Awkward
introductions,
sunshine, smiles, excitement,
energy, move-in day.
Depression, anxiety, stress,
confusion, final exams.
College.
Dear
Hannah,
and
other
incoming freshmen,
Congratulations on getting
into the University of Michigan!
You’ll be entering a new chapter
of your life and there’s much
to be excited about. These next
four years will hold a lot in
store for you, and at a place like
the University, there’s much to
be experienced with so many
opportunities
and
resources.
Though I won’t be able to be
there at every step of the way
with you, I wanted to share my
own journey navigating these
past four years.
Lesson 1: Context
“Best
four
years
of
my
life.” “Work hard, play hard.”
“Freedom from parents.” “Now
you can have a relationship.”
Welcome to college.
Suppose an extraterrestrial
being were to come to Earth. How
would you explain college? From
an outsider’s perspective, college
could look weird: a microcosm
where young adolescents with
developing prefrontal cortexes
are virtually locked together
within a few square miles.
Placed in a situation, being told
important decisions that could
alter the course of their life are
to be made, all while dealing
with the normal pressures of life
and more. This is the Pollockian
masterpiece society has created
to lead the education of our
future generations.
While college may have been
pitched as the key stepping stone
to a future, it is not without its
problems. As a new student, you
will be entering with a body
of students from all over the
country and world. Many of
those students will come from
wealthy families. The average
family income of a University of
Michigan student was $154,000
in 2017. A majority will be
white. These are just a few of
the identities your peers will be
bringing with them. Chances are
there will be moments where you
feel out of place. Embrace your
difference.
On a related note, diversity
has become a buzzword for
higher education institutions.
Having a lack of it reflects poorly
on the prestige of an institution.
College pamphlets are filled
with pictures of multicultural
students sitting in a lawn on a
sunny day laughing together.
That is unfortunately mostly a
marketing scheme. Though you
may be in classes with students
who look different from you, the
true interactions are seldom and
few.
Another issue I ran into was
the lack of access to healthy
food options. With a lack of
easily accessible supermarkets,
students have to put aside the
time and effort to take the
bus if they lack access to an
automobile. Who knew that even
being able to eat food would be
a struggle? These are just a few
of the many imperfections that
exist. This is all for me to say
chances are there will be times
you encounter systemic barriers.
Identify the issue. Fight to make
it better for those you come after
you. USE your VOICE.
Lesson 2: Culture
As a premed student who
minored in a social science, I’d
like to say I studied the human
being, from the microscopic
atoms
that
make
up
the
biochemical
pathways
which
fuels us to the way organisms
think and interact with others
on a macro level. One of the
most
important
things
I’ve
learned about is culture — the
amorphous, abstract force that
shapes all of our human decisions
and
interactions.
Culture
is
the ocean that surrounds all
of us, carrying us to-and-fro
with waves. To change it means
fighting against the current.
The University itself has a
culture. Leaders and the Best.
That
go-get-it,
never
settle
mindset.
That
success-at-all-
costs mindset. The University
also has a binge drinking culture
and
politically
progressive
culture. Not all of these forces
are bad, but be cognizant of
them. Be motivated but don’t be
consumed.
While
it
may
appear
as
though everyone around you has
their life together, look past it.
Remember you are human, prone
to mistakes and errors. Behind
every résumé an equal amount of
failure.
Lesson 3: Community
At a big school such as the
University, it is easy to just feel
like one in a million. Friends and
communities can make it feel like
a much smaller place; however,
don’t settle for them.
Find the people at this school
who will be there for you,
because they are out there. Find
the ones who will grow with you,
who will keep late nights with
you, who will be able to celebrate
your achievements as much as
their own. Find the people who
will also be able to take it easy
and laugh with you. The fondest
memories I have are those when
I was fully in the moment and
lost track of the time.
This not only pertains to
your peers. Find the professors,
graduate student instructors and
advisers who will also be your
support system. Fully utilize
all the resources this place
has to offer for you to become
successful in your endeavors.
When you do find someone with
which you really connect, hold on
and don’t let go. Make an effort
to develop that relationship
and be mentored by them. Your
professors are all human beings
too. Above all else, know when to
ask for help. Usually the earlier,
the better.
Lesson 4: Compassion
Freshman year, I had a chance
to work for the dining hall. You
learn a lot about human behavior
working in the service industry,
perhaps more than any class
could ever teach.
Some people are warm. Their
faces light up no matter the
time or day. Their smile makes
you smile, and you know you
have their full attention. Others
leave their plates on the table
for someone else to pick up and
text while you try to serve them.
Two rough categories of people:
the dish-leavers and the smile-
bringers.
Say thank you more and show
compassion to others. The most
rewarding experiences I’ve had
in college were being in servitude
to others. While culture may
push you toward being self-
centered, help out those in need.
It would not be possible for you
to get this education with the
countless hours put in by your
family and those around you. I’ve
never regretted writing a thank-
you note. Be kind and courteous
to all those at the University who
make your experience possible:
bus
drivers,
police
officers,
resident advisers, etc.
