2B
Wednesday, November 11, 2015 // The Statement

D

ear Emma,

I’m 
wondering 

about where your 

confidence 
comes 
from, 

if not from relationships. 
Do you feel like you have 
achieved self-confidence in 
a way I haven’t? Explain to 
me how you’ve gotten there. 
Professional and academic 
accomplishments just don’t 
feel as emotional to me, so 
my mind just doesn’t focus 
on them in the same way, the 
same kind of high. Do people 
ever feel as fulfilled in their 
jobs as they do when they are 
in love? I have serious pro-
fessional goals for myself but 
I don’t feel the same visceral 
feeling I get from romantic 
relationships.

Sincerely,
Seeking Confidence

***

Dear Seeking Confidence,
I really appreciate that this 

question assumes I am confi-
dent. There’s an easy answer 
here and it’s mostly rooted in 
defensiveness: find passions 
that lead to personal success, 
and those personal successes 
will give you a sense of confi-
dence that can only be attrib-
uted to you. That’s it. And 
maybe that’s the way it should 
be and the way it will be with 
time — as we learn not to rely 
on one person to build our self-
esteem.

But in saying that, I can 

also add that I listen to Kurt 
Vile when I walk between my 
classes during the day, and it’s 
not necessarily because I dig a 
good indie singer-songwriter. 
I do things like that, within the 
constraints of my real life (re: 

classes, journalistic pursuits), 
because a tiny part of my mind 
is on my boyfriend, and I guess 
subsequently his funky music 
taste. And in that sense, a part 
of my identity is wrapped up 
in him, but as much as having 
a significant other can seem 
like everything, my boyfriend 
is not my source of confidence 
— and it’s not for lack of trying. 
I still feel extremely insecure 
about the way I look, I keep 
failed exams in the back of 
my mind, and when anyone at 
the Daily brings up internship 
prospects, my feelings of inse-
curity skyrocket. Confidence 
comes in waves, no matter 
where you get it from.

I understand what you’re 

saying about being extremely 
dedicated to your professional 
life but feeling something spe-
cial and unreplicable about 
the romantic part of your 
life. Maybe dealing with this 
means reconciling the self that 
is an amazingly ambitious, 
driven woman with the per-
son who likes to feel good, who 
has fun romantically, and gets 
high on that whole experience.

Realize that the value you 

receive from any other per-
son is ephemeral — but that 
also doesn’t make romantic 
relationships a pointless black 
hole you need to eliminate 
from your mind. And more 
than that, the truth is the con-
fidence and personal value 
you, or others who feel fulfilled 
by their jobs or majors or pas-
sions, derive from the profes-
sional and academic world can 
be just as fleeting.

Confidence seems to me 

to be a decision you have to 
make every day — choosing to 
be persistently dedicated to 
the things and people you care 

about will make you feel posi-
tive, and you should. There 
are so many things you abso-
lutely do not have control over 
in your life, but if you can rely 
on having a sense of self that is 
unwavering, all of those things 
suddenly feel a lot more sim-
ple. It’s fake at first, maybe, but 
the success confidence brings 
eventually turns into real con-
fidence.

I also think people just go 

through phases where cer-
tain things are on their minds 
more. I don’t think it’s too 
much of an unfair generaliza-
tion to say students of our age 
are feeling romantic emotions 
pretty strongly, and honestly 
I don’t think that’s a problem.

Sincerely,
Emma

Dear Google: Confidence?

B Y E M M A K E R R
CAMPUS CONFLICTS & 

CONVERSATIONS

ON THE 
RECORD

“I hope to get people over their initial shyness about 
talking about race in mixed company. The funny thing 
about race, gender and ethnicity issues, people are very 

reluctant to discuss them in mixed company.” 

— Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist CLARENCE PAGE in an 

interview with The Michigan Daily

***

“We just wanted to use our platform to take a stance for a 
fellow concerned student on an issue. We love the game, 

but in end of the day, it is just that: a game.”

— University of Missouri football team captain IAN SIMON after 
over 30 football players boycotted the team in response to increased 

incidents of racism on campus.

COVER BY JAKE WELLINS

