Dedicated to the memory of my great-

aunt Tillie Gross, a force to be reckoned 
with and as sharp-minded as they come.
I 

am graduating a year early from 
the University of Michigan, 
receiving a B.A. in international 
studies with a concentration 

in international security, norms and 
cooperation, as well as minors in history 
of art and oceanography.

Yeah, thank you, I would love my gold 

star now please.

The reason I’m starting off with that 

is for my own benefit, really. A lot of 
what this column has been is me trying 
to relate to you, the reader, like I’m Amy 
Poehler’s character in “Mean Girls” 
— the mom who wears a pink Juicy 
track suit and is delightfully desperate 
to be cool. What I’m aiming to do in 
this column, though, is to embody the 
confidence of Lady Gaga in her meat 
dress while coming off as intelligent 
as Rachel Carson and Marie Curie 
to explain why I am OK(ish) about 
graduating and low-key not freaking out 
anymore.

That’s right, you’re about to come on a 

journey of soul-searching with me.

Let’s rewind.
Three years ago, I was a senior in 

high school studying for six AP exams 
and preparing for my final research 
presentation — I had conducted a three-
year-long research project on ocean 
acidification in conjunction with the 
National Oceanic and Atmospheric 
Administration to relative national 
success. I was caught up in the stress of 
unimportant grade school drama and 
slightly disappointed I had committed to 
the University after being rejected from 
my 
top-choice-since-forever 
school, 

Yale University.

I was a smart kid (4.1 GPA), from a 

great family — my sister is my best friend 
— and participated in so many after-
school activities I now actually slightly 
gag wondering how I did it — rowing 
team, honor societies, piano and French 
horn lessons, Hebrew school, fall play, 
spring musical, community service (my 
role model in life is my high-school self). 
For the first time in my life, after reading 
my Yale rejection letter, I had been told 
what I did was not good enough for 
something I thought I deserved. I had to 
confront the reality that I might not be 
special.

Yes, I know, what a sob story. White-

and-Jewish-girl-from-New-York-is-
not-as-cool-as-she-thought-she-was. 
I completely get that, but, at the same 
time, bite me.

So I had committed to the University, 

and I told myself I was happy. I was, to 
some degree. But it wasn’t Yale. It wasn’t 
Ivy. (Looking back, though, who cares?) 
There was no pivotal moment when I 
decided I had made the right decision 
and that the universe obviously wanted 
me to go to the University over Yale. 
But, looking back, I couldn’t see myself 
anywhere else.

A lot of what I 

have been word-
vomiting across 
The Statement’s 
pages this year is 
directly 
related 

to 
insecurity. 

Insecurity 
that 

maybe I won’t 
achieve 
what 

I 
want, 
and 

insecurity 
that 

I might not be 
successful 
and 

end up leading 
an “average” life. 
And insecurity if 
I am making the 
right 
decisions 

and 
doing 
the 

right things to get 
me going in the 
right direction to 
land me in the right place.

Here’s what the University taught 

me: Insecurity is as common as having 
a nose and two eyes on your face. For the 
most part, people are putting their best 
foot forward in a society that tries to 
hide that one foot behind.

(Don’t worry, Mom and Dad, I learned 

a lot of other things too. For example, I 
learned how to write a 15-page essay the 
night before it’s due and get an A.)

I’m graduating a year early, which is 

thrusting me into the “real world” a full 
365 days earlier than I had planned. A 
lot of this year was me slowly doubting 
myself over and over about every choice 
I’ve made. Why couldn’t I have done 
this essay better? What if I had done 
Michigan in Washington? Do I really 
need to graduate early? Do I even want 
to go to law school? I should have spent 

more time on this job application, why 
didn’t I? Etc.

It was crushing me, suffocating 

me, thinking that I have let go of 
opportunities and that I’m doing 
something wrong. My frenzy manifested 
itself in self-debilitating humorous 
articles and retreating from doing much 
more than homework and Netflix and 
student organization meetings.

I’m not sure why, but I suddenly 

stopped around the beginning of April 
with the “what-ifs” and the “if-thens.” 
Instead, I started with the, “well-nows.” 
Well, now I’m headed to the University 

of 
Edinburgh 

to get a one-
year 
Master’s 

Degree in marine 
systems 
and 

policies. 
Well, 

now I’m studying 
for the LSAT and 
praying to Yeezy 
that I do OK. 
Well, now I am 
just taking things 
in stride.

Why?
Because, I let 

go of this need to 
plan.

Starting with 

my Yale rejection 
— and, arguably, 
starting 
with 

my first Google 
search 
for 

colleges — it was all about planning and 
doing and seeing enough to get me to the 
“next step” on my way to my “next goal.” 
There was always a well-thought-out 
plan between high school and college 
— see my very first Statement column 
about this. Once I let go of my insecurity 
with the lack of plan between college 
and post-graduation, the air has become 
easier to breathe.

I’m not special. That’s the biggest 

lesson I learned here, surrounded by the 
brightest and most passionate people I 
know. I’m not going to necessarily enact 
worldwide change, but I can enact one 
change in one person with a smile. I’m 
not the best, because there’s no true 
definition for what the “best” is. I’m not 
the smartest, because there are different 
types of intelligence.

I am OK with graduating, though. 

And that’s because I am comfortable 
with being uncomfortable. I am OK with 
graduating, because graduation doesn’t 
mean letting go of what you know. 
Graduation just means heading forward 
into an unknown future filled with 
whatever opportunities and possibilities 
you make for yourself.

Congratulations to the class of 2017, 

we got this. Also, send me a text if you 
have an idea about how to decorate my 
graduation cap! OK, thanks!

 
How to: Pay attention during the 

graduation ceremony

1. OK, you finally get to your seat, now 

fidget for 500,000 seconds

2. OK, you’re settled
3. Great, aren’t you soooooooooo 

excited to be here

4. Shake it off, it’s too early to start 

being sarcastic

5. Stay alert, you never know what will 

fall from the sky in the Big House (TBT to 
the parachuting man who landed on the 
field in a pre-show for a football game!)

6. Pick at the scab on your ankle, first 

bug bites of the season are great

7. Oh my lord, who even is talking right 

now?

8. The back of yo head is ridikulus, girl 

two rows in front of me with the shiny 
blond hair

9. What even happened to MadTV 

anyway?

10. Let’s get some shoes
11. Ugh, my parents are WAVING AT 

ME. like, seriously can you GET SOME 
CHILL?

12. Ooops, forgot to clap
13. OK, I’ll start clapping now
14. ABORT, ABORT; EVERYONE 

STOPPED CLAPPING

15. Oh, something’s happening
16. Ugh are my pit stains showing?
17. I’ll just wear my robe in the photos 

later, I’ll be “collegiate”

18. This tassel is in my face, GTFO, 

tassel, no one needs you here

19. Andddddddddd I’m bored
20. I think this is it!
21. Nope
22. Now?
23. All I can think about is food
24. Was that even English?
25. Oh … cool … guess I’m officially an 

alum

26. Man, I’m hungry
27. Go Blue!

3B
Wednesday, April 12, 2017 // The Statement 

How To: Graduate
BY SYLVANNA GROSS, DAILY SPORTS EDITOR

PHOTO COURTSEY OF SYLVANA GROSS

