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ACROSS
1 “I don’t like it!”
4 Waikiki allure
8 Like an old
jalopy
14 Chemical suffix
15 Hesse-based
automaker
16 Reporter’s coup
17 Man-mouse link
18 Angry young
man’s fate?
20 Hill stint
22 Hershey bar
23 Bygone political
entity that
included Syr.
24 Hercules, e.g.?
28 South African
golfer with four
major
championships
29 Be quite
prevalent
30 Polite response
to Aunt Polly
32 Seasonal
affliction
33 Ingolstadt-based
automaker
35 Crude carrier
39 Result of a
Caribbean
sanitation strike?
44 Poet Sexton
45 Popular melt
meat
46 Einstein’s birth
city
47 50-50, to Fifi
51 __ Council:
“Survivor”
feature
53 Rush
56 Proprietary
paperwork?
59 “Well done!”
analog
60 Pacific feast
61 Drudge
62 Ready-to-hang
Cubist painting?
67 Indian state that
was part of a
former
Portuguese
colony
68 Tamsui River
capital
69 Excited about,
with “on”
70 “Monsters, __”
71 Magellan’s
milieux
72 Breyers
competitor
73 Require
DOWN
1 Regional
organisms
2 Stimulant
trademark
3 Jalapeño product,
for some?
4 San José sun
5 News org.
6 Court charge
caller
7 Soft tissue
8 In front of
9 Many sports
commentators
10 Bee: Pref.
11 Chapeau seen in
“Ratatouille”
12 Quotidian
13 Jury members
19 “__-doke!”
21 Apennines
possessive
25 Ship loading site
26 Word on a bill
27 Old writings
mentioning Odin
31 Open __
32 Org. requiring milk
pasteurization
34 The Bronx’s
Jerome Ave. line
is part of it
36 Mixture that
dissolves gold
37 Rare twosome of
July 2015
38 Pro __
40 Pro’s support
41 1984 Nobel
Peace Prize
winner
42 Regarding
43 Innocent
48 Big name in
mustard
49 Wolf-headed
god
50 One covering
tracks, perhaps
52 Hit on the head
53 Book with steps
54 __ crest: pelvic
border
55 Like H.P.
Lovecraft stories
57 Tremble
58 Oreos, say
63 Org. monitoring
endangered
species
64 Letters of proof
65 Turn that’s hung
66 Chekov’s “Star
Trek” rank: Abbr.
By Jeffrey Wechsler
©2015 Tribune Content Agency, LLC
10/02/15
10/02/15
ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE:
RELEASE DATE– Friday, October 2, 2015
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Y
ou might think that this
column will be about
What a Time To Be
Alive, because FutureDrake/
LoveSounds is the collab of the
century and
that’s what I
would write
about if I
took my job
seriously.
This column
is not about
What a Time
to Be Alive,
however,
and that’s
because it’s
definitely a time to be alive,
but so was last time and next
time will probably be, too. I’m
also not sure what strange
astrological nonsense had to
happen for me to get this job,
so I’m still working out how
to take it seriously. Right now
that means drinking vending
machine coffee and putting pic-
tures of bathroom graffiti on
my Snapchat story at 4 a.m., but
all things are possible through
the Based God, who, as we all
know, works in mysterious
ways (#TYBG).
In any case, we are in fact
alive and, as Riff Raff once
said, “time (time) goes by (goes
by), it goes on (it goes on),
and it don’t stop (don’t stop).”
Winter
changes
to
spring,
spring changes to summer,
and summer changes to Slime
Season,
the
latest
mixtape
from
Atlanta
rapper/weirdo
Young Thug, wherein we finally
discover what Thugger orders
at Chipotle. It’s the gotdamn
salad, naturally.
Slime Season isn’t all that
interesting other than the salad
thing, but you’ll recall from my
last column that I’m somewhat
preoccupied
with
salads
—
albeit of the Dadaist word and
Caesar word varieties — so I
suspect that Young Thug and I
might actually be speaking the
same blanguage. That’s a good
thing, I think, because I’ve been
hung up on what the fuck he’s
talking about in his song “I Got
(feat. Peewee Longway)” since
last September, and I really
miss being able to sleep at night.
