The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
Arts
Tuesday, November 14, 2017 — 5

Disclaimer: OK, look. At this 

point, everyone just needs to 
get over it. Clearly this isn’t 
an actual, profound, biweekly 
treatise on food and the culture 
surrounding it. Clearly I’m not 
qualified for this (but who’s 
qualified for anything, really?). 
And, clearly, I’m just using this 
“food column” as a pretense 
to 
write 
about 
nebulously 

food-adjacent things I find 
interesting. Let’s all just accept 
this and move on.

With 
that 
being 
said, 

here’s a hypothetical scene of 
Thanksgiving at the Pioneer 
Woman’s house. For those of 
you who aren’t Food Network-
heads (boo), have fun hanging 
out with Ree Drummond, Ina 
Garten, Chris Santos, Marc 
Murphy, Scott Conant, Geoffrey 
Zakarian, Marcus Samuelsson, 
Alex Guarnaschelli, Giada de 
Laurentiis, Bobby Flay and 
Guy Fieri. Apparently there are 
those out there who don’t know 
who these people are.

The 
boys 
are 
outside 

cleaning up with Ladd. Paige 
and Alex are inside doing each 
other’s hair. The kitchen smells 
of butter and heavy cream and 
vaguely 
ethnically 
inspired 

foods. It’s Thanksgiving, and 
Ree Drummond is happy.

It’s been so long since I’ve felt 

this feeling of … warmth, she 
thinks, for a fleeting moment, 
before she’s interrupted by the 
doorbell. The guests are here!

What 
enchanting, 

bewildering fun. Entertaining 
has always been a staple of 
Ree’s 
lifestyle; 
thank 
God 

Ina let her host this year. Ree 
puts down her copy of Mrs. 
Dalloway and rushes to answer 
the door.

Speak of the devil: It’s her.
“Oh hey, Ree!” she exclaims 

with feigned excitement. They 
hug as if they actually like 
each other. Ugh. “Jeffrey will 
be here in a bit. He’s just going 
to find parking.”

“Well, you can just park 

anywhere in the field,” Ree 
says. “We’ve got so much open 
space.”

“We just wanted to find a…

parking lot,” she replies. “The 
ranch is gorgeous, though!”

Ina walks inside and sets 

down her dish wrapped in 
tinfoil. 
She 
looks 
around 

before 
placing 
it 
in 
the 

warming drawer beneath the 
oven. Ree knows what it is — 
she just can’t believe it.

The stupid lemon chicken. 

A simple mixture of herbs 
and olive oil, lemon wedges 
and slices of onion covering 
the width of the chicken, all 
roasted in a pan — and for 
what? The insipid taste of 
lemon and garlic infused in a 
dry slice of chicken? There’s 
already a turkey. Ree plots to 
“forget” the dish in the drawer. 
Take that, Barefoot Contessa.

The bell rings again. Ree 

can hear too many voices at 
the door, so she knows who 
it is: The Chopped Boys. She 
laughs at the thought of their 
group tattoo, which is actually 
spelled Chopt Boiz, but that 
wouldn’t fly in Oklahoma.

She opens the door and 

laughs; it’s always great to see 
the boys. They might air back-
to-back, but they never can 
seem to find the time.

Chris, Scott, Aaròn, Marc, 

Marcus, 
Geoffrey 
and, 
of 

course, Alex. She always was 
the outsider. Ted didn’t come, 
though. No one on that show 
likes Ted.

“Hey, 
Aaron, 
brought 

anything good this year?” says 
Ree.

“Ree, mija, you know it’s 

pronounced Aaròn,” he replies. 
They all laugh and hug each 
other.

Except for Scott, of course. 

Scott never laughs.

It’s a warm and inviting 

atmosphere, and Ree is in a 
good place. The kids have been 
great, of course, and Ladd is 
still such a great and stoic 
rock for her, but… It’s been 
so long since Ladd has shown 
her any affection. Sometimes, 
she thinks, this whole rugged, 
country lifestyle might be 
getting the better of their 
marriage. Would it be better 
if they left? Would the boys 
still be men and the girls still 
be ladies? Would “The Pioneer 
Woman” still be a brand? Ah, 
well. Thoughts for another 
day, she concludes.

After the big shots arrive — 

Giada, Bobby and, yes, Guy — 
it’s time to begin the feast. The 
boys run back inside and Paige 
and Alex come downstairs. 
Bobby ruffles the boys’ hair 
like a proud uncle. It truly is 
a family at The Food Network.

Ree has made her specialty: 

meatloaf. Some people might 
laugh, but there’s nothing that 
screams Oklahoma more than a 
thick, sweaty slab of meatloaf. 
Douse that in ketchup and 
you might as well be yelling 
“Boomer Sooner” in Norman! 
Ree chuckles to herself as she 
places the dish on the table. 
It jiggles as she sets it down. 
Yum.

