3B
Wednesday, January 24, 2018 // The Statement 

Let’s Bitch About It: 
 
 
 
 
 
Football is boring and overrated

P

icture the ideal game day: 
Sunny, warm, but not too 
hot. O’Korn is not slated to 

play and the renowned University of 
Michigan team is ranked and ready to 
win. Thousands of fans flock to Ann 
Arbor, while college kids prepare for a 
day of revelry.

Now picture the game day reality: 

The weather sucks (it’s either too hot or 
too cold), our team is pretty average at 
this point, the streets are overcrowded 
and everything is sticky and smells like 
beer.

Before I start, I will admit I am a 

hypocrite on this matter. Over the past 
three football seasons, I have bought 
season tickets, attended tailgates and 
on occasion even made it to the actual 
game. However, I have decided to stop 
supporting what can only be described 
as the worst sport and let my true 
opinions out.

There are many issues I have with 

football, some of which are hard to 
dispute (like the physical implications 
for players), and others that many of you 
will blame on my lack of understanding 
of the game.

“You’re just a stupid girl who doesn’t 

get the culture of the True American 
Sport! Bah!” — some angry white man 
commenting on my article, probably.

Which, in many ways, is not wrong. 

I know very little about the rules of 
football and fill in stereotypes about 
my gender in that regard, but that does 
not mean my opinions on football are 
not valid.

It’s dangerous
I probably won’t be the first or 

the smartest person to tell you that 
football is incredibly dangerous for its 
players. Study after study detail the 
high risk of brain damage associated 
with the sport, especially among 
young players.

Yet for some reason, we still worship 

the sport. Football is still cool. The 
popular show Friday Night Lights 
(which I personally hated, but that’s 
another issue) literally had a main 
character paralyzed, but people still 
loved the program and the sport. 
Mind-boggling!

On campus, we worship football 

players and consistently encourage 
them to risk serious injury in the name 
of our entertainment. I’m sure gladiator 
fights were also sort of fun to watch if 
you got into it, but that doesn’t mean 
it should be condoned in a modern 
society. (Also, it should be noted that 
in the National Football League the 
majority of players are Black while the 
majority of viewers are white, so there 

are major systemic imbalances in who 
bears the costs of football.)

On this point, it is difficult to play 

devil’s advocate and argue against me 
that football is actually safe, but if you 
are looking for a fight, do not despair.

It’s boring
I understand why sports are fun. I 

love the passion people have for their 
teams, the cheers and the taunts. 
Personally, the Blues Brother dance 
after the third quarter is one of my 
favorite traditions at the University. 
However, this does not mean football 
should be the outlet of our enthusiasm 
for athletics.

I went to a basketball game for the 

first time this semester and, wow — 
what a good time! You still get to do the 
cheers (and the dance), but you don’t 
have to spend four hours outdoors.

Why does a football game have to 

take four hours? That is way too long 
in my opinion, and there’s too much 
downtime, with actual play time 
amounting to a mere 11 minutes total on 
average. Other sports like basketball, 
hockey and soccer have more constant 
action, making them much more 
interesting than football.

Also why the heck is Michigan 

football outdoors? Why do people want 
to brave the elements for four whole 
hours? This year alone, Michigan 
football 
attendees 
suffered 
from 

sunburn, pouring rain and freezing 
temperatures. I will admit that the Mr. 
Brightside moment in the rain looked 
like good fun, but does three minutes 
of iconic music make up for four hours 
of shivering? I would say no.

It’s overrated
While I was not a great football 

attendee (though I had season tickets, 
I only made it to three games, two of 
which I left before the first quarter), I 
managed to make it to most tailgates. 
Each game day I would wake up excited 
but consistently end up disappointed.

Again, why do they have to be 

outdoors? What do you do if it rains? 
(Apparently put up tarps or just let 
yourself get wet but personally, ew? 
Why would I want to do that?) The 
other half of the time it’s freezing cold, 
and you have to either wear tons of 
layers and cover up your bomb outfit 
or simply give up on being warm for 
the day and risk hypothermia. On 
the flip side, there are days when it is 
extremely hot and you end up sweaty, 
sunburnt and dangerously dehydrated.

Even if the weather is perfect, 

tailgates tend to be a net negative. Sure, 
the few hours you spend dancing can 
be a lot of fun, but the weird hours and 

postgame hangover make it generally 
unpleasant. For noon games, you have 
to wake up earlier than I do for my 
classes and pretend to be happy about 
it. Then following a day of tailgating 
and watching the game (for those of 
you who make it there and watch the 
whole thing), you eventually arrive 
home feeling like shit and just wanting 
some food and a long nap.

Additionally, the post-game nap is a 

very tricky thing to manage. Depending 
on the time of the game, it can really 
mess up your whole day. If you sleep 

too long, you could end up waking up 
at a time you would normally go to bed. 
Or you may wake up at a somewhat 
normal hour but still be hungover and 
have no energy to do anything else that 
day.

Despite the disruption and the 

general 
unpleasantness, 
we 
still 

commit to this tradition almost every 
other weekend in the fall, all for a sport 
that really isn’t worth the attention.

Perhaps we should take notes from 

other countries and obsess over the 
true football: soccer.

BY LYDIA MURRAY, COLUMNIST

File Photo/Daily

Coach Jim Harbaugh is disappointed.