Wednesday, January 20, 2016 // The Statement 
7B

Personal Statement: The First Days

W

e’ve all experienced it — the 
nervousness and constant self-
deliberation. Do I sit next to 

that cute girl or boy in lecture? Do I intro-
duce myself before the professor begins 
her spiel or after? Should I gel my hair on 
the first day? Jeans or sweatpants? These 
are the constant questions that many 
college students (including myself) ask 
themselves before the first day of classes.

I, however, must also deal with a dif-

ferent anxiety — I stutter. And while it’s 
not a major barrier in my speaking skills, 
whenever I find myself nervous, I stutter 
significantly more. It’s just a fact that I’ve 
noticed, and there’s little I can do to stop 
it. It’s unfortunate, and I hate it.

In high school it was easier, because I 

generally had classes with the same kids. 
Thus, I felt comfortable speaking in class 
and seldom worried about participat-
ing in discussions. In college, however, it 
has proven more challenging. Each of my 
courses comes with a new set of peers to 
learn and engage with. As a result, the 
first days of class are the most difficult for 
me. Not only am I forced to decide where 
to sit and who to sit next to, but I am also 
determined not to stutter.

Though I try my best to not let my 

stutter define my identity and actions, I 
know that it will 
always be a part 
of me. During 
my years in high 
school, I spoke 
in front of the 
entire 
student 

body and broad-
casted 
sports 

games 
online. 

Why, then, do 
these first days 
seem so nerve-
racking to me? 
Maybe I’m intimidated by my classmates? 
Like many University students, I was 
in the top of my class in many academic 
disciplines during high school. I felt con-
fident in my ability to succeed in classes, 
be it Honors Spanish or A.P. United States 
History. In college, I am confronted with 
the reality that we all come from second-
ary schools where we strove for the best 
and achieved it. We all succeeded aca-
demically and that’s why we attend this 
university.

In my Spanish course last semester, 

for example, I stuttered more often than 
usual because of struggles with the lan-
guage and because I strived to prove 
myself in the course. I wanted to prove 
that not only could I speak the language, 
but I could speak it fluidly.

For the majority of students, the ice-

breaker questions in those small seminar 
classes serve as a refuge from the monoto-
ny and boredom that may take place in the 
next 14 weeks. I enjoy these icebreakers as 
well. I get to learn about where my class-
mates are from and what they’re studying, 
for example. They also presents for me a 
challenge. In order to prevent my stut-
ter from occurring, I try to think of my 

answers in advance. As soon as I hear the 
question, I began to say quietly to myself. 
“My name is Avi. I’m a freshman from 
Los Angeles. I’m undeclared but lean-
ing toward American Culture or Public 
Policy.” For most, these simple questions 
are, in fact, simple. For the three million 
Americans who stutter, however, these 
questions may be the most anxiety-induc-
ing part of the class.

Don’t get me wrong — I love partici-

pating in class. I enjoy demonstrating my 
ideas to my peers and professors. Despite 
my stutter, I enjoy crafting oral presenta-
tions (depending on the topic, however). 
In order for my presentation to come 
out as fluidly as possible, I must practice 
and practice. While some may feel com-
fortable simply reading through slides 
without practicing, I often must practice 
multiple times to truly succeed.

I enjoy writing because I am judged 

on the quality of my words, not how they 
come out of our mouths. In speech, while 
we would prefer to believe we pay atten-
tion to rhetoric, the words often only suc-
ceed during a charismatic speech, such 
as the empowering “Yes We Can!” pio-
neered by Barack Obama eight years ago. 
In writing, the writer does not require 
astounding oratorical skills. They need 

only 
“speak” 

their 
mind 

without actu-
ally speaking. 
It’s 
interest-

ing to me: I 
love to speak 
my mind, yet 
sometimes it’s 
difficult 
not 

to 
articulate 

my 
opinion, 

but to actually 
“speak.” Few 

others have this problem.

On the first day of each semester I wish 

to share my thoughts with my classmates 
but sometimes refrain because we’re 
not acquainted yet. I have seen stares 
and whispering among neighbors after I 
added a comment in a freshman seminar. 
Whether it’s about my stutter or the accu-
racy of my input, I can’t say for sure. But it 
still brings me anxiety, simply because of 
my stutter.

Obviously, I wish my stutter could 

go away. As I learned from my speech 
therapist at a young age, it will always be 
a part of me. At some points in my life it 
will improve, and at other points it will 
get worse. I must learn how to manage 
it. In some ways, it gives me a determina-
tion that many lack. I strive not only to be 
the best in each course, but also to speak 
as fluidly as possible. In addition to my 
academic goals, I set goals based on how 
infrequently I stutter. While on the first 
days, it may be challenging, I know that as 
the course continues — as I develop rela-
tionships with my classmates and profes-
sors — the stares will disappear and the 
anxiety will cease, and I can then focus on 
making friends to study with and sit with.

by Avi Sholkoff, Daily Sports Writer

ILLUSTRATION BY EMILIE FARRUGIA

“I love to speak my 
mind, yet sometimes 

it’s difficult not to 

articulate my opinion, 
but to actually ‘speak.’”