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DOWN
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By Jerry Edelstein
©2018 Tribune Content Agency, LLC
02/12/18
02/12/18
ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE:
RELEASE DATE– Monday, February 12, 2018
Los Angeles Times Daily Crossword Puzzle
Edited by Rich Norris and Joyce Nichols Lewis
There’s a moment early in
“Fifty Shades Freed” — the final
chapter in that most venerated
saga of smut — where Anastasia
Grey (Dakota Johnson, “How to
Be Single”) takes off her bikini
top and utters the words, “It’s
boobs in boobland.” I did what
amounted to an aural double-
take. Surely no one had written
that line. Someone had to have
said something. I looked around
to gauge the reactions of those
around me. They sat transfixed
by the glow of the IMAX screen,
like sexually starved deer in the
quasi-pornographic headlights.
I steeled myself and joined them.
I was in trouble.
Until a short time ago, I
prided myself on having never
seen a “Fifty Shades” movie. It’s
not that I had a problem with
their audience, I just always
assumed that if I walked up to
a box office and said to another
human being, “One for ‘Fifty
Shades,’” the parts of my soul not
shattered by “The Emoji Movie”
would simply disintegrate. It
was self-preservation more than
anything else. I just wasn’t as
steeped in the “Fifty Shades”
mythos as I am, say, “Star Wars”
or “The Room.” I knew the basic
“boy meets girl, boy introduces
girl
to
poorly
represented
BDSM” beats of the story, and
that’s it.
Then,
last
Sunday,
I
mentioned to my editor that I
had seen “Fifty Shades Freed”
was playing in IMAX and was
more morbidly curious than
I’d ever been. This was taken
as me volunteering to write
about it, and it was unanimously
decided by a jury of my peers
that I would be sent to document
“Fifty Shades Freed: The IMAX
2D Experience.” Some small part
of me expected it to include a
scratch-and-sniff.
My ticket was ordered online,
so I had only to deal with the
judgment of the usher, who took
it and glanced up at me, her brow
furrowed. I tried to smile at her.
That seemed to make it worse.
She handed my stub back to
me, and I had to fight the urge
to sprint past her. I timed my
entrance to the theater so that
I took my seat after the lights
went down, my hood pulled
over my head like a Benedictine
monk. Finally, the movie started.
To begin, I have to ask: In
the era of #MeToo, did no one
say, “What if we gave our main
protagonist
something
even
remotely
resembling
agency
in her own story, or at least a
higher IQ than your average
Pauly Shore character? And hey,
what if we make our male lead
less sexually aggressive instead
of constantly doubling down on
his emotionally, mentally and
physically abusive behavior?”
Christian
Grey
(Jamie
Dornan, “The 9th Life of Louis
Drax”) is the kind of man who
at one point says to his wife,
unironically, “If you love me,
why do you defy me?” This is
followed shortly by scenes where
it seems “Fifty Shades Freed” is
trying to make a statement on
rape culture, even while Grey
himself epitomizes the worst of
it. It’s cinematic hypocrisy at its
worst.
Not to worry, no sooner has
the happy couple been married
than they’re thrown headfirst
into an out-of-nowhere thriller
storyline
that
will
provide
the illusion of a plot when the
characters aren’t busy sexing
each other into oblivion. This
leads to no less than two scenes
where Ana, the woman who once
had to ask what a butt plug is, has
to act as a getaway driver. These
moments, and many others, are
accompanied by one of the most
invasive, cloying soundtracks
I’ve ever heard; the parts of
the film that don’t play like the
beginning of a mid-budget porno
play instead like the worst parts
of a car commercial and a music
video.
It wasn’t an entirely joyless
experience. On three separate
occasions,
I
found
myself
giggling so hard I had to
physically stifle my laughter.
The first of these was my fault,
as a sex scene accompanied by
an attempt at a “sexy cover” of
James Brown’s “I Feel Good”
caused me to picture the same
scene dubbed over by the original
version. This was cancelled
out by the woman behind me
starting
to
moan
moments
later. The second time came
when someone described Ana
as “tenacious” after she spent
the entire movie being shuffled
around by the manufactured
drivel of the plot. Finally came
the scene in which Ana describes
Christian as a “man of honor.”
This time I didn’t even try to
hold my laughter in.
Both
of
these
dunces
immediately
assume
that
whenever their partner spends
time with a member of the
opposite sex, they’re cheating.
That’s not marriage; that’s high
school, and they never change.
As the end credits roll, these are
the same reprehensible people
we started with, yet the movie
is hellbent on convincing its
audience that this, this is what
true love looks like. “Fifty Shades
Freed” is toxic. It’s harmful.
It’s awful. It lacks any sort of
self-awareness or redeemable
qualities. “Tenacious?” “Man of
honor?” Give me a damn break.
A ‘Fifty Shades’ virgin’s immersive
guide to seeing ‘Fifty Shades Freed’
JEREMIAH VANDERHELM
Daily Arts Writer
My ongoing love
for watching the
Olympic Games
If you need to find me over
the next two weeks, I’ll be
glued to any screen I can get
my hands on, live-streaming
NBC and cheering on the
U.S.A. in winter sports I only
aggressively pretend to know
the slightest about. From the
moment the torch is lit, it’s
pure magic for me. While some
merely view the Olympics
as an exploitative and over-
hyped money-maker, to me,
the Games carry an entirely
different
connotation
of
unity, identity and wholesome
entertainment.
