2B — Thursday, February 11, 2016
the b-side
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
Similar to Hodge, University
graduate
student
Kelly*
also feels a certain stigma
against
her
romantic
and
sexual
orientations.
Kelly
identifies as a lesbian in a
non-sexual open relationship
with a man. Even though her
romantic relationship doesn’t
correlate
with
her
sexual
orientation,
sexuality
still
plays an important role in her
expression of love.
“Even if I don’t want to have
sex with anyone, that doesn’t
change
who
I’m
attracted
to,” Kelly said. “My sexual
orientation isn’t about who
I sleep with; it’s about who I
love.”
Kelly, who also works as a My
Voice panelist at the University
Spectrum
Center,
mentions
that she entered her current
relationship with no idea of
what she wanted or even a
full understanding of her own
sexual orientation, but that
she and her partner are both
constantly changing as people,
as well as the nature of their
relationship.
“Relationships aren’t static,”
Kelly
continued.
“I’m
not
interested in sex or many types
of physical intimacy with my
partner, but I still love him
romantically.”
Love
can
be
seen
as
multidimensional,
especially
in
differentiating
between
sexual
relationships
from
romantic
ones.
According
to Pharmacy student Kevin
Sparks, who identifies as gay
and
gender-fluid
and
also
works as a MyVoicepanelist and
GPS Mentor at the Spectrum
Center, romantic and sexual
relationships
each
contain
distinguishing traits.
“Simply
put,
a
romantic
relationship has sex within it,
but a sexual relationship has no
romance,” Sparks said.
Sparks went on to elaborate
the romantic relationship, in
that it “involves a deeper level
of shared intimacy, even outside
of the sexual relationship, and
moves beyond companionship
and into a shared desire for
one
another’s
bodies
and
commitment.”
Love comes in many forms.
The notion that love comes
only exclusively in a singular
combination of sex and romance
isn’t always necessarily true.
When
love
is
specifically
related to sex and romance, it
doesn’t have to be both sexual
and romantic; it can be “either/
or.”
Monogamy,
polyamory,
living in (somewhat) perfect
harmony
Monogamy has been the set
standard of relationships for
quite a while. But even though
monogamy
is
perceived
as
“normal” by societal means, it
really isn’t. Sure, we have been
evolutionarily conditioned to
attract, mate and live with one
person for the rest of our lives.
But should that always be the
case? For people who identify
as polyamorous — being in love
or romantically involved with
more than one person at the
same time — relationships are
much more fluid. Hodge talked
about the beneficial aspects
of polyamorous relationships,
since they involve a lot of
honesty and rely on a lot of
trust.
“Polyamory is often looked at
as cheating or being unfaithful,”
Hodge said. “But it can also be
super healthy, where all these
people have this genuine love
for each other.”
If you’re not convinced, try
watching the 15-minute video
made by Elite Daily, titled “A
Polyamorous Couple’s Guide
To
Sleeping
With
Multiple
Partners.” The clip follows
Brooklyn partners Caleb and
Tran, who both identify as
polyamorous.
They
describe
their
journeys
of
having
both
sexual
and
romantic
relationships with other people,
while still retaining their own
special relationship as “primary
partners.”
Throughout
the video, Caleb and Tran
emphasize the key elements
to
maintaining
a
healthy
polyamorous
relationship,
which are openness, honesty
and
communication.
They
explain how they constantly
discuss their anxieties about
jealousy and their developing
interests in other people to
one another. And because of
their relentless candidness, the
two are able to maintain their
own loving relationship and
relationships with others.
It’s easy to just assume
that
this
couple
is
using
polyamory as an excuse to
avoid commitment. But the
video shows Caleb and Tran
weighing in on the costs and
rewards of polyamory, as well
as their genuine, unconditional
love for one another. This
isn’t to say that monogamy is
a limiting or bad thing (it can
also be just as beautiful and
dynamic). However, polyamory
paves the way for people who
don’t fit in the “normal” realm
of relationships to explore their
own identity and engage in
developing strong relationships
with people, whether platonic,
sexual or romantic.
Embrace the ace (and other
non-binary orientations)
So how should our society
and culture better represent
people who don’t identify in the
binary?
While LGBTQ civil rights and
representation are increasingly
becoming part of mainstream
society,
a
lack
of
media
representation and education
still exists for the LGBTQ
community and especially for
non-binary communities. Over
time, sexuality and romance
have
become
prominent
in
our media — film, television,
music, books and specifically
Valentine’s Day — and a lot of
those mediums often capture
sexuality and romance through
a heteronormative lens.
