“
The barrier of loneliness:
The palpable, desperate need
of the human animal to be
with his fellow man … up there is
an enemy known as isolation” -
Rod Serling.
The
haunting
nature
of
loneliness is vividly captured by
Serling at the end of the very first
episode of “The Twilight Zone,” in
which a man finds himself trapped
in a town with no people in it.
While you and I will likely never
experience such a frightening
scenario, we can nonetheless
realize the terror of such isolation.
In 2010, the Mental Health
Foundation
in
the
United
Kingdom released their findings
that loneliness, chiefly thought
about as an issue for the elderly,
was actually a greater burden
for young people ages 18 to 34.
According to the American College
Health Association, 59.3 percent of
students report feeling very lonely
at any time in the past year. It is
hard to wrap your head around
the idea that people in the prime
of their lives, a time full of family
and friends, could be suffering
from loneliness. Alas, to feelings of
loneliness and isolation, age is not
a number of consequence.
While we should not ignore
the problem of loneliness in the
elderly, it is equally important
to recognize loneliness as a
major mental health problem for
young people that should be both
discussed and addressed.
The link between loneliness
and poor health outcomes is clear.
Research in older adults shows
that loneliness impairs health by
elevating levels of stress hormones
and inflammation which can,
in turn, lead to chronic illnesses
like heart disease and dementia.
Writing in The New York Times,
Dr. Dhruv Khullar of Harvard
Medical School declared that
“social isolation is a growing
epidemic—one that’s increasingly
recognized
as
having
dire
physical, mental and emotional
consequences.”
Khullar
also
points out that isolation can make
illnesses, such as opioid addiction,
worse as well as being a potential
cause of bad health. It is clear that
loneliness and isolation are more
than just unpleasant and the health
consequences—both physical and
mental—can be severe.
But why are young people
lonely? To begin to understand
this, one must learn the typology
of isolation. In 1973, American
sociologist Robert S. Weiss divided
loneliness into social isolation
and emotional isolation. Social
isolation is what we typically
associate with isolation, that is,
a true lack of social connections.
Emotional isolation is a much more
insidious foe. Emotional isolation
is the internal feeling of loneliness
in spite of social connections, no
matter how robust.
I
definitely
suffer
from
emotional isolation. I am not a
recluse, I go out to parties and
other social events. I have friends
who I can confide in and who I
enjoy spending time with. Yet, in
those times when I am sitting on
my couch, the hungry pangs of
loneliness gnawing at my mind
and soul, I feel like I have no one
and that I am utterly alone. In
the past year, these times of peak
loneliness have gotten more and
more frequent. Safe to say, it sucks.
Emotional isolation, in my
view, has its roots in the culture
we live in. While preexisting
mental health problems, such
as
depression
and
anxiety,
obviously
contribute
to
this
imagined isolation, it is the social
environment we navigate through
on the daily that provides an ample
medium for loneliness to flourish.
For example, social media,
which should have ushered in a
new era of connectedness, may
actually be making us feel more
isolated. Now, I happen to find
Facebook very useful and am not
one to attack social media as the
bringer of doom to our generation.
That being said, a study out of
the
University
of
Michigan’s
Department of Psychology found
that Facebook use is a predictor
of declining happiness and that it
undermines well-being.
The Achilles’ heel of social
media is that it increases the
quantity of social connection but
not necessarily the quality. This
is the case because social media
reduces someone’s personality,
thoughts and lived experiences
into a caricature and encourages
us to judge people based off of
that simulacrum. Take Tinder,
an app where we judge and are
judged based off of some pictures
and a bio where wit matters more
than substance. Sure, the instant
gratification of a Tinder match is
addictive at first but after a while it
makes me feel hollow.
Social media is just the tip
of the iceberg that is our lonely
culture. Those of us socialized
as men are not really allowed
spaces to foster real connections
with other people. In media, male
friendships are portrayed as fun
but almost never as emotionally
supportive. And while Valentine’s
Day is a frivolous Hallmark
holiday, it is still a reminder that
romantic relationships are the
quintessential social connection
in our society. Platonic love, a
beautiful thing in its own right, is
presented as inferior to romantic
love. This is problematic because
it prevents us from realizing that,
even if we are single, that we
are not alone. I am consistently
surprised by how many people
I am connected with where we
mutually care about each other, all
I have to do is reach out.
Last May, The Washington
Post ran an article titled, “Senior
loneliness is a disease that can and
should be treated.” I would very
much like to see similar attention
paid to loneliness in young people
because
loneliness
hurts,
no
matter the age.
I empathize wholeheartedly
with my fellow college students
who are struggling with loneliness.
I know there is light at the end of
the tunnel and we will reach that
light with our heads held high.
We are stronger than the enemy
known as isolation.
