Awkward 
introductions, 

sunshine, smiles, excitement, 
energy, move-in day. 

Depression, anxiety, stress, 

confusion, final exams.

College.
Dear 
Hannah, 
and 
other 

incoming freshmen,

Congratulations on getting 

into the University of Michigan! 
You’ll be entering a new chapter 
of your life and there’s much 
to be excited about. These next 
four years will hold a lot in 
store for you, and at a place like 
the University, there’s much to 
be experienced with so many 
opportunities 
and 
resources. 

Though I won’t be able to be 
there at every step of the way 
with you, I wanted to share my 
own journey navigating these 
past four years.

Lesson 1: Context
“Best 
four 
years 
of 
my 

life.” “Work hard, play hard.” 
“Freedom from parents.” “Now 
you can have a relationship.” 
Welcome to college.

Suppose an extraterrestrial 

being were to come to Earth. How 
would you explain college? From 
an outsider’s perspective, college 
could look weird: a microcosm 
where young adolescents with 
developing prefrontal cortexes 
are virtually locked together 
within a few square miles. 
Placed in a situation, being told 
important decisions that could 
alter the course of their life are 
to be made, all while dealing 
with the normal pressures of life 
and more. This is the Pollockian 
masterpiece society has created 
to lead the education of our 
future generations.

While college may have been 

pitched as the key stepping stone 
to a future, it is not without its 
problems. As a new student, you 
will be entering with a body 
of students from all over the 
country and world. Many of 
those students will come from 
wealthy families. The average 
family income of a University of 
Michigan student was $154,000 
in 2017. A majority will be 
white. These are just a few of 
the identities your peers will be 
bringing with them. Chances are 
there will be moments where you 
feel out of place. Embrace your 
difference.

On a related note, diversity 

has become a buzzword for 
higher education institutions. 
Having a lack of it reflects poorly 
on the prestige of an institution. 
College pamphlets are filled 
with pictures of multicultural 
students sitting in a lawn on a 
sunny day laughing together. 
That is unfortunately mostly a 
marketing scheme. Though you 
may be in classes with students 
who look different from you, the 
true interactions are seldom and 
few.

Another issue I ran into was 

the lack of access to healthy 
food options. With a lack of 
easily accessible supermarkets, 
students have to put aside the 
time and effort to take the 
bus if they lack access to an 
automobile. Who knew that even 
being able to eat food would be 
a struggle? These are just a few 
of the many imperfections that 
exist. This is all for me to say 
chances are there will be times 
you encounter systemic barriers. 
Identify the issue. Fight to make 
it better for those you come after 
you. USE your VOICE.

Lesson 2: Culture
As a premed student who 

minored in a social science, I’d 
like to say I studied the human 
being, from the microscopic 
atoms 
that 
make 
up 
the 

biochemical 
pathways 
which 

fuels us to the way organisms 
think and interact with others 

on a macro level. One of the 
most 
important 
things 
I’ve 

learned about is culture — the 
amorphous, abstract force that 
shapes all of our human decisions 
and 
interactions. 
Culture 
is 

the ocean that surrounds all 
of us, carrying us to-and-fro 
with waves. To change it means 
fighting against the current.

The University itself has a 

culture. Leaders and the Best. 
That 
go-get-it, 
never 
settle 

mindset. 
That 
success-at-all-

costs mindset. The University 
also has a binge drinking culture 
and 
politically 
progressive 

culture. Not all of these forces 
are bad, but be cognizant of 
them. Be motivated but don’t be 
consumed.

While 
it 
may 
appear 
as 

though everyone around you has 
their life together, look past it. 
Remember you are human, prone 
to mistakes and errors. Behind 
every résumé an equal amount of 
failure.

Lesson 3: Community
At a big school such as the 

University, it is easy to just feel 
like one in a million. Friends and 
communities can make it feel like 
a much smaller place; however, 
don’t settle for them.

Find the people at this school 

who will be there for you, 

because they are out there. Find 
the ones who will grow with you, 
who will keep late nights with 
you, who will be able to celebrate 
your achievements as much as 
their own. Find the people who 
will also be able to take it easy 
and laugh with you. The fondest 
memories I have are those when 
I was fully in the moment and 
lost track of the time.