“A lot of our society is geared
towards
sex,”
Hodge
said.
“And even as an asexual, it’s
sometimes hard for me to say
that I really don’t want to have
sex.”
Hodge said that the topic of
not having sex is not widely
discussed and that when it is,
it’s said “in the way that it’s
shamed, like, ‘Oh, you poor
virgin.’ ”
Moreover,
media
can
be
perceived
as
generating
heteronormative
content
intentionally
for
the
sake
of
maintaining
the
normal
standard of what a “proper”
sexual
and
romantic
relationship
should
be.
Valentine’s Day, in particular,
makes
this
struggle
for
recognition among the non-
binary community extremely
difficult,
since
the
holiday
caters toward predominantly
binary-based relationships.
Sparks
believes
that
the
mediums
and
commercial
outlets
in
our
society
all
“knowingly
promote
themselves through idealistic,
heteronormative,
two-person
relationships
because
they
believe that will provide them
with
the
most
successful
outcome
and
the
most
consumers.”
“It
is
not
a
lack
of
awareness that causes this
underrepresentation,”
Sparks
continued.
“But
rather
a
choice on behalf of a cisgender,
heteronormative,
binary-
seeking person to disengage
an integral portion of the
community.”
As someone who doesn’t
conform to the romantic and
sexual binary, Kelly also has
to constantly deal with “the
assumption that people like
(me) don’t exist — whether
that’s because you don’t want to
be in a relationship, are in more
than one relationship or in a
relationship with more than
one person, are in a nonsexual-
romantic relationship.”
While our society has yet
to expand its inclusiveness
toward
people
with
non-
binary sexual and romantic
orientations,
education
can
be one essential component
in reaching that goal faster.
This can pertain to breaking
down LGBTQ and non-binary
stereotypes, informing people
about the variety of terms used
to describe LGBTQ and non-
binary orientations and general
inclusion of people who aren’t
heterosexual,
heteroromantic
or
cisgender.
Validity
is
particularly
important,
as
Hodge points out, because “it
recognizes that other people
are different from you.”
Even the queer community,
Hodge continued, doesn’t know
much about non-binary terms
because they’re not widely
discussed. Sparks said he feels
a similar way, since for him,
it’s difficult expressing himself
to others, as someone “whose
sexual preferences far exceed
the ‘vanilla’ standard that is
societally acceptable.”
What’s love got to do with it?
Relationships,
whether
sexual or romantic, are not
about always being in one fixed
state. Rather, they are about
embracing
multiple
feelings
that transcend the binary.
“People aren’t always gonna
be on this black and white
scale, but rather be (part of
the) rainbow spectrum,” Hodge
said.
It’s true that our society
is progressing in accepting
and embracing the LGBTQ
community with an emphasis
on love and pride. A national
milestone was made this past
summer on the Supreme Court’s
decision to overturn several
state laws and statutes banning
same-sex marriage, including
Michigan’s,
legalizing
it
nationwide.
Sunday’s
Super
Bowl halftime performance was
another great example of this as
well, as a multi-colored crowd
spelled out “Believe in Love,”
while Chris Martin of Coldplay,
Bruno Mars and Beyoncé belted
out a medley. But what our
society must continue to strive
for is acceptance of people
who don’t associate with the
traditional idea of love, and
once we achieve that, then
love can seen not as black or
white, but for what it truly is: a
rainbow.
By NATALIE ZAK
Daily Community Culture Editor
If you could go back in time
to see any concert, who would
you see and why?
“R.E.M.
1980. In
Athens,
Georgia for
their first
concert. Also,
David Garza,
when he
planted a big,
wet kiss on
my cheek at
his concert in
Austin,” said
author Mo
Daviau in an interview with
The Michigan Daily.
Daviau, a graduate of Smith
College and the University of
Michigan’s coveted M.F.A.
program, used this enthralling
question as the premise for her
debut book, “Every Anxious
Wave,” set to release February
9. He will be giving a reading at
Literati on Monday, Febuary 15.
Both an icebreaker and
a cunning plot designed to
silently judge an individual’s
music taste, Daviau brought this
innocent conversation starter to
life in “Every Anxious Wave.”