Opinion
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
4 — Friday, February 9, 2018
DAYTON HARE
Managing Editor
420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
tothedaily@michigandaily.com
Edited and managed by students at the University of Michigan since 1890.
ALEXA ST. JOHN
Editor in Chief
ANU ROY-CHAUDHURY AND
ASHLEY ZHANG
Editorial Page Editors
Unsigned editorials reflect the official position of the Daily’s Editorial Board.
All other signed articles and illustrations represent solely the views of their authors.
EDITORIAL BOARD MEMBERS
Samantha Goldstein
Elena Hubbell
Emily Huhman
Jeremy Kaplan
Sarah Khan
Lucas Maiman
Ellery Rosenzweig
Jason Rowland
Anu Roy-Chaudhury
Ali Safawi
Kevin Sweitzer
Tara Jayaram
Ashley Zhang
T
his past week, one of my
favorite podcasts, “Stuff
Mom Never Told You”,
discussed a topic I
have experienced but
never found a way to
articulate. The hosts
sat down with Jill
Filipovic, author of
“The
H-Spot:
The
Feminist
Pursuit
of
Happiness.”
In
essence, she spoke
about the importance
of
prioritizing
women’s fulfillment
and
joy
in
the
feminist
movement. After all, isn’t that
at the core of what we all want?
Their
discussion
was
centered on happiness within
marriage.
They
discussed
whether there could ever be a
feminist marriage, given the
sexist nature of the institution.
I’m only a junior in college, still
four years out from entering
the post-law school real world,
so I won’t feign authority on
that subject. However, I do feel
that an emphasis on happiness,
and
especially
happiness
within romantic relationships,
is
lacking
in
the
feminist
conversation. Personally, it is
much easier for me to write and
talk about my pain when I talk
about my romantic experiences.
This is for good reason—my first
serious relationship ended in a
courtroom, with me pursuing a
Personal Protection Order.
I was 17, prying myself
out of a toxic and confusing
relationship with a person I met
at 14. Making sense of the three
years I knew him, of the seven
months we dated and of how
I ended up in Oakland County
Circuit Court led me to a variety
of conclusions. I learned about
gender-based violence, about
rape culture, about systemic
problems that throw young
women into terrifying situations
with no knowledge of how to
get out. It was this feminist
awakening that has guided me
through life since.
I am eternally grateful for
the path I took to pull myself
out of that pain. Feminism and
the pursuit of social justice
have
come
to
dramatically
shape
my
friendships,
intellectual
interests,
self-
image, professional path and
even my eating habits. However,
the personal manifestation of
feminism I used to pull myself
up and out was defined by an
urge to be strong,
unbreakable
and
impervious to any
hurt that could send
me back there. I see
this
among
many
survivors; it is an
understandable way
to heal. It does not
eradicate the pain
of abuse though; it
merely silences it. So,
I spent my first year
of college drinking pink moscato
(cringe), lecturing my friends
about how manipulative and
toxic all of their relationships
were and swerving from any
man who dared to reveal a bit
of feeling.
I truly believed that all of
my friends were in relationships
that undermined their autonomy
and hindered their growth.
Today, I would hold that some
of that was true. The nature of
so many romantic relationships
is toxic and controlling, and I
think that is a truth we need
to focus more attention on.
Your partner should not tell
you what to wear, who to see,
what to think; they should not
belittle or threaten you, should
not ever make you feel less.
However, there must be some
good to be found in love and
romance. If not, why would we
continue to seek it out? But are
there feminist relationships, or
is the nature of heterosexual
romance always going to lead
to a situation in which the man
is advantaged?
Jill
Filipovic
said
she
never thought she’d marry
until she met her fiancé. I
never thought I’d date after
my first experience until I
met my current boyfriend.
I was quite head over heels
at our first encounter, but I
was also cripplingly anxious
about the prospect of investing
myself in another relationship.
Yet, I discovered that while
it was possible for a toxic
relationship to eradicate my
sense of self and esteem, it was
also possible for one to do the
opposite. The very reason I’m
writing this article is because
my boyfriend has read, revised
and praised so much of my
writing that I felt confident
enough to apply to The Daily. A
year ago, that comment would
have made me uncomfortable,
as if I was crediting my own
accomplishments to a man.
But I don’t want to be cynical
about love anymore. I don’t
want to give any more to a
man in the past who tried
so hard to ruin joy for me. I
want to feel liberated from
that time, and the best way
to do that has been to love
without caution or restraint
or especially the feeling that
I’m
somehow
undermining
my feminist philosophy for
simply choosing happiness.