Also, show compassion to
yourself. Don’t take things too
seriously. I promise your life will
move on with the right amount
of time. If you are skipping
meals to study and losing sleep
and weight, you are probably
involved in too many things.
Know your limits and be able to
say no. Take care of your mental
health as well as physical health.
Part of being compassionate to
yourself requires you being real
to yourself. Confront the highs
and lows and be vulnerable. I
felt real change happen in the
moments I let down my own
pride and ego.
You won’t feel happy all the
time. Feeling blue is completely
normal and sometimes even
beyond your control. Imposter
syndrome,
self-doubt
and
loneliness are a short list of
things with which you could
very likely deal.
Lesson 5: Consider
Finally, move beyond the
binary. Be able to see the grays,
blacks and whites of issues.
Explore
yourself.
Challenge
yourself and step outside your
comfort zone. As an example,
I had no idea how much my
intergroup
relations
minor
would mean to me before I
started college. My eyes were
opened to a hard truth but also
invaluable skills and lessons. It
became one of the transformative
experiences of my college career.
In addition, stick to who you
are as a person. Where you find
wholeness and completeness will
most likely not be where others
also reside.
I didn’t know what to expect
when I started college, but
one thing I knew for sure was
I
would
explore
everything
socially and academically to
grow myself. Now, four years
older, beaten and joyful, I am
leaving a place filled with years
of memories for me. I wanted to
pass my lessons onto you in some
tangible form. Even now, I admit
I don’t have everything figured
out regardless of what society
expects at my age.
I wish you the very best in
your undergraduate years as
you struggle and succeed. There
may be moments when you are
so riddled with anxiety and
stress that you can’t see clearly.
Moments so lonely that you
want to cry. Times that you will
feel like no one could be going
through something worse than
you are at the moment. It is all
normal. If you were expecting
a smooth ride, I’m here to burst
your bubble. I’ll leave you with
a quote from one of my role
models.
“The ultimate measure of
a (hu)man is not where (they)
stand in moments of comfort and
convenience, but where (they)
stand at times of challenge and
controversy.” – Martin Luther
King, Jr.
The rest is up to you to make
on your own and figure out along
the way.
With much love,
Your brother, Young
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
Michigan in Color
Monday, April 9, 2018 — 3A
Content warning: This article
contains themes of physical,
emotional abuse
Dear Mom,
Since I last saw you three
years ago, I have thought of you
every day. I have remembered
the warm moments when I felt
you loved me and you knew I felt
the same. For the past two years
since I last spoke to you, I have
tried to memorize your voice
from memory alone, have tried
to learn by heart the screech of
your voice when you are angry
and the soft whimper when you
are sad.
I am too afraid to listen to your
voicemails. Each day, though
I try to move on and want to
forget you, I cannot. I cannot
forget what I have done to you
or what I have done to alter our
lives forever.
I do not know what to say
other than that I am sorry. It will
never be enough, I know. You
must believe me when I write
that I would give up almost
anything that you asked to make
you happy. I know how you have
suffered for most of your adult
life, for I have been a witness,
and it brings me great pain to
also know I have added to that
grief. But I could not surrender
my freedom for your happiness
and, to be honest, I am not sure
that my compliance would have
made you happier either.
It may still be difficult for
you
to
understand
why
I
could not follow through with
the arranged marriage. You
promised that he was a good
Hindu man with a high income
who would help me build my
own career. I know you intended
to secure a future for me that
would be free of the financial
insecurity
that
you
endured
with
my father. But Mom — I was only
17.
You did not ask if I wanted
this. Instead, you hurt me, you
blackmailed me, you hit me with
a tree whip, you let my father
threaten to kill me.
You did all of this to force me
to agree to his proposal over the
phone. You made me fear for my
life in our home. So I could not
stay. I know it broke your heart
when I came home from work
that day, grabbed a backpack,
ran away without looking back,
but I could not stay.
Yet, it is difficult to blame a
perpetrator who is themselves a
victim. I do not know what you
have endured in life, but I have
witnessed part of your struggle.
I have watched my father harm
you and threaten your life as he
did mine. I have heard you softly
cry, begging to God to kill you,
when you believed my sisters
and I were asleep.
I have tasted the meals you
made as you spoke with your
sister living in our homeland
about how difficult it is to live in
this place, alone, without her or
your brother or your parents.
I know you have lost much
and lose more still as the days
pass you by.
You have hurt me, but you
yourself have been hurting since
I was born. I am especially sorry
that I could not protect you from
my father. I was a coward and
was always as afraid of him as
you were.
As I write, I know this is a
letter that I can never send.
You would not understand
half of the words on this page
because of the English barrier,
and the cultural barrier may be
an even more difficult hurdle to
overcome. What is freedom to
you, and what is freedom to me,
after all?
For you, perhaps it involves
money, the moment when our
family can move to a suburb
in Warren and does not worry
about rationing the food in the
fridge. But for me, who grew up
reading about and seeing white
American children’s freedom,
it is to wear shorts in July, to
spend time with friends without
needing a reason, to marry
someone I love at the time I
choose, not someone you chose
for me when I was still in high
school.
