Opinion
JENNIFER CALFAS
EDITOR IN CHIEF
AARICA MARSH
and DEREK WOLFE
EDITORIAL PAGE EDITORS
LEV FACHER
MANAGING EDITOR
420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
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4A — Wednesday, September 16, 2015
E
lisabeth Kübler-Ross’ 1969
book “On Death and Dying”
proposed a new and revo-
lutionary
model
for predicting the
emotions
associ-
ated with loss and
tragedy in human
beings — we know
it today as the “five stages of grief.”
Ross’s model has been modified since
its original publication to include
potential grief-causing life events less
traumatic than losing a loved one. I
suppose Ross didn’t expect that anoth-
er source of grief could eventually be
freshman-year dorm assignments, of
all things.
A common question among stu-
dents when socializing both in and
outside of class begins with the ever-
popular “where are you living?”
It’s a question that can turn into a
moment of bonding or elecit a sigh of
jelousy, especially when one’s living
situation is completely out of their
control, as is the case with freshmen
and many sophomores.
Acclimating to college is arguably
one of the biggest transitions we stu-
dents will face in our lives. We learn
to become independent while find-
ing a happy medium between work
and school. Our living situation is
crucial to success on both sides of
this balance. Ideally, we would want
to both focus and relax, which is
hard to do with a small room and
person we’ve never met before. And
with most students entering the
housing system blindly, all we can do
is hope and pray that we somehow
end up with a carbon copy of our-
selves for a roommate. So, as we are
forced to wait for contracts to come
out, we do what any rational human
being would do in our situation. We
begin the paranoia.
Words that were once centered
around things like “organized”
and “clean” and “goes to bed at a
respectable time” shift and morph
into more realistic things like, “Will
her boyfriend be a problem?” or “Is
this girl a psychopath?” It’s a never-
ending cycle of unlikely situations
that we use to torture ourselves just
enough to prepare for the worst.
Thus, housing becomes probably
the most painful torture device in
the dungeons of our mind.
At this point, I am not afraid to
admit that the thought of ending up
on North Campus kept me awake at
night as soon as contracts began to
be released. In possibly the biggest
first-world problem ever phrased,
I was worried about getting to the
closest Starbucks without taking a
bus to feed my late-night cravings.
You heard me right. So I thanked
whatever deity had taken pity on
this anxiety-ridden college fresh-
man when the words “North Cam-
pus” did not appear on my housing
contract. I began a happy dance,
subsequently stopping dead in my
tracks when a thought occurred —
where on Earth was Mary Mark-
ley Hall? It was at that point I went
through what I now refer to as “The
Five Stages of Residence Hall Grief.”
The first stage was denial. I had
looked up the residence hall in which I
was to spend my first year of college in
and I was in utter, complete denial. So
much so that I refreshed the browser
twice and read the assignment out
loud just to make sure I wasn’t hal-
lucinating or having a nightmare or
anything. It was insane and I was
insane for acting like a spoiled child
for those first few moments. I didn’t
care that I was going to a top univer-
sity or that my roommate and I might
immediately hit it off, as we eventu-
ally did, or even that I didn’t end up on
North Campus because in my mind,
I was even more isolated than North
Campus would have put me. So my
denial morphed into anger and I blew
a fuse — a really big fuse.
To put it lightly, I was frustrated.
To put it heavily, I was absolutely
furious. At orientation, we were
smothered with the lush, glimmer-
ing newness of East Quad Residence
Hall and here I was, stuck in an older
dorm that was both seemingly iso-
lated from the excitement of Central
Campus life and full of cockroaches.
I was angry when the showers were
full, when the morning walk to class
took 15 minutes and when I visited a
dorm that was nicer than mine. Why
me? No, seriously. Why me? Deep
down, I knew I was overreacting, but
at the moment, I really didn’t care. I
just wanted that shiny, new drywall
and those polished wood floors.
Bargaining, the second stage of
grief, began when I first saw the
cramped 10-by-12-foot room that
would become my home for the next
eight months. I subsequently lost
whatever optimism I had recovered
right there and then. Maybe I could
switch? No big deal, problem solved.