This not only pertains to 

your peers. Find the professors, 
graduate student instructors and 
advisers who will also be your 
support system. Fully utilize 
all the resources this place 
has to offer for you to become 
successful in your endeavors. 
When you do find someone with 
which you really connect, hold on 
and don’t let go. Make an effort 
to develop that relationship 
and be mentored by them. Your 
professors are all human beings 
too. Above all else, know when to 
ask for help. Usually the earlier, 
the better.

Lesson 4: Compassion
Freshman year, I had a chance 

to work for the dining hall. You 
learn a lot about human behavior 
working in the service industry, 
perhaps more than any class 
could ever teach.

Some people are warm. Their 

faces light up no matter the 
time or day. Their smile makes 
you smile, and you know you 
have their full attention. Others 
leave their plates on the table 
for someone else to pick up and 
text while you try to serve them. 

Two rough categories of people: 
the dish-leavers and the smile-
bringers.

Say thank you more and show 

compassion to others. The most 
rewarding experiences I’ve had 
in college were being in servitude 
to others. While culture may 
push you toward being self-
centered, help out those in need. 
It would not be possible for you 
to get this education with the 
countless hours put in by your 
family and those around you. I’ve 
never regretted writing a thank-
you note. Be kind and courteous 
to all those at the University who 
make your experience possible: 
bus 
drivers, 
police 
officers, 

resident advisers, etc.

Also, show compassion to 

yourself. Don’t take things too 
seriously. I promise your life will 
move on with the right amount 
of time. If you are skipping 
meals to study and losing sleep 
and weight, you are probably 
involved in too many things. 
Know your limits and be able to 
say no. Take care of your mental 
health as well as physical health. 
Part of being compassionate to 
yourself requires you being real 
to yourself. Confront the highs 
and lows and be vulnerable. I 
felt real change happen in the 
moments I let down my own 
pride and ego.

You won’t feel happy all the 

time. Feeling blue is completely 
normal and sometimes even 
beyond your control. Imposter 
syndrome, 
self-doubt 
and 

loneliness are a short list of 
things with which you could 
very likely deal.

Lesson 5: Consider
Finally, move beyond the 

binary. Be able to see the grays, 
blacks and whites of issues. 
Explore 
yourself. 
Challenge 

yourself and step outside your 
comfort zone. As an example, 
I had no idea how much my 
intergroup 
relations 
minor 

would mean to me before I 
started college. My eyes were 
opened to a hard truth but also 
invaluable skills and lessons. It 
became one of the transformative 
experiences of my college career. 
In addition, stick to who you 
are as a person. Where you find 
wholeness and completeness will 
most likely not be where others 
also reside.

I didn’t know what to expect 

when I started college, but 
one thing I knew for sure was 
I 
would 
explore 
everything 

socially and academically to 
grow myself. Now, four years 
older, beaten and joyful, I am 
leaving a place filled with years 
of memories for me. I wanted to 
pass my lessons onto you in some 
tangible form. Even now, I admit 
I don’t have everything figured 
out regardless of what society 
expects at my age.

I wish you the very best in 

your undergraduate years as 
you struggle and succeed. There 
may be moments when you are 
so riddled with anxiety and 
stress that you can’t see clearly. 
Moments so lonely that you 
want to cry. Times that you will 
feel like no one could be going 
through something worse than 
you are at the moment. It is all 
normal. If you were expecting 
a smooth ride, I’m here to burst 
your bubble. I’ll leave you with 
a quote from one of my role 
models.

“The ultimate measure of 

a (hu)man is not where (they) 
stand in moments of comfort and 
convenience, but where (they) 
stand at times of challenge and 
controversy.” – Martin Luther 
King, Jr.

The rest is up to you to make 

on your own and figure out along 
the way.

With much love,
Your brother, Young

The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
Michigan in Color
Monday, April 9, 2018 — 3A

Content warning: This article 

contains themes of physical, 
emotional abuse

Dear Mom,
Since I last saw you three 

years ago, I have thought of you 
every day. I have remembered 
the warm moments when I felt 
you loved me and you knew I felt 
the same. For the past two years 
since I last spoke to you, I have 
tried to memorize your voice 
from memory alone, have tried 
to learn by heart the screech of 
your voice when you are angry 
and the soft whimper when you 
are sad.

