2B
Wednesday, November 11, 2015 // The Statement
D
ear Emma,
I’m
wondering
about where your
confidence
comes
from,
if not from relationships.
Do you feel like you have
achieved self-confidence in
a way I haven’t? Explain to
me how you’ve gotten there.
Professional and academic
accomplishments just don’t
feel as emotional to me, so
my mind just doesn’t focus
on them in the same way, the
same kind of high. Do people
ever feel as fulfilled in their
jobs as they do when they are
in love? I have serious pro-
fessional goals for myself but
I don’t feel the same visceral
feeling I get from romantic
relationships.
Sincerely,
Seeking Confidence
***
Dear Seeking Confidence,
I really appreciate that this
question assumes I am confi-
dent. There’s an easy answer
here and it’s mostly rooted in
defensiveness: find passions
that lead to personal success,
and those personal successes
will give you a sense of confi-
dence that can only be attrib-
uted to you. That’s it. And
maybe that’s the way it should
be and the way it will be with
time — as we learn not to rely
on one person to build our self-
esteem.
But in saying that, I can
also add that I listen to Kurt
Vile when I walk between my
classes during the day, and it’s
not necessarily because I dig a
good indie singer-songwriter.
I do things like that, within the
constraints of my real life (re:
classes, journalistic pursuits),
because a tiny part of my mind
is on my boyfriend, and I guess
subsequently his funky music
taste. And in that sense, a part
of my identity is wrapped up
in him, but as much as having
a significant other can seem
like everything, my boyfriend
is not my source of confidence
— and it’s not for lack of trying.
I still feel extremely insecure
about the way I look, I keep
failed exams in the back of
my mind, and when anyone at
the Daily brings up internship
prospects, my feelings of inse-
curity skyrocket. Confidence
comes in waves, no matter
where you get it from.
I understand what you’re
saying about being extremely
dedicated to your professional
life but feeling something spe-
cial and unreplicable about
the romantic part of your
life. Maybe dealing with this
means reconciling the self that
is an amazingly ambitious,
driven woman with the per-
son who likes to feel good, who
has fun romantically, and gets
high on that whole experience.
Realize that the value you
receive from any other per-
son is ephemeral — but that
also doesn’t make romantic
relationships a pointless black
hole you need to eliminate
from your mind. And more
than that, the truth is the con-
fidence and personal value
you, or others who feel fulfilled
by their jobs or majors or pas-
sions, derive from the profes-
sional and academic world can
be just as fleeting.
Confidence seems to me
to be a decision you have to
make every day — choosing to
be persistently dedicated to
the things and people you care
about will make you feel posi-
tive, and you should. There
are so many things you abso-
lutely do not have control over
in your life, but if you can rely
on having a sense of self that is
unwavering, all of those things
suddenly feel a lot more sim-
ple. It’s fake at first, maybe, but
the success confidence brings
eventually turns into real con-
fidence.
I also think people just go
through phases where cer-
tain things are on their minds
more. I don’t think it’s too
much of an unfair generaliza-
tion to say students of our age
are feeling romantic emotions
pretty strongly, and honestly
I don’t think that’s a problem.
Sincerely,
Emma
Dear Google: Confidence?
B Y E M M A K E R R
CAMPUS CONFLICTS &
CONVERSATIONS
ON THE
RECORD
“I hope to get people over their initial shyness about
talking about race in mixed company. The funny thing
about race, gender and ethnicity issues, people are very
reluctant to discuss them in mixed company.”
— Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist CLARENCE PAGE in an
interview with The Michigan Daily
***
“We just wanted to use our platform to take a stance for a
fellow concerned student on an issue. We love the game,
but in end of the day, it is just that: a game.”
— University of Missouri football team captain IAN SIMON after
over 30 football players boycotted the team in response to increased
incidents of racism on campus.
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