Now, when I say I love
watching
the
Olympics,
I
truly
mean
the
entire
Olympics. From the opening
and closing ceremonies to
any event (no matter how
obscure or underappreciated),
I find myself intrigued and
entranced by the spectacle
of it all. From the time I was
eight years old — watching
legendary athletes like Nastia
Liukin and Michael Phelps
make history during the 2008
Beijing Summer Games — it
has become a ritual of mine
to tune in every two years and
binge-watch the live coverage.
The Olympics always bring
me back to the nostalgic era
of TV — you know, the entire
family gathering in the living
room unit, everyone adding
their two cents and critiques
of what’s on the screen. In my
family, that picture usually
goes a little something like
this: me holding my breath
every time a figure skater
leaves
the
ground,
my
parents becoming overnight
“experts”
in
terminology
like “triple axel” and “luge”
and
my
brother
laughing
along with Twitter at some
hilariously awkward Olympics
commentary.
In that way, the experience
of watching the Olympics on
TV is unquestionably a valued
tradition shared with family,
but it expands into something
much bigger than that. It’s an
experience shared with the
nation, and even more notably,
the
entire
world.
Rooting
for your home country and
engaging in the pure anxiety
and excitement that stems from
an international competition
is
simply
a
timeless
and
universal phenomenon.
Suddenly, even the most
indifferent and uninformed
citizens
shapeshift
into
patriots, feeling proud that
their athletes can accomplish
what others can’t. While social
media is normally a space for
heavy-handed
criticism
of
America and its culture, when
the Olympics are on, red,
white and blue overwhelm
the airwaves and a truly
magnificent sense of unity
and
togetherness
ignites.
Guys in full-body U.S.A. garb,
no shortage of American flag
emojis and those tear-jerking
P&G commercials on repeat —
every Olympic Games marks a
surge in the allegiance to an
endorsement of our country.
And admittedly, while that
outpouring can be a little
pretentious and overkill at
times, it is still exhilarating
and
heartwarming
nonetheless.
Besides feeling as though
you are a part of history and
partaking
in
the
cultural
extravaganza
that
is
the
Olympics, the idealized nature
of the Games is yet another
enthralling aspect of watching
them on TV. There’s just
something
so
encouraging
about seeing people (make
that very young people) fulfill
their dreams and accomplish
their lifelong goals on such
a global platform. Sitting in
front of the TV, seeing all the
action unfold and watching
fantasies become realities has
the indescribable ability to
make you feel all warm and
fuzzy inside. Ultimately, what
it boils down to is that it’s just
refreshing to see people do
good on TV for a change.
Dumbfounded
comments
like, “I can’t believe humans
are actually capable of doing
that,” and, “I seriously wish
I could do that,” frequently
flood the scene during those
two weeks. And just like that, I
(along with the rest of America)
start having visions of getting
into
a
sport,
becoming
a
prodigy and winning gold.
Unfortunately, I think I’m past
my prime. Also unfortunately,
I’m just extremely unathletic
and talentless. Sure, maybe
watching the Olympics can
destroy your self-esteem in
an instant, but it can also
motivate you to be better.
The final and perhaps most
curious draw to watching the
Olympics is the presentation
of diversity on our screens
for those few weeks. Stellar
athletes
of
all
races
and
backgrounds are (for a change)
evaluated based on their skill
sets and dedication, not their
socially constructed statuses.
Distinctly, this winter’s Team
U.S.A. is bringing the largest
and most diverse squad of
athletes to the Winter Games,
advocating
for
inclusivity
alongside their usual standard
of excellence.
All of a sudden the world
realizes
that
women
are
determined
and
proficient
athletes, that your age does
not define your capability and
that there are a multitude of
unique and underrated sports
out there. The Olympics seem
to not only make society
more
open-minded
and
appreciative,
but
also
the
normally strict and tradition-
keeping world of sports. In
fact, for almost three decades
now
the
Winter
Olympics
has
pushed
for
women’s
involvement, knocking down
barriers to previously male-
exclusive sports like hockey
and curling. Similarly, figure
skater
Adam
Rippon
and
freestyle skier Gus Kenworthy
are breaking massive cultural
ground this year by being the
first openly gay male Winter
Olympic athletes. If it takes
something as extravagant as
the Olympics to knock some
sense into society and make
representation
clear
and
prominent, then, hey, even
more power to them.
Overall,
watching
this
year’s PyeongChang Winter
Olympics is shaping up to be
a jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring
global
moment.
With
the
deluge of media coverage and
countless new ways to tune
into the Games, watching the
Olympics
has
triumphantly
evolved
from
a
simple
presentation of international
competition
to
a
more
interactive, hopeful and pride-
filled TV experience. If that —
combined with the fact that for
two weeks you have the perfect
excuse to procrastinate any
effort-involving task — doesn’t
make you want to tune in, then
where’s your sense of Olympic
spirit?
MORGAN RUBINO
Daily Arts Writer
TV NOTEBOOK
It’s an
experience shared
with the nation,
and even more
notably, the entire
world
UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
5A — Monday, February 12, 2018
Arts
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com