at home in Amer-
ica is a word that, if uttered in an
Indian household, causes the television’s
volume to be lowered, the newspaper to
be slowly folded, and the hustle and bus-
tle to come to a standstill.
In my household, dating is frowned
upon to an unnatural extent. Since high
school started, if a celebrity couple was
brought up when we discussed pop cul-
ture, the only reaction would be my dad
looking over his glasses, asking if I also
was in a relationship. The answer always
stayed at a constant “no” regardless of my
true relationship status. Lying was never
the intention, but it seemed easier to lie
than to get engaged in an argument that
would more often than not last longer
than the relationship itself. As I got older,
the lies got more and more elaborate. I
had to mask not only crushes, but entire
relationships from start to finish.
Growing up as a brown girl in subur-
bia, the amount of teenage heartbreak you
have to face with no familial support is in-
tense. You have to cry over boys silently
in your room, and then when your mom
calls you down for dinner, you wipe away
your tears and face your family as if noth-
ing happened. I understand the cultural
differences between the time and place
my parents were raised and the time and
place I was, but these secrets damage you
more than Indian parents know.
Even when I successfully pulled off
a guise of happiness following a rough
breakup or emotional moment, I tended
to be more snappier around my parents
and played the victim whenever they said
anything. Moments like these turned into
bigger fights and I, already overcome with
my own emotions, tended to break down
faster, which confused my parents and led
to more reprimanding for being too emo-
tional. As a result, I, and so many of my
brown female friends, found ourselves be-
coming caught in a vicious cycle of a lack
of familial trust.
We felt that our parents didn’t trust us,
and we also couldn’t confide in them. We
hid more secrets and our parents, as par-
ents usually do, found out and trusted us
even less. Every secret relationship we
had led to more and more secrets being
kept from our parents and the bar we set
for ourselves in terms of honesty plum-
meted.
As I grew up and entered college, I fos-
tered the connection and trust I had with
my parents, but never to the extent it was
before. My parents and so many other
Indian parents believe that not allowing
their kids to date will protect them from
relationships and the negatives that come
with them, but it never does. All it does
is teach their kids to lie better and causes
them to grow apart from their parents.
While I will always appreciate the effort
my parents have put in to make me as
happy as possible, I will also always regret
that I’ve lied to them so many times. But
at the same time, I never felt that I had a
chance not to lie.
Wednesday, February 6, 2019 // The Statement
2B
A flaw in
my parents’
plan to keep
me from
dating boys
Managing Statement Editor
Andrea Pérez Balderrama
Deputy Editors
Matthew Harmon
Shannon Ors
Designers
Liz Bigham
Kate Glad
Copy Editors
Miriam Francisco
Madeline Turner
Photo Editor
Annie Klusendorf
Editor in Chief
Maya Goldman
Managing Editor
Finntan Storer
statement
THE MICHIGAN DAILY | FEBRUARY 6, 2019
Dear Reader,
M
ichigan in Color was created five
years ago in order to uplift the voices
of people of color by offering a platform
dedicated to every aspect of identities of
color -– the heartbreaking stories, the calls
to action, the feelgood moments and the
frustrations. Throughout the years we have
expanded from a column to a full-fledged
section of The Michigan Daily, producing
creative content, written narratives, a pod-
cast, and now, as a part of an annual tradi-
tion, a collaboration with the Statement
magazine.
In this special edition Statement and Michi-
gan in Color collaboration, you will find tes-
timonies on what it means to love as a per-
son of color — whether the recipient of that
love is a mother, a significant other or even
yourself. The complexity of love is often
magnified by complex identities, and we are
so grateful to The Statement for extending
a platform for students of color to explore
love’s intricacies. Enjoy the issue!
In solidarity,
Carly and Na’kia
BY ADITI MAHAJAN
MiC COLUMNIST