Except I couldn’t switch. With this
realization began the self-blaming
period. Maybe if I had been smart
enough to make Honors, I could
have lived in South Quad Residence
Hall. If I had known I wanted to do
language, I could have lived in East
Quad. I was beginning to lose my
anger, only to have it shift into blame.
Depression, the fourth stage,
began immediately when my but-
terfly chair wouldn’t fit anywhere
in the room. Something that was
once again silly somehow released
the frustration that had been build-
ing throughout the weeks before
college. I had said goodbye to my
family and said hello to an empty
room, awaiting the arrival of my
roommate in solitude as I half-
heartedly unpacked to the droning
songs of Pandora.
Acceptance, the final stage, was
the hardest and therefore came
slowly, creeping up on the edge of my
mind throughout the first few weeks
until I couldn’t recall anything prior
to the new happiness I had built for
myself. This last stage became a hall
full of wonderful girls; a fake speak-
easy in the lounge; watching the sea-
sons change outside my oversized
window; falling asleep watching
movies lit by a 13-inch screen and
bagel runs on cold Sunday mornings.
Acceptance began with friends and
never ended.
The five stages of grief applied
to my living situation in a big way.
It enabled me to form an opinion
and false idea of what my freshman
year in Markley would be like before
I had even moved in. In reality,
acceptance was the only stage that
mattered. The rest of the stages are
faraway memories now, remnants of
a time of weakness and selfishness
that I can hardly even remember.
We all hope to get that one dorm,
that one room that we map out per-
fectly and mentally decorate, so
when we end up with something
completely different, it catches us
off guard. The best thing to do is to
grieve, to go through all the stages
of grief until you get the negativity
out of your system so you can finally
accept your situation and learn to
make the best of it. After all, you’re
only a freshman once.
— Megan Mitchell can be
reached at umeg@umich.edu.
Five stages of residence hall grief
Claire Bryan, Regan Detwiler, Ben Keller, Payton Luokkala,
Aarica Marsh, Victoria Noble, Michael Paul, Anna Polumbo-
Levy, Allison Raeck, Melissa Scholke, Michael Schramm, Mary
Kate Winn, Jenny Wang, Derek Wolfe
EDITORIAL BOARD MEMBERS
BRETT
GRAHAM
MEGAN
MITCHELL
GRACE
CAREY
Cupcakes, salad and balance
W
hile scrolling through
Instagram a few weeks
ago,
envying
those
who already had
returned to Ann
Arbor
before
Welcome Week, I
laughed at a pic-
ture of the words:
“Some days you
eat salads and go
to the gym, some
days you eat cup-
cakes and refuse
to put on pants.
It’s
called
bal-
ance.” Five minutes later, I received
a text from my older sister with a
screenshot of the same exact post,
followed by a “hahahahahahahaha”
and a couple of crying-from-laughter
emojis. The reason we were laugh-
ing so hard? Those 24 words pretty
much sum up everything that I can
say about staying healthy in college.
In all seriousness, personal health
— regarding physical activity and
nutrition — is an area that I have
grown into over time. As with many
other people, I grew up athletic.
From figure skating to 10 years of
competitive gymnastics and a few
short stints in ballet and diving, I
spent anywhere from 10 to 20 hours
per week in a gym. After high school,
I rode my accelerated metabolism for
at least a year before I felt any dif-
ferent. I’ve never trusted scales or
counted calories because, for me, it is
a lot more than how my clothes fit or
what I see in the mirror or any num-
ber that represents how “healthy” I
am. Instead, it is the feeling I get in
the pit of my stomach after knowing I
am not fueling my body in the correct
way or moving enough to keep my
muscles strong.
At first I wholeheartedly resent-
ed the idea of forming new eating
habits, and maybe this was because
my sister was overly strict about
what she ate. Her habits made me
believe the concept of a healthy
diet involved things like cutting out
entire food groups. At this point,
she and I were on polar-opposite
ends of the nutrition spectrum, and
I believe that together, we helped
each other meet in the middle.
