E
ditor’s Note: Students interviewed for this
article have asked to only be identified by
their first names due to personal subject
matter.
In a coffee shop Monday morning, when the
fog blocked out much of the sunlight and misted
the windows adjacent us, I asked Vic to tell me
about his sex life. Vic, an engineering sophomore
who seemed years older due to his collected,
thoughtful way of speaking, told me about the
loneliness he felt during his first few months in
his freshman year. Glancing out at the grey sky
blurred by our window, he remembered how
friends and the people Vic knew from his high
school were having sex, and he wasn’t.
Like many new freshman, Vic left his family,
high school friends and neighbors behind him
to enroll in a university where he barely knew
anyone. Away from their parents for the first time,
college students are free to engage in behavior
they wouldn’t want their parents knowing about
— such as having casual sex.
Being surrounded by thousands of completely
new people while also being away from their
parents for the first time can make college seem
like the ideal place to have frequent, casual sex.
But this is not the case for many University
students; in fact, most students abstain or stay
away from casual sex altogether.
The Michigan Daily conducted a survey
asking students about various aspects of their
sex life. The survey had a sample size of about
700 undergraduate students roughly evenly
distributed between all four classes. Fifty-seven
percent of respondents identified as women, 41
percent as men and the remaining as a non-binary
gender identity.
Of the respondents, 28 percent said they
considered themselves virgins.
About one-third reported they had not had
sex this semester, and about the same proportion
reported having regular sex — sex at least once a
week.
Though the Daily’s survey reflects just
University students, this pattern is similar for
many campuses in the nation. According to the
Online College Social Life Survey, which surveyed
the sex life of college students at 21 universities
between 2005 and 2011, 20 percent of college
students graduate without ever having sex.
Vic is among the University students who
chose not to have sex while in college.
He said he had never dated anyone in high
school and his town was relatively more
conservative. After coming to college, Vic noticed
more people engaging in casual sex and felt
insecure that he still was not.
“This is the loneliest time any of us have ever
encountered,” he said. “Most of us have grown up
knowing the same people for a decent chunk of
time, there’s never been a time you haven’t been
forced into trying to find new people, for most of
us. I just think that out of that loneliness and that
lack of connection, hook up culture seems like it’s
the easiest way to get into it.”
However, Vic realized after making good
friends who did not feel the need to hook up with
random people, the feeling he was missing out
slowly decreased.
“I am the least lonely I have been in a long time;
I am not having sex,” he said. “I have incredible
friends that I can talk to about my feelings
whenever, and it’s really, really powerful.”
Like Vic, Linda said she has never had sex.
An LSA junior, she said though she was raised
in a conservative home that didn’t value casual
sex, over time she realized this was also the
best decision for her own well-being. She
realized waiting ensures she is more emotionally
connected to her partner, which leads to a
healthier relationship with the other person.
Taylor, an Engineering junior, also abstains
from sex in college. He said he does not envy
hearing other men discuss the girls they slept
with, but rather feels bad they are selfishly going
out to appease their own desires rather than
establish a committed relationship. However,
Taylor admits sometimes struggling to abstain in
a college environment.
“I wouldn’t say that I am tempted by it or desire
it, but that being said I do have my own struggles,”
he said. “We are sexual beings, we want to have
relationships. I do want to have sex.”
In the survey, the Daily asked virgins why they
had chosen to abstain from sex. Though many
people stated religion as their primary reason
for not having sex, respondents also stated they
were “waiting for the right person” or they “were
not into hooking up,” among a variety of other
answers.
Engineering sophomore Asher, too, abstains
from sex in college. He said when he drinks and
goes out to parties, he notices sex as sometimes
being an “end goal” of the night. He said casual
sex does not appeal to him because in the long
term, he knows he would rather wait to build
an emotional connection with a partner rather
than have casual sex with them. He said he sees
hooking up at parties as the opposite of thinking
long-term — it is instant gratification for a
moment in time.
“My intent in going out was never to really
participate in ‘hook up culture,’” Asher said. “At
least personally to me, those kinds of physical
relationship hold a lot more importance to me
than just that instant gratification.”
Of survey respondents who remained virgins,
67 percent of them say it has not impacted
their college experience and 24 percent said it
positively impacted it. Only 8 percent said it has
negatively affected their time at college
Linda said though she recognizes hooking up
and casual sex is a large part of some students’
lives, she found close friends that have her values
and beliefs when it comes to relationships. She
said stereotyping can sometimes make outsiders
think college students are more concerned about
hooking up than they actually are.
“There are a lot of people that are here for
school, they’re here to study and they are here to
take things seriously,” Linda said.
While about a third of students are engaging
in sex regularly, the survey indicated that
perceptions of sex might be skewed. When
asked what portion of campus was engaging in
sex, about half of respondents answered “many”
or “most.”
Seth, an Engineering sophomore who also
chooses not to participate in casual sex for
religious reasons, said hooking up in college
could sometimes become glorified because
students consider it an ideal. He said sex is
enticing to people because the people they want
to be like — popular, well-liked kids on campus
— seemed like they were having sex.
“The athletes, the people who got it figured
out, they just have the world wrapped around
their finger — they’re just having sex all the
time,” Seth said. “It’s almost like high school all
over again … It’s not so much everyone thinks
everyone is doing it, it’s just that the people that
we want to be are doing it.”
To Vic, he said engaging people on campus in
a conversation about sex could vastly help the
feelings of being “left out” for those who have
not had sex or don’t wish to have sex in college.
As we wrapped up our conversation, I told him
the results of the Daily’s survey, and how many
students are virgins and or do not have casual
sex in college.
Glancing out the window again, but this time
to the sun’s reflection on the sidewalk, he said
many people may feel pressured to hook up just
out of loneliness and insecurity, but knowing
that other people aren’t having sex as much as
we think they are will help them make informed
decisions about whether or not they want to
have sex.
“If people knew that it’s at half, sixty percent,
a lot less than what people think … if people
knew then people would feel less left out,” he
said.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015 // The Statement
6B
Virgins on campus confront personal, social pressures
by Allana Akhtar, Daily Staff Reporter
20 percent of college
students graduate
without ever having
sex.
“I am the least lonely
I have been in a long
time; I’m not having
sex.”