I am too afraid to listen to your 

voicemails. Each day, though 
I try to move on and want to 
forget you, I cannot. I cannot 
forget what I have done to you 
or what I have done to alter our 
lives forever.

I do not know what to say 

other than that I am sorry. It will 
never be enough, I know. You 
must believe me when I write 
that I would give up almost 
anything that you asked to make 
you happy. I know how you have 
suffered for most of your adult 
life, for I have been a witness, 
and it brings me great pain to 
also know I have added to that 
grief. But I could not surrender 
my freedom for your happiness 
and, to be honest, I am not sure 
that my compliance would have 
made you happier either.

It may still be difficult for 

you 
to 
understand 
why 
I 

could not follow through with 
the arranged marriage. You 
promised that he was a good 
Hindu man with a high income 

who would help me build my 
own career. I know you intended 
to secure a future for me that 
would be free of the financial 
insecurity 
that 
you 
endured 
with 

my father. But Mom — I was only 
17.

You did not ask if I wanted 

this. Instead, you hurt me, you 
blackmailed me, you hit me with 
a tree whip, you let my father 
threaten to kill me.

You did all of this to force me 

to agree to his proposal over the 
phone. You made me fear for my 
life in our home. So I could not 
stay. I know it broke your heart 
when I came home from work 
that day, grabbed a backpack, 
ran away without looking back, 
but I could not stay.

Yet, it is difficult to blame a 

perpetrator who is themselves a 
victim. I do not know what you 
have endured in life, but I have 
witnessed part of your struggle. 
I have watched my father harm 
you and threaten your life as he 
did mine. I have heard you softly 
cry, begging to God to kill you, 
when you believed my sisters 
and I were asleep.

I have tasted the meals you 

made as you spoke with your 
sister living in our homeland 
about how difficult it is to live in 
this place, alone, without her or 
your brother or your parents.

I know you have lost much 

and lose more still as the days 
pass you by.

You have hurt me, but you 

yourself have been hurting since 
I was born. I am especially sorry 
that I could not protect you from 
my father. I was a coward and 
was always as afraid of him as 
you were.

As I write, I know this is a 

letter that I can never send. 
You would not understand 
half of the words on this page 
because of the English barrier, 
and the cultural barrier may be 
an even more difficult hurdle to 
overcome. What is freedom to 
you, and what is freedom to me, 
after all?

For you, perhaps it involves 

money, the moment when our 
family can move to a suburb 
in Warren and does not worry 
about rationing the food in the 
fridge. But for me, who grew up 
reading about and seeing white 
American children’s freedom, 
it is to wear shorts in July, to 
spend time with friends without 
needing a reason, to marry 
someone I love at the time I 
choose, not someone you chose 
for me when I was still in high 
school.

I wish I could say that I would 

give up the world to see you 
again, smiling and welcoming 
me home, but we both know 
that is a lie.

If I was ready to give up 

the world for your happiness, 
I would have given you my 
world, agreed to your arranged 
marriage, not gone to college 
— lived a life that I could not 
be happy with. But I cannot 
bear to give you every piece of 
me. Our worlds are not on the 
same plane. I wonder if you have 
realized that too.

I love you dearly, and though 

I do not deserve nor expect your 
forgiveness, I hope someday 
that you will remember me 
fondly.

I hope someday that you will 

give me a call. I miss your voice.

Sincerely,
Your Eldest Daughter

Reflection: The Wolverine years 
A letter I can’t send to my mother

YOUNG LEE
MiC Columnist

ANONYMOUS
MiC Contributor

With “American Idol” coming 

back, I think it’s time we start 
calling out singing competitions 
for their insensitivity to different 
communities and cultures. Now, 
I love “American Idol.” The show, 
which 
spawned 
superstars 

like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie 
Underwood, will always have a 
special place in my heart because 
it inspires people from all walks 
of life to follow their dreams of 
being superstars. However, not 
even David Archuleta’s voice 
or Simon Cowell’s accent can 
obscure the underlying problems 
with the show. “American Idol” 
uses primarily scripted judges 
comments in order to shape 
the opinions of the American 
public. With this, we learn our 
“idols” are often white men with 
guitars. Then again, the fact 
that the show has many white 
male winners could just be a 
coincidence. What can’t be talked 
up as coincidence is how ethnic 
minorities have been treated on 
“American 
Idol” 
and 
other 
singing 

competitions. 
With 
this 
in 
mind, 
I 

have to wonder: Will this season 
of Idol contribute to the abuse 
of minorities as other network 
talent competitions?

