M

y best friend 
from 
the 

University 
of 

Washington messaged me 
the other day: “Last class of 
my undergraduate degree!” 
I 
responded 
positively, 

albeit less animated than 
usual as I was waking up 
from a nap. When I got up 
from my bed, I walked to 
the bathroom and stared 
at my reflection. I was 
panicking.

In five weeks I’ll be 

sending 
that 
same 
text 

message.

(To be fair, I’m distracting 

myself by mentally planning 
exactly what alumni apparel 
I get to drop $300 on at 
the M Den.) (As if. I’ll be 
buying the $20 gray hooded 
sweatshirt with “Michigan 
Alumni” emblazoned on the 
breast that you find in that 
bonus room on the second 
floor that smells slightly 
like library books.)

I tend to think that 

something is much, much 
harder (grandiose, or easier 
or happier) than it really is. 
I hype something up to the 
point that I’m creating an 
entirely different situation 
than what is presented 
before me.

I propose that graduation 

is not like this. Our hype, 
our 
panic, 
our 
worry, 

our 
oh-my-god-what-

is-happening 
vibe 
is 

completely validated. I also 
propose that this transition 
manifests 
itself 
in 
our 

manic dinner reservations. 
Bear with me, I swear I 
have a point out of this 
ludicrous statement.

Over Thanksgiving Break, 

I remember talking with my 
mom about making dinner 
reservations for graduation 
weekend. I explained that 
the reason I was doing a 
less-than-stellar 
job 
at 

saving my minimum-wage 
paycheck was because I was 
“researching” restaurants 
for graduation weekend. 
We agreed that as soon as 
the restaurants would take 
reservations, I would make 
three, one for every night 
my family is coming out to 
Ann Arbor.

Winter Break, I couldn’t 

make the reservations.

Spring Break, I couldn’t 

make the reservations.

In all honesty, I came 

back from Spring Break, 
spent 
three 
days 
not 

checking to see if I could 
make 
reservations, 
and 

then decided to wait a more 
couple days before checking 
again. Two days later, I 
couldn’t 
make 
a 
single 

reservation 
(hyperbolic, 

I managed one on Friday 
night).

Like 
there 
was 
just 

one zebra carcass in the 
middle of the Serengeti, the 
vultures swooped in and 
devoured the innards and 
licked the black-and-white 
skin off their lips (in this 
metaphor, the reservation 
is the zebra and the seniors 
are the vultures).

Our 
hyped-up 
sense 

of 
nervousness 
about 

graduation 
transitioned 

into hyper-awareness about 
over 
planning. 
Planning 

for the one thing that we 
can, because we can’t plan 
for the feeling of throwing 
our hats up in the air and 
letting go of this place we 
call home.

I’m only slightly bitter 

that 
everything 
was 

booked. My mom prefers 
cooking at home anyway 
(healthier, cheaper, easier), 
and considering I have a 
kitchen in my apartment, it 
all works out for the better. 
Instead of rushing to make 
a reservation, everyone is 

welcome at my house for 
some baked salmon and 
roasted asparagus over a 
bed of quinoa. Or just some 
roasted chicken and frozen 
peas. Either way, it’s going 
to be with my family.

And either way, I’m going 

to graduate.

How 
to: 
Listen 
to 

your mom and make a 
reservation for graduation 
the first time she asks you.

1. You know you will feel 

better if you can check that 
off your mental to-do list

2. She’s usually always 

right.

3. That restaurant you 

really want to eat at will 
be booked within the next 
week anyway, right?

4. 
Ask 
them 
in 
the 

sweetest, sugar-coated tone 
you can if you can make a 
reservation.

5. If they say yes, smile 

and say you need a table 
for 16 in the middle of their 
dinner rush.

6. Congratulations, you 

won the game of life.

7. Re: your mom is always 

right.

8. If they say no, don’t 

lose faith.

9. Clear your throat, and 

call the next place on your 
list.

10. Repeat step nine as 

many times as necessary.

11. Your patio really isn’t a 

bad option, either.

12. Congratulations and 

have a good graduation 
weekend!

2B

Managaing Statement Editor:

Lara Moehlman

Deputy Editors:

Yoshiko Iwai

Brian Kuang 

Photo Editor:

Alexis Rankin

Editor in Chief:

Emma Kinery

Design Staff:

Michelle Phillips

Emily Hardie

Erin Tolar

Nicole Doctoroff

Managing Editor:

Rebecca Lerner

Copy Editors:

Danielle Jackson

Taylor Grandinetti

Wednesday, March 22, 2017 // The Statement 

How To: Make a Reservation for Graduation Weekend

ILLUSTRATION BY MICHELLE PHILLIPS

BY SYLVANNA GROSS, DAILY SPORTS EDITOR

statement

THE MICHIGAN DAILY | MARCH 22, 2017

COVER PHOTO BY ARNOLD ZHOU