Aaròn has brought maíz 

tortillas 
to 
fill 
with 
a 

beautifully grilled skirt steak 
and 
chimichurri, 
courtesy 

of Marcus. (Ree catches Ina 
mouthing the words, “store-
bought” to Giada on the side of 
the room.) Chris hasn’t brought 
food, but, as always, he’s 
brought his guitar — he’s the 
post-dinner 
entertainment, 

always has been.

Bobby 
and 
Giada 
have 

collaborated (not for the first 
time, Ree thinks to herself) 
on a shitty bowl of pasta 
with a “Southwestern twist!” 
Great job, sellouts. Ree tries 
to 
obscure 
this 
with 
her 

immaculately 
constructed 

centerpiece.

Geoffrey and Scott procure, 

seemingly out of nowhere, 
a fully cured ham. It’s been 
sitting in Scott’s basement 
in Great Neck for months, 
apparently. 
Ina 
shoots 

him 
a 
 
“Great-Neck?-It’s-

No-Hamptons” 
look 
as 
he 

explains. Geoffrey pulls the 
finest switchblade, made in 
Switzerland, and shaves it in 
the finest slices known to man.

Finally, they let Guy bring 

out 
his 
famous 
“Bloomin’ 

Onion, Guy’s Way.” It’s just 
a Bloomin’ Onion he bought 
from Outback Steakhouse that 
he put in a deep fryer again. 
They let him have this, every 
year. It makes him feel valued.

Ree 
makes 
everyone 
sit 

down quickly and smirks at 
Ladd — he knows she’s just 
negged 
Ina, 
HARD. 
They 

squeeze hands under the table. 
This feels right.

“Oh my God, guys, no,” says 

Geoffrey. “We forgot to invite 
Ayesha!”

There’s a moment of silence 

before 
they 
all 
burst 
out 

into 
laughter. 
Always 
the 

comedian, Geoffrey.

But then Ina makes a motion. 

Of course she does.

“Wait, guys!” she exclaims, 

her exasperated hands waving. 
She rushes over to the oven 
and pulls out the dreaded 
lemon chicken. She rips off the 
tinfoil and places it right in 
the center, for everyone to see. 
Bitch.

And then Ree sees it. A 

smile creeps onto her face. The 

Contessa has no idea what’s 

about to happen.

“Are those… are those red 

onions?” Scott trembles at the 
sight before him. Geoffrey’s 
face turns gaunt. Alex turns to 
the rest of The Chopt Boiz and 
screams.

Geofrrey grabs Scott by the 

face and turns him. “Scott, 
no,” he whispers. “You can 
fight this. You are stronger 
than this.”

Scott’s 
face 
is 
now 
an 

unrecognizable shade of red. 
Ree is scared, but secretly 
happy. She steals a glance at 
Ina’s confused, horrified face. 
It’s glorious.

“THE 
ACIDITY!” 
Scott 

screams. It’s a lost cause now. 
“RAW RED ONION IS TOO 
ACIDIC FOR MY PALATE!”

He flips the table with 

seemingly 
unknown 
force. 

Everything falls to the floor. 
He rips off his shirt. Ree 
notices 
he’s 
surprisingly 

jacked, but makes sure to 
comment on that at a later 
time.

“TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME! 

CRUCIFY THAT BANSHEE! 
THAT EVIL HAG! BANISH 
HER FROM OKLAHOMA!”

Ina is terrified. She begins 

to apologize, but Jeffrey puts a 
finger to her lips. He grabs her 
by the arm and the two of them 
sprint out.

Ree 
surveys 
the 
scene. 

Geoffrey massages Scott’s back 
as he crouches on the ground, 
panting. The worst is over for 
now. Alex and the rest of the 
gang are crying. Bobby and 
Giada are nowhere to be seen, 
but a thumping sound is heard 
from the upstairs bedroom. 
Guy picks at a tortilla fondly.

Ree turns to Ladd and plants 

a kiss right on his mouth.

“I love Thanksgiving.”

A Food Network
Thanksgiving

FOOD COLUMN

NABEEL 

CHOLLAMPAT

COURTESY OF SMTD

SMTD’s ‘Blood at the 
Root’ to challenge, inspire

“This 
piece 
is 
not 
for 

the faint of heart,” wrote 
Music,Theatre & Dance and 
LSA senior Elyakeem Avraham 
in an email interview with The 
Daily.

Avraham 

will be playing 
De’Andre, 
one 

of the six teens 
depicted 
in 

the 
SMTD’s 

upcoming 
performance 
of 

“Blood 
at 
the 

Root.” The play 
centers 
around 

the Jena Six, a 
group 
of 
black 

teenagers 
who, 

in 
December 

of 
2006, 
were 

convicted 
of 

beating 
Justin 

Barker, a white 
student at Jena High School in 
Louisiana.