I’m sitting in bed writing
this next to my boyfriend with
respiratory flu and a fever of
103. We are surrounded by a
mess of tissues, Tamiflu and
lentil soup. I’m thinking back
to when I had mono last year,
and he came to my parent’s
house with me every weekend
and sat in my living room with
my mom while I took eight-
hour naps. I am growing more
comfortable
accepting
and
giving care. I am learning
and re-learning how to be
vulnerable, to act selflessly, to
not worry that my mind, soul or
body are being taken advantage
of. I deserve that peace, as do
all women and all people who
have had it ripped from that in
prior experiences.
So, this Valentine’s Day,
if you are also feeling scared,
anxious
or
cynical
about
the prospect of romance, I
encourage you to embrace
vulnerability. I encourage you
to resist the horrific world we
live in by choosing love and
joy, whatever that may mean
for you.
Feminism, love and happiness
MARGOT LIBERTINI | COLUMN
E
arlier this semester, I
discovered one of my
classmates is a racist. While
sitting in our shared discussion,
she sent me messages that were
simultaneously
abhorrent
and
surprising.
Furthermore,
she
did so by using a deeply offensive
term. As she wrote to me in three
separate, unexpected texts, “i’m
also racist so that doesn’t help…
not trynna get too dark over here
but i don’t like n******…lol there’s
a difference between blacks and
n******.” She was an unambiguous,
unapologetic racist.
Her appalling texts left me
filled with disgust and led me to
question my preconceived notions
of what racism on campus looks
like. Though I have witnessed
racism before, this was the
first time I had seen it directly
expressed by a fellow University of
Michigan student. The realization
that one of my peers held racist
views was a shocking reality check
— I knew there had been racist
incidents in Ann Arbor in the past,
but I was comforted by the fact that
no University students were ever
caught committing them. “Maybe
a visitor or a townie did it,” I would
internally assure myself. As I
continued to pore over the details
of my chance encounter with such
casual racism, the conversation’s
full implications became apparent
and
the
following
questions
emerged: If I had this one chance
encounter with a single classmate
of mine, how many other closeted
(or in her case, non-closeted)
bigots were there in my classes?
In my majors? In my beloved
University of Michigan?
I came to the University of
Michigan because I believed it to
be the greatest public university
in the nation, if not the world.
However, the discovery that at
least one of my peers, and likely
many more, seem to have such
spectacularly repugnant views
on the topic of race has rocked
this opinion. Nevertheless, I
possess great hope for what
I believe to be a subset of the
University community to change
for the better.
To individuals who share
similar sentiments regarding race
as my classmate, I ask you this:
Are the beliefs you hold worthy of
someone who attends Michigan?
Worthy of one of the historical
centers of American activism, the
alma mater of Gerald Ford (’35), a
staunch supporter of civil rights,
and Branch Rickey (JD 1911), who
was instrumental in helping to
break professional baseball’s color
barrier? A transformation in your
thinking is needed.
To be clear, I’m not asking you to
become an expert on social justice
issues that are relevant today nor
am I asking you to change your
political leanings in any capacity.
Instead, to paraphrase Martin
Luther King Jr., I merely hope that
you begin to judge people by their
character, rather than their race.
However, if you choose to continue
discriminating against individuals
on the basis of their skin color, I
hope that you will at least have the
wisdom to see what you are doing
is inherently wrong.
While advocating for an end to
racism among my peers is hardly
the “hot take” that one would
expect to find in the Opinion
section of The Michigan Daily,
I strongly feel that the broader
topic of race at the University of
Michigan has to be discussed
further in the student body.
University-sponsored
classes,
seminars or meetings are not the
solution to fostering increased
dialogue because too often in
these discussions, people can be
intimidated by the prospect of
saying what is truly on their mind in
the company of strangers. Rather,
genuine, organic conversations
between friends and classmates
have to occur with more frequency
so that as a community, we can
move
closer
to
permanently
eradicating the kind of thinking
and language that I witnessed in
class. To my peers at Michigan, I
implore you: Take the time to sit
down with a friend, a classmate
or even an acquaintance to
reflect on racial issues, at our
university and in our society, so
that we are better equipped to
solve problems relating to them
together. These conversations
will be difficult, but they are
absolutely necessary.
The Michigan I know and
love expects only the finest from
its students. We are the “Leaders
and the Best” for precisely
that reason. It is up to us, and
us alone, to ensure that this
moniker stays accurate now and
moving forward.
Racism in our midst
SAM WEINBERGER | OP-ED
The young and the lonely
ALI SAFAWI | COLUMN
Ali Safawi can be reached at
asafawi@umich.edu.
Margot Libertini can be reached at
mliberti@umich.edu
.
Sam Weinberger is an LSA
Junior.
CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONVERSATION
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FRANNIE MILLER | CONTACT AT FRMILLER@UMICH.EDU
There must be some
good to be found in
love and romance. If
not, why would we
continue to seek it
out?
MARGOT
LIBERTINI
Emotional
isolation, in my
view, has its roots
in the culture we
live in.