Delving into the conundrum of
time travel and the love, loss
and inevitable misadventures
it brings, Daviau’s debut novel
documents the life of a burned
out indie-rock guitarist named
Karl Bender and the turn his
mundane life takes when he
discovers a wormhole in his
closet.
That’s right, a wormhole.
A rip in the space-time
continuum exists in Karl’s
Chicago apartment, rests above
his beloved bar, which houses
alcoholic relief for its regulars
and rock concerts for those
willing to pay a hefty price.
“I was having a crappy
evening of self-pity in 2010
when I had the idea that if I
cranked up the song “Sally
Wants” by the band Henry’s
Dress loud enough I could break
the space-time continuum and
propel myself back to 1995 and
make entirely different life
choices,” Daviau said. “This
obviously didn’t happen, but
instead I sat down and began
writing the book.”
This may have been the
precise moment Daviau began
writing her premiere work,
however the idea for it was
churning in her mind for years
before she first put pen to paper.
After losing her father at the
age of sixteen, Daviau always
dreamed of spending more time
with him to compensate for the
lost years of father-daughter
bonding. Of course this was an
impossible dream, but in her
ambitious imagination there
was one logical way of achieving
it: time travel.
Although Daviau is unable
to master the art of time travel
herself, she is able instead to
cultivate a landscape in which
her characters not only master
it but use it to correct the losses
with which the universe has
unfairly burdened them.
What’s most intriguing about
this novel, however, is not
the wormhole or side story of
Karl’s best friend getting stuck
in Mannahatta in the year 980.
No, what’s most fascinating is
Daviau’s remarkable ability to
weave a love affair starring the
tough, prickly, determinedly
independent Lena into a story
already consumed by the
inconsistencies of time.
It’s not narrator and
protagonist Karl that
dominates the story; it’s his
love interest, Lena. She is
dragged into Karl’s life by
his desperate need for an
astrophysicist to get Wayne,
the aforementioned lost-in-
time colleague, back from the
Stone Age. Lena hurdles into
Karl’s bar and life with all
the battle scars of a woman
who has both endured sexual
assault and fought her way to
the top of a male-dominated
field.
“Lena is an amalgam of
various women I have known
as friends and colleagues over
the years — women who have
been slightly beaten down by
life, women who have received
poor treatment in their careers
and education in terms of
sexual assault or abuse or any
other number of things that
happen mostly to women that
affect their ability to succeed,”
Daviau said.
She’s not just an amalgam;
she’s an enigma. Lena and
Karl enter into a relationship
characterized by a reversal of
gender roles and punk rock,
but she refuses to continue to
bear the burden of her past
when an easy solution for her
problems presents itself in the
form of Karl’s closet. Instead
of disclosing her past to Karl,
she takes matters into her own
hands.
“Girls like Lena are
underrepresented in
literature,” Daviau said.
Modern heroines have
presented themselves in
the form of “The Hunger
Games” ’s Katniss Everdeen
and “Divergent” ’s Tris. They
are simultaneously strong,
unimpeachable, hopelessly
beautiful and intelligent.
Their fatal flaws make them
dynamic, appeal to mass
audiences and have created a
specific brand of toughness.
The women Daviau strives to
convey through Lena are those
that have been beaten down
time after time by society but
still rise up to meet a challenge.
The character of Lena isn’t
strong because she has been
thrown into a dystopian world
and has to be, she is strong
because brutal circumstances
endured in reality have made
her that way.
Time travel and sexual
assault aren’t traditionally
complementing topics broached
in literature, but Daviau
skillfully combines them to
create both a world in which a
21st century Chicago landlord
can engage in a heated affair
with Freddie Mercury, and
a woman can revisit the
emotional trauma of a parent’s
death.
“Life. Life is what gives this
story balance,” Daviau said,
for from her perspective, life is
just as strange and inexplicable
as the subjects she addresses in
her book.
And thus, the astrophysicist
and retired guitarist enter
into a relationship that spans
thousands of years and quite
literally transverses the
universe, moving from a time
when language is in its early
stages of development to the
apocalypse.
For her debut novel, Daviau
has certainly made a point
to stand out. She champions
feminism and science and
esoteric indie rock bands over
the course of 250 pages. “Every
Anxious Wave” isn’t simply
a romance. And it isn’t just a
tribute to strong women. It is
a science fiction, rock ‘n’ roll
punk opera with a twist of
fate written in the stars of 980
Mannahatta.
