Saturdav. March 10, 1945

T HE M IC H IGA N D AILY

Page Twenty-Nine

SrIturdav..March..0.,1945 TE MICHIGAN DAILY Pnn - T ent i,n

IZO

Lila Ditwater
Gives Advice
To Writers
Young Authors Get Critical
Analysis from Big Authority
The Daily brings you a new
column by literary expert Lila
M. Ditwater. Miss Ditwater an-
swers the questions of young
writers. Below is printed some
of her recent correspondence.
Dear Miss Ditwater:
I am writing a one act play.
Napoleon enters and sings a tele-
gram to Juliet who is sitting in an
apple tree. At the same time
Lincoln reads the Gettysburg Ad-
dress. An acrobat team then en-
ters on right, and four Russian
soldiers enter on left, singing Old
Man River in Akkadian. Three
children and a St. Bernard romp
around in the middle of the stage
as the play goes into the finale
with the entire cast singing Der
Fuehrer's Face.
Do you have any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Angus Highfritz
Yes, you need more symbol-
ism. LMD.
Dear Miss Ditwater:
No one will publish my poetry.
All I get is rejection slips. Why
is this?
Below is a sample of my work.
Beer, beer
Beautiful beer .. .
Let me hear
Of beer, beer, beer,
Of beautiful, beautiful beer,
Of beautiful beer
Of beer, of beer
Of beautiful, beautiful beer.
H-lopefully,
Ann Q. Aquisis
Why don't you sleep it off and
then try writing prose? LMD.
Dear Miss Ditwater:
I am twenty years old. My
parents were killed when I was
three. I lived in an orphan asy-
lum until I was 12. Then I ran
away and six months later they
put me in a home for JDs. I left
when I was fourteen and married
a Nazi agent. I won a million dol-
lars in a horse race, but lost it
when my husband and I left in
a slight hurry for South America.
I am now working nights to sup-
port my five children. Do you
think I ought to write my auto-
biography?
Sincerely,
Anna Schultz
You could try it. It might
take your mind off your trou-
bles. LMD.
Dxar Miss Ditwatxr:
You know whxrx I can purchasx
a typxwritxr? As you can sxx, I
havx troublx with thx onx I now
havx. No onx has bxxn ablx to
rxpair it for mx, and I nxxd it
vxry much, as I can't finish my
latxst manuscript without it.
Thanking you in advancx, I rx-
main
Yours sincxrxly,
Xlizabxth Xvxrmorx
My advicx to you is kxxp it.
New you havx an xxcusx for
mistakxs in spxlling. LMD.
'M' Faggettes
Are Verboten
Due indirectly to the shortage
of cigarettes, Angell Hall smoking
room will be closed for the semes-
ter.
A student, J. Q. Martinizuetz,

who recently walked in with half
a pack of fags was mobbed and
is now in University Hospital.
"No butts about it," said Dean
Bursley. "This type of thing can-
not be allowed at Michigan. Here-
after bags with fags are requested
not to smoke on campus."

1

DRINK
TRADE-MARK REG. U. S. PAT. OFF.
The pause that refreshes

.. .4

Serve mrc O

STAY ON YOUR WAR JOB
--as or fighting men do!
The men who are fighting (and dying)
for us on far battlefields can't quit now
and start looking for post-war posi-
tions! The very least we can do is to
keep at our essential war jobs, hammer-
and-tongs, until Hitler's cruel machine
is smashed, and the Rising Sun is sunk
for keeps. Don't let our fighters down!
SeAe Americ Later

YOU'LL ENJOY IT MORE
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I'd rather flunk my Wasserman
Test,
Than read a poem by Edgar Jest!