“

Oh, I edit, I don’t write,” is my standard response
to any and all questions about what I do at The
Michigan Daily. I fact-check and correct gram-

mar; those are my two responsibilities. Sure, as a
whole, our section is responsible for upholding the
integrity of the paper by making sure we don’t print
incorrect facts or misspelled names. But functionally,
most of my time is spent Googling obscure City Council
members and deleting commas. Our section is one big
group of grammar nuts generally confused as to how
people are unable to conduct basic Internet research,
full of bitter loathing every time we’re forced to delete
an Oxford comma (bite me, AP, they’re important)
and extremely well-versed in the art of leaving snarky
copy notes that end in a passive-aggressive question
mark to make them seem like suggestions. We’re too
eloquent to be all that fun at parties, and our desk
tends to be one of the more quiet ones in the news-
room. And I love it.

But every once in awhile I look up from whatever

846th article about the deer cull I’m reading over and
pause. I love it, but I also love the anonymity and the
shield that accompanies it. I’m not the one with the
opinions, and I’m not held accountable for anything.
Second-handedly accountable, sure, but whatever mis-
print or other offense the public is up in arms about is
always directed at the writer, not the editor. I avoid
the dirty work and long hours and lounge in the safety
net that comes from being able to sweep by and make
everyone else’s opinions look pretty, and leave my own
in their carefully guarded box. And the fact that I love
that is a bit of an issue.

Because it’s not like I don’t have opinions, I just don’t

like passing judgment on a subject until I feel as though
I’ve been properly educated on it and have taken the
time to think it through. I collect perspectives, hoard-
ing as many different opinions as I can to try to get a
glimpse of the bigger picture. But a side effect of this
is a crippling uncertainty, a barrage of options that
does not lend itself well to being pared down. Look at
it this way: I had some two months’ notice to write this
article and yet here I am, writing it two hours before
it’s due, because it took me two months to properly for-
mulate my opinions on not having opinions. And it’s

not like the neutral is a valid option — I can’t decide if
an “I don’t know” feels more like a cop-out or a neon
dunce cap, although it most often best describes what
I think. It’s not that I don’t have adequate information
on the subject, but that I just don’t know which bit is
most applicable to how I view the world. Needless to
say, the gestation period tends to last longer than the
duration of your average conversation, so I often find
myself having to prematurely spit out half-formulated
ideas that are graceless at best and offensive at worst.

But luckily, I don’t write. I think maybe I’ll just stick

to my bubble and keep restructuring dangling parti-
ciples in peace.

2B

Magazine Editor:

Karl Williams

Deputy Editor:

Nabeel Chollampat

Design Editor:

Shane Achenbach

Photo Editor:

Zoey Holmstrom

Creative Director:

Emilie Farrugia

Editor in Chief:

Shoham Geva

Managing Editor:

Laura Schinagle

Copy Editors:

Emily Campbell

Alexis Nowicki

Jose Rosales

the statement

Wednesday, March 23, 2016 / The Statement

Copy That: I Don’t Write

B Y B I Z D O K A S

the
tangent

T H O U G H T B U B B L E : SERVI CE GRO U P S

“On campus I am involved with Alpha Phi

Omega, a coed service fraternity. I joined

APO as a freshman after randomly talking

to someone in a dining hall, and my friends

and I all joined that semester. It has been

an amazing experience to meet other

students passionate about service, and I’ve

had experiences I never would have had

otherwise.”

– LSA sophomore Lauren Smith

ILLUSTRATION BY EMILIE FARRUGIA

ZOEY HOLMSTROM/DAILY