Daviau to unleash
her dystopian world
SINGLE REVIEW
“Avoiding Boys” is a song
worthy of blowing out your
speakers. It’s a dance-around-
in-your-
underwear,
confidence-
demanding
track.
ROMP,
the group
responsible
for the tour
de force, is
expected
to release
its first
full-length album, Departure
From Venus, in early March.
The chorus of “Avoiding
Boys” is undeniably empow-
ering, with thrashing guitar
backing up a voice telling you
“I don’t care what you might
say / This is gonna be a great
fucking day.” In combina-
tion with this emboldening
refrain, the song can read
as a self-help guide for the
apathetic millennial, toting
lines such as “Last summer I
could barely get up / Noting
was easy.” Lines such as this
hint at mental illness, a topic
that is becoming more openly
discussed, and presents it in
an approachable, normalizing
way.
“Avoiding Boys” is mighty
in soundscape, honest in its
ideas and a pretty good stand-
in for a good friend telling you
that everything will be ok. Not
to mention the title, which
presents some great advice in
and of itself.
- CARLY SNIDER
A
Avoiding
Boys
ROMP
Bad Timing
Records
BAD TIMING RECORDS
Fiction at
Literati:
Mo Daviau
Monday,
Feb. 15
Literati
Bookstore
Free
COMMUNITY CULTURE PREVIEW
By HANNAH SPARKS
Daily Arts Writer
Cut outs, open backs and
shiny leather are among us in
the latest Versace collection. The
first few models to walk the run-
way are dressed in stark white
outfits that are coupled with
neon details. The first jacket is
slightly boxy, structured and has
straps that look like a mimic of
neon suspenders. The ever so
talented rapper, Riff Raff would
be all over it.
I’m currently reaching for the
Tylenol because I sense a head-
ache coming on. This first wave
of neon is nauseating. It does
come back to us later on. Fortu-
nately it’s mixed in with blue and
black pieces so it’s much easier
on the eyes. In fact later on in
the show a model walks out in
a long sky blue dress. The top
of the dress is quite incredible,
as it looks like it’s made of PVC
plastic. PVC is the same material
that is used the make the “Jel-
lies” sandals. It’s strung around
the models neck, wrapped
around her arms just below the
shoulder, cut out around the ribs
and finally it’s met with the blue
fabric itself that makes up the
rest of the dress. The colorful
PVC runs down the sides of the
dress, which resembles dripping
paint. It’s a bold look, one that
I could see Taylor Swift try-
ing to pull off, but failing in the
process.
Five minutes into the show
the most creative mini-dress I’ve
ever witnessed comes floating
down the runway. It’s what sexy
and fun mini-dress dreams are
made of. It’s the same color blue
as the Crayola markers I would
get so hype for when I was
younger. The dress has some-
what of a blue and white check-
erboard pattern, just enough
to make you gravitate towards
whoever wears it. There are
circular cut out shapes around
the chest and down the bodice
that stop just before the hips.
The same goes for the back of
the dress. I’m slightly obsessed
with this piece and am curious
to know how it would look on
someone who could actually
fill it out. *Coughs* me, please
Donatella send it to me. Whether
its your taste or not, it undeni-
ably demands attention and has
my vote for the best dress in the
collection.
Somehow the next look (the
worst look) was very unflatter-
ing, even on the 90lb model that
wore it. It’s a white long dress,
the left shoulder is held up by
a fashionable looking seatbelt.
There is a massive cutout right at
the hipbone. This makes it look
like someone put an oversized
hole in the side of the dress.
Unfortunately this just makes
the model look like she has a
very round side, like her non-
existent fat is popping out.
So I’m all about the whole
“Free the nipple” campaign, as
well as ditching my bra, but let
me tell you these last two looks
embrace those ideas to the full-
est. There are two dresses one
short, one long and for both of
them the chest area is complete-
ly see-through. Made of a very
thin crystal-like material they
leave little to the imagination.
It’s a super sexy look and I can’t
wait to see which celebrity is
bold enough to wear one of these
dresses.
Donatella Versace knows how
to make a woman look sexy and
confident. This collection had
a few questionable pieces but
other than that it’s clean cut,
colorful, and fearless. If I had to
describe it in one word, I would
say it was “Powerful.” I can’t
wait until the day I can walk
around in something labeled
Versace. Until then I will chan-
nel my inner Versace vibes, no
matter what I’m wearing.
What Donatella’s
dreams are made of
STYLE RECAP
LOVE
From Page 1B