Written 
by 
Dominique 

Morisseau for Penn State’s 2014 
graduate acting class, “Blood 
at the Root” is fictitious, 
using the historical event as a 
launching point for the story to 
unfold. A member of the class, 
SMTD director Stori Ayers was 
a producer and an original cast 
member of Morisseau’s 2014 
production.

“We were the winner of 

the Graham F. Smith Peace 
Foundation Prize for its (“Blood 
at the Root”) promotion of 
human rights,” Ayers wrote. 
“[We] have taken this play to 
many high schools and all the 
Penn State Branch campuses to 
do outreach and social justice 
workshops in hopes of starting 
a conversation and igniting 
within our generation a spirit 
of activism.”

The play aims to challenge 

both the audience and the 
history it’s developed from, 
and Ayers is imbuing SMTD’s 
performance with the same 
fire as the show’s origin.

“[The] 
story’s 
specificity 

creates a universality that 
charges the audience with 
the social responsibility of 
dealing with the ‘other’ in 
order to create change,” Ayers 

explained. 
“Everyone 
has 

an ‘other’; whether based in 
sexuality, race or gender, we 
all deal with people who are 
unlike ourselves. This play 
explores the experiences of a 
group of high school students 
desperately trying to define 
themselves 
and 
navigate 

around those who identify 

themselves 
differently.”

Working 

as 
Associate 

Choreographer 
in addition to his 
role as De’Andre, 
Avraham 
was 

drawn 
to 
the 

show 
for 
its 

content.

“When 
Jena 

Six happened in 
2006, I was one 
of the leaders in 
a protest against 
the charges that 
the 
Jena 
Six 

faced,” he wrote. 
“For 
12 
days 

straight, about 300 students 
wore all black to school in 
solidarity with those facing 
charges in the Jena Six case. 
It escapes people that racial 
injustices, such as this one, 
happened only 11 years ago and 
continue to happen today.”

Compelling and expository, 

“BATR” isn’t meant to just 
entertain. It’s a story of self-
agency and the resiliency of the 
human spirit, and it’s intended 
to affect — whatever form that 
may take.

Other cast members Charda 

Jameson (SMTD, sophomore), 
Kathleen 
Taylor 
(SMTD, 

junior), 
Sierra 
Stephens 

(SMTD, sophomore) and Eddie 
Williams (SMTD/LSA, senior) 
spoke with The Daily on what 
being in the play means for 
them:

“When I read this play for 

the first time last year, the 
thing that stuck to me the 
most was the fact that each 
and every character in the play 
struggles with a certain aspect 
of their own social identity 
and cultural context in a very 
humanizing 
way,” 
Stephens 

recalled. “As a white person in 
this piece, being here means 
putting my white privilege 
on the table for analysis. It 
means showing the white-

identifying community what it 
means to recognize privilege 
and what it means to confront 
the 
systematic 
racism 
we 

perpetuate every day.”

“BATR” 
is 
self-aware, 

and it’s cast embodies this 
sentiment — knowing that the 
world isn’t OK, and people 
sometimes 
aren’t 
OK, 
but 

collectively we can be.

“(The play) portrays young 

people as fiercely intelligent, 
deeply feeling human beings. I 
think it’s rare to find a piece of 
media that takes teenagers so 
seriously,” Taylor wrote.

A thoughtful piece, “BATR” 

hopes to give a holistic view on 
modern-day racism.

“(The 
audience) 
should 

expect 
to 
see 
different 

perspectives and viewpoints, 

both from people involved in 
the issues that arise and the 
people that actively choose to 
stay out of them,” Williams 
mentioned.

Telling a story that needs 

to be heard, the show makes 
sure to involve moments of 
light to keep the performance 
charming.

“Peope should expect to 

be moved in ways that are 
uncomfortable, but to also 
go on a fun ride, with dance 
and comic relief mixed in our 
piece,” Jameson noted.

No matter the background 

you’re coming from, “Blood 
at the Root,” promises to be 
hopeful and provoking. The 
performance is scheduled for 
this Thursday evening in the 
Arthur Miller Theater.

ARYA NAIDU
Daily Arts Writer

SMTD 

presents 

“Blood at the 

Root”

Arthur Miller 

Theater

Nov. 16 @ 7:30 

p.m.

GA $30, Students 

$12

COMMUNITY CULTURE PREVIEW

DESIGN BY AVA WEINER

Read more at 
MichiganDaily.com

No matter the 
background 
you’re coming 

from, ‘Blood at the 

Root,’ promises 
to be hopeful and 

provoking

ARE YOU TIRED OF SEEING WHITE 
ADIDAS SUPERSTARS AND FAKE 

SUPREME HOODIES ON THE DIAG? 
WANNA SOUND OFF ABOUT THAT?

Our Style beat is hiring new writers! Email us at 

arts@michigandaily.com for more information on applying