Eventually, I found my way back to
a fitness routine that now keeps me
excited to go back to the gym. Full
disclosure: I had a giant bowl of mint
chocolate chip ice cream for lunch
today, so I cannot claim to have it
completely figured out. No one does,
but as a wise Instagram photo once
said, “It’s called balance.”
Balance can be a tricky thing to
find in college, especially at a uni-
versity as difficult as Michigan.
Classes are tough, and finding a
place to study during finals is even
tougher. For a long time, I used the
excuse that I didn’t have the time to
exercise. Time to do anything other
than eat, sleep and study was a pre-
cious resource that, when I found, I
sometimes forgot what to do with. If
I had time to exercise, didn’t I actu-
ally have the time to study more?
Exercising must be a waste of that
precious resource. And nutrition?
How can I be expected to make
healthy eating choices at 2 a.m.,
when I’m staring into the case at
Bert’s, deciding between the double
chocolate chip muffin and an apple?
Muffins go better with coffee; that’s
all I have to say about that.
The thing is, this all-or-nothing
health and fitness attitude is not in
anyone’s best interest. There’s a time
for salads and there’s a time for cup-
cakes, we just have to be self-aware
enough to know which time is which.
It’s true, however, that a cupcake a
day will certainly not keep the doc-
tor away. In order to physically and
mentally stand up to the tasks pre-
sented in the classroom, steps toward
a healthier lifestyle need to be taken
outside of it.
A 2015 study conducted by Maite
Pellicer-Chenoll et al. demonstrated
that high-energy expenditure and
good physical fitness of students was
associated with low BMI and high
academic performance. It is true,
however, that better academic per-
formance may not be solely explained
by physical activity and that there
are other variables involved. One
perspective is that attitude and moti-
vation toward physical activity also,
in a larger sense, play a role in deter-
mining an individual’s outlook on
academics. The catch is that physical
activity can perpetuate this motiva-
tion, which, in turn, can lead to better
academic performance.
Although scientific evidence can
be reassuring, I believe that to see
the positive results of healthy deci-
sions, we don’t even have to look as
far as research. I recommend this:
Instead of using your study break to
watch reruns on Netflix, work out for
an hour. Before you go for a third cup
of coffee, try going to sleep and wak-
ing up an hour earlier to finish your
paper. Take a few seconds to reflect
on what your body is telling you, and
compare it to how you’ve felt in the
past. When are you more efficient?
When do you feel less stressed? When
do you feel happier about where you
are academically, socially, mentally
and physically? Maybe today it’s a
cupcake, but tomorrow it’s salad and
the gym.
— Grace Carey can be reached
at gecarey@umich.edu.
Good evening, nation
B
efore the finales of “Friends” and
“Seinfeld,” of “Lost” and “How I
Met Your Mother,” one of the biggest
endings in television his-
tory had 50 million Ameri-
cans eagerly tuned in. In
1992, ending 30 years in
the spotlight as a cultural
and comedic icon, the god-king of late night,
Johnny Carson, sat on a stool and bid his audi-
ence “a very heartfelt goodnight.” Two weeks
later, a charismatic Arkansas governor made
an appearance on “The Arsenio Hall Show,”
playing “Heartbreak Hotel” on the saxo-
phone on his way to becoming President Bill
Clinton. It’s been almost a quarter-century,
and the relationship between late-night tele-
vision and politics has never been the same.
Under Carson, “The Tonight Show” on NBC
had always been an apolitical haven. Johnny
religiously avoided inviting political figures
onto his stage, mentioning his own ideologi-
cal stances or influencing his viewers in any
way. This all changed with his successor, Jay
Leno, who regularly hosted political figures
during his tenure. At the turn of the century,
the political gaffes of the Bush administra-
tion proved low-hanging fruit for nascent pro-
grams like “The Daily Show,” “Real Time with
Bill Maher” and, later, “The Colbert Report.”
David Letterman routinely discussed politics,
especially during the Iraq War. Political satire
was in its golden age, from Tina Fey’s impres-
sion of Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live” to
President Obama’s frequent visits to late-night
programs (nine as of March 2015).
