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The Michigan Daily | michigandaily.com | Thursday, November 12, 2015
*Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the identities of the individu-
als. The author did not identify herself as a reporter for The Daily, and no conversa-
tions have been recorded without consent.
Seven days, seven dates: Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Coffee Meets
Bagel, Match.com and my real life best friends vying to make the perfect match.
For context, I have never been on a date with anyone I met online. As a
20-year-old college senior, I in no way claim to be an expert in anything love,
sex or relationship-related. The intent of this social exercise was to explore first-
hand some disparities between dating in real life to dating on new media. I sim-
ply posed as the subject of my own experiment, and I’m here to relay my personal
observations.
Since its release as a $750 million start-up in 2012, Tinder has boasted
over 9 billion matches. Match, the parent company that owns Tinder, OkCupid,
Match.com and other dating apps, touted a $49.3 million profit in the first half of
this year. The company just filed to go public three weeks ago.
I was born in 1995. I only know of Richard Simmons
through parodies, self-parodies and commercials, so when I
decided to try out a new exercise routine and write about it
in the name of journalism, the little I knew about this char-
acter was a driving factor in my decision to choose his tapes.
Thanks to the Internet, there are a couple full-length Sim-
mons videos on YouTube, not in the HD quality we’re used
to but in the nostalgic look of tapes from the ’80s. I was origi-
nally going to follow this routine for a week, but I figured I
should focus my analysis on the full-length tapes available
for free (hey, I’m a college student), instead of stumbling
through disjointed clips.
*Disclaimer: I don’t endorse diets and I don’t particularly
enjoy them, especially this one. I merely wanted to share my
frivolous fable of immersion (trying to relate to celebrities
and failing). If you’re an infant prodigy reading this right
now, please, continue eating your baby food! It was made for
you and your underdeveloped masticators!
I’m not cautiously restrictive with my food intake. I
don’t follow any specific dietary regulations. Sometimes I
caustically limit my gluten consumption to be ironic. Some-
times I swap skim for soy in my morning lattes simply be-
cause I prefer the taste. Sometimes I eat too much cheesy
bread (who doesn’t?). Sometimes the next day I eat a giant
bowl of kale for lunch because #balance. My normal diet is
somewhere between eating what I want with sporadic, al-
beit valiant efforts to maximize longevity — namely, my four
weekly guidelines: sipping a latte each morning (self-pam-
pering and espresso are crucial), eating two to three serv-
ings of salmon per week, brewing at least two cups of green
or herbal tea each day and guzzling water around the clock.
The remaining comestibles and libations are an amalgam of
overpriced brunches, sugar-fix pilgrimages to Blank Slate
Creamery, Espresso Royale dirty chais and the occasional
revisit to South Quad Dining Hall with my “I’m an impover-
ished law student” brother. That’s my sustenance story.
by Kathleen Davis, Senior Arts Editor
by Caroline Filips, Daily Arts Editor
by Karen Hua, Daily TV/New Media Editor
See DATING APPS, Page 2B
See BABY FOOD, Page 3B
See RICHARD SIMMONS, Page 2B