Wednesday, November 14, 2018 // The Statement
6B

is where you’re at.” My graph 
put me at -100 for nervousness, 
-88 for depression and -79 for 
instability.
I nod.
“I see.”
“So the results are ... that it 
shows that you’re unstable…”
I nod again, and she lowers her 
voice.
“You’re … depressed.”
Another nod.
“You’re 
a 
really 
nervous 
person.”
“Hm.”
“Sometimes 
you’re 
really 
active, sometimes you’re not 
active at all.”
“Mhm.”
“And 
then 
right 
here 
is 
aggressiveness. So you’re really 
putting yourself out there. Then 
… over here is … you’re kind of 
irresponsible.”
“OK.”
“But, 
you’re 
a 
pretty 
appreciative person.”
She looks up from the graph 
and smiles at me.
“That’s cool.”
Maya lists the rest of my 
character flaws, and suggests 
that I am likely dealing with some 
past trauma from my childhood, 
probably something related to 
abandonment by parental figure. 
When she’s done, she asks me 
how all of this makes me feel.
“Well, it checks out,” I tell her.
Maya offers me some literature 
on upcoming courses, as well as 
an evaluation packet. The front 
reads, “This is your personalized 
route to happiness and success. 
Start today!”
She points to a pamphlet 
on a course titled “Personal 
Efficiency.”
“This personal efficacy (sic) 
course really helped me when 
I started out,” she says. “When 
I came in, I was like -100 on 
everything. Now I’m in the 
normal range.” When I later 
researched the course online, 
I saw it had a required seminar 
“donation” of $50.
Maya attended culinary school 
in California and was hoping to 
become a baker when she found 
the church. Struggling in a bad 
relationship, she took the Oxford 
Capacity Analysis™ Exam at a 
Scientology center in August, 
and subsequently signed up for 
some classes. In September, as 
the relationship worsened, she 
decided to leave California and 
work full time for the church. I 
asked if she still baked. She said 

yes, sometimes.
“The church really helped 
me work through things from 
my past,” she said. “I’m more 
confident now, my chart is 
better.”
When I hear the trajectory 
that led Maya to the church, I 
feel guilty, as if my half-hearted 
attempt at joining Scientology 
was a direct slight towards her, 
and one she didn’t deserve. 
But later, when Dom, Annie 
and I compared our graphs, we 
noticed they that each appeared 
disturbingly similar. We are 
all, according to the Church of 
Scientology, very nervous, very 
depressed, very unstable and 
very aggressive.
In my mind, the scam was 
too obvious. What cult would 
recruit you by saying you’re 
fine as you are? Certainly not 
one as successful as the Church 
of Scientology. Though their 
numbers have greatly diminished 
since their peak in the late 20th 
century, estimates hold that 
anywhere between 20,000 and 
40,000 people worldwide are 
committed to Scientology today. 
Their reach is undeniable, and 
not just among well-publicized, 
powerful celebrities like Tom 
Cruise 
and 
John 
Travolta. 
Average people dissatisfied with 
their lives continue to seek solace 
in the church.
Despite the documentaries, 
the exposés and the criminal 
charges, the church continues 
to successfully recruit members 
because there is no shortage of 
vulnerable people who crave the 
acknowledgement of personhood 
this sort of organization claims 
to offer. Ultimately, the escape 
that Scientology promises with 
just a few paid courses and some 
overpriced books is too enticiting 
to deny when reality offers only 
duller truths.
For those who don’t have a 
support system in place when 
they’re distraught and need to be 
heard, I can imagine that it’s not 
strange and amusing for a kind 
woman with dark curly hair to 
hold their hands softly on a desk, 
look them in the eyes and affirm 
quietly, “You’re … depressed.” 
It’s a revelation.
Eddie, the man who spoke 
with Dom about his character 
insufficiencies, takes us to the 
elevator. As we wait for it to 
arrive, Eddie tells us that he went 
to Vermont for a year to play 
soccer on a full ride, but tore his 
ACL, so he had to quit the team 
and lost his scholarship. He went 

home for a year, and then did 
community college for another 
before transferring to New York 
University. He joined the church 
in 2011.
He mentions multiple times 
that his wife is 
upstairs, 
and 
that his kid is 
downstairs in the 
children’s 
room. 
In the lobby, we 
see a boy no older 
than 12 running 
around 
in 
a 
Pokemon T-shirt. 
This is Tony’s son, 
Jason. Tony tells 
Jason to go back 
downstairs.
Eddie 
brings 
us back through 
the lobby offshoot 
with the watching 
stations, talking quickly as we 
walk behind him. He grabs a 
plastic-wrapped book from one 
of the shelves and hands it to 
Dom.
“This one book 
more than anything 
else really helped 
me. This is the one 
that 
you 
should 
definitely get. Don’t 
walk out of here 
without that book. 
It’s only $20, it’s not 
like a big thing. I 
don’t know, a lot of 
people try to push 
it, but I don’t like to 
push it too hard. A 
lot of people need to 
take it at their own 
pace. 
I’m 
reading 
— you know what 
I’m 
reading 
right 
now? — I’m reading 
‘Battlefield 
Earth.’ 
It’s like a fiction 
book, 
by 
L. 
Ron 
Hubbard. 
There’s 
a lot of technology 
in it. It’s about like 
aliens, 
this 
and 
that … Here, and 
this book too has 
all the stuff, it’s got 
impact, self reliance, 
communication, 
everything, 
you 
know 
it 
can 
like, 
bring 
your 
responsibility 
up, 
and I told you, if 
you want to do the 
seminar, 
just, 
I’ll 
give you my cell 
phone number, let 
me know when you 
come back, it’s only 

$30 more. I’m not gonna charge 
you $50, you know, that’s fucked 
up. A lot of people are pushy 
pushy but I’m not like that. We 
do have other small pamphlets, 
if you think you’d be into that, 

for like $5 dollars. It’s up to you 
guys, it’s about what you guys 
want to get out of it. DVDs too. 
Here, take one. Anything? No? 
Have you guys seen the vault?”

From Page 5B

When I hear the trajectory 
that led Maya to the church, I 
feel guilty, as if my half-hearted 
attempt at joining Scientology was 
a direct slight towards her, and one 
she didn’t deserve. 

ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTINE JEGARL