For most current undergraduate students,
the first election for which they fully under-
stood the circus that dominated news, conver-
sation and television was in 2008. For every
election since, there has been one constant —
skits, caricature, impressions and a never-end-
ing supply of mockery. Of the more than four
million viewers who loyally tuned in to “The
Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report,” Nielsen
ratings show an audience that was consistently
young and consistently male, which is a diffi-
cult-to-reach but influential demographic.
Last Tuesday marked the end to months of
flux in late-night television, a changing of the
guard. “The Late Show” on CBS has a famil-
iar face, but with a hint of uncertainty. Colbert
has broken character, but is it forever? Does
he have the same freedom for political evis-
ceration that he had on cable? Will he use it?
Stewart and Colbert left us with Wilmore and
Noah. Only Jimmy Kimmel seemed to stay in
place, and his politics remain a mystery.
In the span of a few months, the late-night
locker room has done a complete overhaul,
sporting a new roster, one that is comparative-
ly vanilla when it comes to politics. Granted,
a lot remains to be seen. But if the first three
months of Larry Wilmore’s “The Nightly
Show” is any indication, Comedy Central has
lost two all-stars for a rookie and a wildcard.
Some have exaggerated the bond between
millennial politics and television, referring
to Jon Stewart as this generation’s Walter
Cronkite, but that is a step too far. “The Daily
Show” never claimed to be a source of news or
tried to win the trust of its viewers; it simply
acted as a compass. When something notable
(or noticeably ridiculous) was going on in
the world, Stewart, Colbert and Letterman
pointed in its direction and laughed. Millen-
nials across the political spectrum could laugh
with them, or at the very least appreciate their
craft (which is not so much the case with John
Oliver’s very loud and very liberal crusade on
HBO).
So what does this mean for the nearly 80
million millennials, nearly all of whom will
be of voting age in 2016? For starters, take into
account that according to the Pew Research
Center, 50 percent of them consider them-
selves independents, compared to only 39 per-
cent of Generation X and 37 percent of Baby
Boomers. Then, add the fact that 70 percent
of millennial Facebook users read articles
posted by other users on a regular basis and 42
percent frequently post or share news stories
themselves. Now, the curveball — less than a
quarter of millennials actually vote.
If any one candidate were to motivate and
capture this huge demographic at least in part,
they would immediately be a contender for
a major party’s nomination. But this will be
difficult if late night doesn’t step up, if clips of
tirades from Stewart, Letterman and Colbert
(in character) are not being shared on the web.
We can no longer expect to see headlines like
“Watch Jon Stewart Eviscerate Fox News on
Last Night’s Daily Show.” Americans cannot
expect a political medium that a generation
has known for all their lives be deprived of its
politically charged founders with no effect.
Make no mistake, millennials will not be
able to escape the 2016 presidential buzz. Twit-
ter will be taken over by every primary debate,
candidates have invaded Snapchat and Hillary
Clinton hit the whip and the nae nae on The
Ellen DeGeneres Show just last week. Candi-
dates (and their campaign managers) are mak-
ing attempts to appeal to a young audience, but
without familiar voices discussing the issues
every night, will anyone really listen?
Entering 2016, look for the candidate who
can replicate what late-night comedians did
so well for more than a decade, exciting people
about otherwise dry, lifeless politics. Look for
the candidate who can rise above “Trumpma-
nia” and become a focal point in monologues
from Conan and Kimmel.
Of course, there is the distinct possibility
that without late night at the helm, millen-
nials twist away in the wind next year, that
a 23-percent voter turnout in 2014 becomes
20 percent or less in 2016. The much more
interesting prospect, however, is that with-
out their political compass, millennials use
every bit of their social media acumen, love
of crowdfunding and demographic weight to
shake things up and make this election year a
dogfight for their attention.
Speaking as a millennial, that option
sounds pretty good to me.
— Brett Graham can be reached
at btgraham@umich.edu.
HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN ANYTHING?
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— President Barack Obama speaking at a town hall in Des Moines,
Iowa, regarding political correctness on college campuses.
“
NOTABLE QUOTABLE
Anybody who comes to speak to you
and you disagree with, you should
have an argument with them, but you
shouldn’t silence them by saying you
can’t come because I’m too sensitive
to hear what you have to say.”