First, there is “The Voice,” 

which once again seems like a 
fairly great concept. However, the 
singing competition is still not 
completely neutral. One specific 
instance of this is the dreaded 
“montage 
treatment.” 
Pretty 

much, “The Voice” is not able to 
show every single contestants 
audition, so they occasionally pick 
a few unlucky subjects to only 
have a couple seconds of their 
audition shown. For the rest of the 
show, this is a huge disadvantage 
because the audition is where 

viewers truly begin to connect 
with the artist. No person who 
was montaged in auditions has 
ever made the finals or even come 
particularly close. However, it has 
been seen throughout the years 
that “The Voice” often montages 
Asian contestants. With this 
treatment, it seems like many 
Asian contestants are not able to 
advance far into the competition 
because they never really got 
the chance to shine. Meanwhile, 
“The X Factor UK” has also had 
some race issues such as white 
contestant Saara Aalto singing 
“Sound of the Underground.” 
In one part of the performance, 
Aalto — who would go on to place 
second in the competition —wore 
a kimono and danced foolishly 
around the stage. Even judge 
Simon Cowell said he was a little 
uncomfortable with the outfit. 
The artist received backlash but 
was still seen as the sweetheart 
of the season. Though she faced 
backlash, the artist received 
no repercussions because the 
performance inherently had to 
have been approved by the crew 
of the television show.

Then there is “American 

Idol,” and more specifically, 
Randy Jackson. Aside from 
Jackson’s 
occasionally 
offensive 

comments, such as that time he 
told an Asian male prior to his 
audition, “You look like you’re 
going to do my taxes,” the show 
has also supported insensitive 
ideals. In one episode, there was 
a singer named Gurpreet Singh 
Sarin, who was more commonly 
called “The Turbanator” for the 
turban he wore. The nickname 
was given by Sarin to himself 
for 
his 
colorful 
turban. 
However, 

within his audition, talk of his 
turban almost covered up his 
phenomenal voice. Throughout 
the rest of the show, Sarin 

was treated as a goofball until 
eventually being eliminated. 
However, the main issue is 
that “American Idol” chose to 
highlight Sarin’s turban instead 
of the artist. With this lack of 
attention, Sarin never got to be 
the true idol of his own story. 
Instead, he was viewed as a piece 
of his turban, which would be 
used as a gag. Another moment, 
which was not just frustrating, 
but outright offensive, was when 
Shubha Vedula auditioned for 
“American Idol”. Before Shubha 
even performed, Randy was 
confused by her name and began 
pronouncing her name wrong. 
Soon after he would make her 
name a song as a joke. Now, I 
don’t believe there is anything 
wrong with mispronouncing 
names — even I have been 
subject 
to 
mispronouncing 

names because everyone makes 
mistakes. However, the editors 
of this show decided to make 
Shubha’s name a direct comical 
joke. It was once again not about 
the artist but more about the 
fact that Shubha had anything 
to do with being ethnic.

There is a deep irony in this 

idea of neglecting minority 
voices, especially in “American 
Idol”. The white guy with 
the guitar will always be the 
“American Idol,” while the 
South-Asian minority can be a 
side character for comic relief. 
Instead of acknowledging we 
are all “American,” the show 
rather chose to focus on who 
should be our idol. Currently, 
the reboot of the show so far has 
not had many mishaps, besides 
Katy Perry kissing that boy who 
had never been kissed, and 
hopefully it stays that way. With 
that, here’s to a competition 
where we can all be the idols to 
our own stories.

KAREEM SHUNNAR

MiC Assistant Editor

Fair representation on American Idol

“There may be...
moments so lonely 
that you want to cry. 
Times that you will 
feel like no one could 

be going through 

something 
worse 
than 

you at the moment. It 

is all normal”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sadhana Ramaseshadri/Daily