I’ll give you the lyrics to
Thugger’s hook, just so we can
all be on the same page:
“I got, bitches in the dirt like
a fucking termite / And this
bitch must think I’m green, but
ho, I’m red like a car light / And
him against me, babe I’ma win
like a pipe / Now give me eight
million, I come to the rescue! /
Yeah, I’ma protect your heart
just like a vest do / Yeah, I’m a
prince I don’t wake up like the
rest do / I’ma ride on your ho
like she a Mongoose.”
There are a few places we
could start, but I think the best
might be to get the obvious
out of the way — this shit is
bananas.
Completely
batshit
brazy (or crazy, for those of
my readers who aren’t well-
versed in blood talk). The rest
of the track is equally insane,
with
Young
Thug
rapping
about
a
potentially
racist,
mildly incestuous sex scene
and forgetting the difference
between his head and his penis
before Peewee Longway shows
up to spit a 24 bar paraphrase of
everything else that happens in
the song.
And yet, somehow all of that
surrealist
nonsense
doesn’t
really shock the conscience —
it’s weird, but at the end of the
day we’re left with a pretty
standard trap song. Thugger
spits his 24-bar verse, mentions
the obligatory drug deals and
luxury goods, and makes the
traditional preposterous sexual
boasts. In short, he follows all
the rules.
Except
there’s
one
spot
where
Young
Thug
does
something truly obscene, and
here he’s offending not only the
trap gods, but also the entire
western metaphysical tradition.
I’m talking, of course, about
that “I’ma win like a pipe” line.
Now, before you give up on
me and go see what my friends
in the sports section have to
say about sportball, take a
moment to consider Slovenian
Marxist
philosopher/human
sinus infection Slavoj Žižek’s
ruminations on the Kinder
Surprise Egg in “The Pervert’s
Guide to Ideology” (if you
haven’t seen the film, go ask the
nearest white man with a beard
to give you a brief synopsis).
The
Kinder
Surprise
Egg
works in much the same way
as a fortune cookie — you open
up the egg/cookie, which has
a milk chocolate/nondescript
cookie shell, and inside you
find a plastic toy/fortune. In
a traditional reading of the
Kinder
egg/fortune
cookie,
Slavoj explains, the toy/fortune
— a hidden, secret meaning or
richness — is the reason why
the entire apparatus exists. You
tear away the cookie or the milk
chocolate shell to get at your toy/
fortune, the true object of your
desire. The same metaphysical
logic applies to certain ways
of
conceptualizing
human
activity,
like
Christianity,
neoliberal capitalism and most
Pitchfork reviews.
As Slavoj goes on to argue,
however, the traditional reading
of the Kinder Egg problem isn’t
necessarily the right one. You
could, for example, treat the
plastic toy/fortune — which is
hard to assign a fixed identity
to, particularly when you’re
talking about the meaning of
life instead of a bunch of lucky
numbers — as the condition
necessary to appreciate its
chocolaty exoskeleton as the
true object of our desire. This
anti-metaphysical assertion is
“hard to grasp,” as Slavoj puts
it, and it’s somewhat unclear
what’s at stake in thinking
about life as an endless search
for chocolaty exoskeletons. I
don’t know about you, but it
sounds kind of fetishistic.
Which brings us back to our
friend Young Thug. What is Thug-
ger really saying when he raps
“Bitch, I’mma win like a pipe”?
The answer, of course, is very
simple: he’s gonna win. And
yet that simple answer doesn’t
quite explain what he said. He’s
gonna win like a pipe. That “like
a pipe” — a sort of dysfunctional
simile that doesn’t actually
explain how he’s going to win,
but just makes a play on the
word “windpipe,” which, of
course, only works because
Young Thug’s voice sounds like
an autotuned crow — is the
essence of Young Thugness.
