for themselves. In turn I have 
learned to take care of myself. 
So thank you to the friends that 
taught me how to take time for 
myself, to shut off all the lights, 
watched trashy TV with me, and 
a shoutout to those that let me 
cook in their kitchens before I 
moved out of the dorms.

5. 

Get you 
some 
friends 
that 
are oak 
trees - A 
woman 
once 
said 
to 

me that 
are two 
catego-
ries 
of 

friends. 
You’ve 
got 
friends 

that are like paper and glass 
trees and you’ve got friends 
that are like oak trees. What she 
meant is that, the first group of 
friends are fine when the day 
is bright and life is nothing but 
smiles. Yet, when the storm hits, 
their support shatters, they are 
uprooted when you need them 
to be firm the most. However, 
friends who are oak trees are 
always there to support you 

to provide you cover when the 
storm hits. Not only do you need 
oak tree friends, you need to be 
an oak tree friend, because let’s 
face it, nobody likes a leech. 

6. Get you some friends that...

get you - Friends who take time 
to understand you and help you 
understand 
yourself. 
Friends 

that you feel no shame laugh-
ing wildly around and sobbing 
loudly into their shoulders. The 
ones you never have to explain 
yourself to because they lis-
tened when you told them your 
innermost fears and motiva-
tions. The ones that are your 
biggest allies as much as you 
are theirs. Friends that get. You. 
Completely. As. You. Are. 

So in essence, shoutout to all 

of these friends, my chosen fam-
ily. Whether we became best 
friends after one semester or 
our friendship grew stronger 
throughout our four years, thank 
you. Your friendship strength-
ened my resiliency and made 
navigating my identities as a 
woman of colour on the Univer-
sity’s campus feel less difficult 
— you will forever be held closely 
to my heart. To anybody reading 
this, whether it’s your first time 
in university or your final year, I 
hope you can take a golden nug-
get from it and I hope you’ve got 
or will get friends that will never 
demand your silence.

9

Thursday, June 29, 2017

The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com MICHIGAN IN COLOR

So thank you to the friends that 
taught me how to take time for 
myself, to shut off all the lights, 
watched trashy TV with me, and 

a shoutout to those that let me 
cook in their kirchens before I 

moved out of the dorms. 

By ‘DOLAPO ADENIJI

Michgian In Color Contributor

“No person is your friend who 

demands your silence, or denies 
your right to grow.”

— Alice Walker
I started college by saying 

bye to my dad, sending a picture 
to my mum, and walking into 
Angell Hall to register for class-
es. I knew not a single person at 
the University of Michigan and 
it was the first time I had been 
to the state was a week earlier. 
Not to mention, I signed up for 
the wrong semester (spring) 
and was handled like a trans-
fer student. So not only was I 
doing this college thing for the 
first time, I was surrounded by 
people who’d already done it 
before and many of whom did 
not look like me. Thus the jour-
ney of finding my chosen family 
began. Looking back I feel like 
I went through a bunch of dif-
ferent friend groups, many of 
which happened due to proxim-
ity. They all taught me a lot and 
I think it’s important to share 
those things, especially because 
of the toxic as well as formative 
friendships I have experienced 
in and outside of my own per-
sonal experience.

When I look back at my col-

lege experience, there are a lot 
of emotions that come up for 
me. Throughout all the emo-
tions — whether I find myself 
relaxing tightly clenched fists, 
laughing till I am teary eyed or 
holding back a deeply exagger-
ated eyeroll — at the end of this 
rollercoaster, I settle back, relax 
and smile when I think of who I 
shared these memories with.

Regardless of whether or not 

it was in the moment, we’ve 
been there for each other for 
heartbreaks, 
exams, 
gradua-

tions, birthdays, bad movies, 
shopping trips, photo shoots, 
awkward moments, late night 
Pizza House runs, all nighters 
all over campus, lapses in judg-
ment, concerts, rejection let-
ters, acceptance letters, deaths, 
births and so much more. This 

piece isn’t a sap story for all 
the sentimentalities of college. 
Rather a reflection on everyone 
from the Black/African women 
who I call my mothers/aunties/
sisters that I owe the world to 
the Residential College kids that 
taught me a thing or two about 
myself and every-
one in between that 
I loved and loved 
me in return. 

1. Get you some 

friends that want 
to see you thrive - I 
have seen too many 
people get spite-
ful because their 
friends were flour-
ishing 
and 
they 

weren’t. No matter 
how bad of a day I 
am having there is 
nothing that makes 
me happier than 
when my friends 
are slaying the game. Like my 
first and second year roommate 
Marjai used to say, “Girl, when 
you make it, we all make it.” 

2. Get you some friends that 

show you love - Love is such 
a loaded, multifaceted word. 
Love for me is friends spend-
ing numerous late nights to 
work me through yet another 
semester of French. Love is 
consistently letting me do the 
most on my birthday every year. 
Love is being your biggest sup-
porter and chanting your name 
even if it’s remotely. Love is 
knowing that your friends will 
always have your back because 
you’ve seen them go in on any-
one whether it was on Facebook 
or at Necto. Love is living in a 
house that was always ready to 
give you the tightest hug even 
after a fight. Love is knowing 
that I sleep with my phone on 
loud so you know you always 
have someone you can call.

3. Get you some friends that 

are brutally honest - If someone 
can’t tell you that your flan-
nel doesn’t match the 90s look 
you’re trying to pull off, they 
aren’t real. As hard as the truth 
is to hear, it has been so useful. It 
made me reevaluate the ways in 

which I utilized or didn’t utilize 
my privilege effectively. Calling 
each other out/in when we per-
petuated isms was vital. Sitting 
down and working through our 
flaws together, pushing our-
selves to grow, becoming more 
culturally aware of our back-

grounds in order to see the best 
in each other, that was friend-
ship.

4. Get you some friends that 

understand that you need to 
take care of yourself - #Self-
Care has come to mean so 
many different things. From a 
trendy new hashtag to a deeper 
understanding of Audre Lorde. 
I have learned to respect the 
healthy ways in which one cares 

Surround yourself with the ones that uplift you