I wish I could say that I would
give up the world to see you
again, smiling and welcoming
me home, but we both know
that is a lie.
If I was ready to give up
the world for your happiness,
I would have given you my
world, agreed to your arranged
marriage, not gone to college
— lived a life that I could not
be happy with. But I cannot
bear to give you every piece of
me. Our worlds are not on the
same plane. I wonder if you have
realized that too.
I love you dearly, and though
I do not deserve nor expect your
forgiveness, I hope someday
that you will remember me
fondly.
I hope someday that you will
give me a call. I miss your voice.
Sincerely,
Your Eldest Daughter
Reflection: The Wolverine years
A letter I can’t send to my mother
YOUNG LEE
MiC Columnist
ANONYMOUS
MiC Contributor
With “American Idol” coming
back, I think it’s time we start
calling out singing competitions
for their insensitivity to different
communities and cultures. Now,
I love “American Idol.” The show,
which
spawned
superstars
like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie
Underwood, will always have a
special place in my heart because
it inspires people from all walks
of life to follow their dreams of
being superstars. However, not
even David Archuleta’s voice
or Simon Cowell’s accent can
obscure the underlying problems
with the show. “American Idol”
uses primarily scripted judges
comments in order to shape
the opinions of the American
public. With this, we learn our
“idols” are often white men with
guitars. Then again, the fact
that the show has many white
male winners could just be a
coincidence. What can’t be talked
up as coincidence is how ethnic
minorities have been treated on
“American
Idol”
and
other
singing
competitions.
With
this
in
mind,
I
have to wonder: Will this season
of Idol contribute to the abuse
of minorities as other network
talent competitions?
First, there is “The Voice,”
which once again seems like a
fairly great concept. However, the
singing competition is still not
completely neutral. One specific
instance of this is the dreaded
“montage
treatment.”
Pretty
much, “The Voice” is not able to
show every single contestants
audition, so they occasionally pick
a few unlucky subjects to only
have a couple seconds of their
audition shown. For the rest of the
show, this is a huge disadvantage
because the audition is where
viewers truly begin to connect
with the artist. No person who
was montaged in auditions has
ever made the finals or even come
particularly close. However, it has
been seen throughout the years
that “The Voice” often montages
Asian contestants. With this
treatment, it seems like many
Asian contestants are not able to
advance far into the competition
because they never really got
the chance to shine. Meanwhile,
“The X Factor UK” has also had
some race issues such as white
contestant Saara Aalto singing
“Sound of the Underground.”
In one part of the performance,
Aalto — who would go on to place
second in the competition —wore
a kimono and danced foolishly
around the stage. Even judge
Simon Cowell said he was a little
uncomfortable with the outfit.
The artist received backlash but
was still seen as the sweetheart
of the season. Though she faced
backlash, the artist received
no repercussions because the
performance inherently had to
have been approved by the crew
of the television show.
Then there is “American
Idol,” and more specifically,
Randy Jackson. Aside from
Jackson’s
occasionally
offensive
comments, such as that time he
told an Asian male prior to his
audition, “You look like you’re
going to do my taxes,” the show
has also supported insensitive
ideals. In one episode, there was
a singer named Gurpreet Singh
Sarin, who was more commonly
called “The Turbanator” for the
turban he wore. The nickname
was given by Sarin to himself
for
his
colorful
turban.
However,
within his audition, talk of his
turban almost covered up his
phenomenal voice. Throughout
the rest of the show, Sarin
was treated as a goofball until
eventually being eliminated.
However, the main issue is
that “American Idol” chose to
highlight Sarin’s turban instead
of the artist. With this lack of
attention, Sarin never got to be
the true idol of his own story.
Instead, he was viewed as a piece
of his turban, which would be
used as a gag. Another moment,
which was not just frustrating,
but outright offensive, was when
Shubha Vedula auditioned for
“American Idol”. Before Shubha
even performed, Randy was
confused by her name and began
pronouncing her name wrong.
Soon after he would make her
name a song as a joke. Now, I
don’t believe there is anything
wrong with mispronouncing
names — even I have been
subject
to
mispronouncing
names because everyone makes
mistakes. However, the editors
of this show decided to make
Shubha’s name a direct comical
joke. It was once again not about
the artist but more about the
fact that Shubha had anything
to do with being ethnic.
There is a deep irony in this
idea of neglecting minority
voices, especially in “American
Idol”. The white guy with
the guitar will always be the
“American Idol,” while the
South-Asian minority can be a
side character for comic relief.
Instead of acknowledging we
are all “American,” the show
rather chose to focus on who
should be our idol. Currently,
the reboot of the show so far has
not had many mishaps, besides
Katy Perry kissing that boy who
had never been kissed, and
hopefully it stays that way. With
that, here’s to a competition
where we can all be the idols to
our own stories.
KAREEM SHUNNAR
MiC Assistant Editor
Fair representation on American Idol
“There may be...
moments so lonely
that you want to cry.
Times that you will
feel like no one could
be going through
something
worse
than
you at the moment. It
is all normal”
Sadhana Ramaseshadri/Daily