Thugger is (and we are) pure
finesse: the gloriously absurd
excess that justifies spending
our lives rooting around, not
unlike the pigs and termites
populating his lyrics, in the
quotidian muck of existence.
The true meaning of life, as
Žižek and Young Thug show
us, is to learn to love neither
the salad nor the dressing, but
to love the act of pouring on
the sauce … which might also
explain why that dude is always
rapping about ejaculating.
DePollo is watching sportball.
To find out about the philosophical
underpinnings of the game,
email adepollo@umich.edu.
HIP HOP COLUMN
Young Thug and the
art of salad dressing
ADAM
DEPOLLO
“Like a pipe”
is the essence
of Young
Thugness.
Life as an
endless search
for chocolaty
exoskeletons.
ARE YOU TOUGH
ENOUGH TO DRIVE
INTO A CATEGORY
4 HURRICANE?
THEN JOIN DAILY
SPORTS.
WE’RE DOING IT
TODAY.
Email sportseditors@michigandaily.com for
information on applying.
6 — Friday, October 2, 2015
Sports & Arts
The Michigan Daily — michigandaily.com
Michigan hosts Toronto in
exhibition to open season
Preseason Big Ten
No. 1 ranking puts
high expectations
on Wolverines
By MINH DOAN
Daily Sports Editor
Sunday, the Yost Ice Arena
doors will swing open for the first
time this season.
After a summer of NHL
development
camps
and
internships,
the
Michigan
hockey
team
hosts
Toronto in an
exhibition.
“It’s
our
first game, so I
know we’ll be
excited,”
said
Michigan coach
Red Berenson.
“I hope we see
the intensity of a real game. You
play hockey all summer, and you
get into summer habits. There’s
no stopping and starting, no
hitting, no break-out defense,
so we want to start getting into
some good habits.”
But a new season also brings
high expectations.
The Big Ten coaches picked the
Wolverines to win the conference
in the league’s poll Monday.
Junior forward JT Compher,
sophomore
defenseman
Zach
Werenski and freshman forward
Kyle Connor were also named to
the Big Ten Preseason Players to
Watch list.
Werenski,
one
of
four
unanimous
selections
to
the list, leads
a
defensive
unit
that
returns all of
its significant
contributors.
Two
freshmen,
Joseph Cecconi and Nicholas
Boka, will be adding to the talent
on the blue line. Both come in as
highly touted recruits and 2015
NHL Draft picks.
“They’re
younger,
but
they’re doing a good job taking
everything
in
stride,”
said
sophomore defenseman Cutler
Martin. “As soon as the games
start to come, they’re going to
learn a lot really fast, and they’re
going to be an impact on our
team.”
Connor, the reigning United
States Hockey League Player
of the Year, is among the most
highly touted of those freshmen.
Another summer NHL draft
pick, he brings a wealth of talent
to a team that lost its top three
scorers from last season in Dylan
Larkin, Andrew Copp and Zach
Hyman.
On the other side of the ice,
Toronto comes into the game
after a mediocre 16-16 season.
Led by coach Darren Lowe, the
Varsity Blues travel across the
border to face
two
NCAA
teams
in
Bowling Green
and Michigan,
before heading
back to Canada
to start their
season.
But
in
an exhibition, it won’t be the
opponent that the Wolverines
are worried about. It will be their
own team.
“A lot of the older guys, we
know our systems, but executing
those to more of a tee is going to
be important this year because
obviously, we’ve come one goal
short or one game short of the
tournament
the
past
couple
years,” Martin said. “Making
sure everything is spot on from
the very beginning and working
out those kinks against Toronto is
going to be big because two weeks
later when we play Mercyhurst,
it’s going to be important that we
have everything worked out.”
JAMES COLLER/Daily
Sophomore defenseman Cutler Martin is part of an experienced defense that returns all of its significant contributors.
Toronto at
Michigan
Matchup:
Toronto 0-0;
Michigan 0-0
When: Sunday
5 P.M.
Where: Yost
Ice Arena
TV/Radio:
MGoBlue.com
“It’s our first
game, so I know
we’ll be excited.”