Cntwro.March 10. 1945

THIE MICI-lGADJ IALV

Ren Nine


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filone All Night With a Wolf in the
My Most Intimnate Experiences Fr(

Ever on the lookout for new
forms of excitement and already
wearying from imbibing the tinc-
ture of greensoap which passes in
Ann Arbor as beer, your reporter,
not very long ago, spent the dawn
hours carousing about with his
pals, the black bear, the wolverine
and the wolf who inhabit the cages
located behind the museum build-
ing.
My pals from the zoo have few
human friends. Their caretaker
feeds them daily but takes no in-
terest in their intellectual inter-
ests. Having many times been
told that I have the mind of a
wolf, I feel a natural kinship to
our neglected brethren.
But to get back to our story,
it was almost dawn when I out-
fitted myself in a heavy fur
coat, slipped on my artificial
finger and toenails (purchased
at a fashionable ladies shoppe
in town), stuffed into my pock-
ets an ample supply of cigar-
ettes, a checkers game and de-
parted in the direction of the
club.
When I arrived, black bear gave
me a boost over the wicker fence
to his cage and, once inside, he
obligingly lit my cigarette. We
had no sooner started on a game,
of checkers, than the wolf poked
his nose into the game and, as
wolves do, started kibitzing. First
he admired my coat, which he
claimed -smelled just like one of
his relatives. In an effort to get
rid of him, I slipped him a cigar-
ette (which the bear again lit)
and told him to beat it. Wolf,
however, had other ideas. He in-
sisted upon calling in the wolver-
ine for a bull session. I do not
care for his bull sessions because
they always end up with risque
stories, mostly about sailors and
other wolves.
The bear and I saw the futility
of trying to continue our game
and Blackie, a name which he
does not particularly care for, put
the game away in his cubby-hole.
Taking a long drag on the
weed, Wolf began,-"Stop me
if. you have heard this one."
Having no desire of being skin-
ned alive, I did not stop him.
Blackie went off to hibernate in
a corner and the Wolverine
slunk off into another with my
fountain pen. He is writing a
treatise, I am told, entitled,
"Boorish habits of the Gopher
and the Badger," and hopes to
have it published before the next
football season. To continue,
Wolf was not discouraged by the
inattention of his fellows and
-holding my ear in his jaws, he
began to tell me his story.
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Frboretum;aDr. Ruthven
E Revealed Gives Union
rGood Old Tea
roared to my conversationalists.
They needed little urging, for President and Mrs. Alexander
Blackie is not exactly a dandelion Ruthven yesterday afternoon at
when it comes to using force. He four o'clock tendered the Union
took the checkers set out of his Executive Council with an "old
cubby-hole and we resumed our English style" tea, at the Presi-
game on the floor of his cage. dent's Residence on South Uni-
"How about a cig?" he asked, versity.
as I triple-jumped him. I game "The members of the Executive
him one, took one myself, and as Council" said Mrs. Ruthven to-
enthusiastically as ever he grab- day "behaved like perfect gentle-
bed for his matches and lit both. men, and the affair was carried
The game soon ended. out in the most genteel manner
"Guess we're even up in our possible. The only unfortunate
series," I said. "Lucky dog," he occurrence of the afternoon was
answered. "Gosh, it's nearly when Thomas Bliska : had .to be
time for breakfast. You better carried out, after Henry Mantho
get out of here before the care- . showed him (with illustrations),
taker finds you. He'll give me what he would have done to Les-
hell for allowing a visitor in lie Horvath in the Ohio State
here. You can read the sign as , game."
well as I: 'no visitors allowed in- All reports that the tea consist-
side cages'," ed of two parts gin, three parts
vermouth, two parts scotch, a
I took up my checkers set, jigger of rum, lemon, mint, and
cleaned up the cigarette butts, got crushed ice, were discovered to be
a boost from Blackie over the absolutely false by your reporter.
fence, and departed homeward, After extensive inquiry, your re-
"So long, Blackie," I said, "had porter found out with the utmost
a grand time." certainty, that there-was definite-
"Come again," he said, "been a ly no crushed ice in the presi-
pleasure having you." dential concoction.

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LIFE IN THE ARBORETUM
ready heard this story. It was in for the use of my pen, and join-
the Daily Official Bulletin last ed in the talk. Joined is under-
week." estimating the amount of gusto
"Ah yes," he persisted, "but this he showed for the bull session,
is a first hand account. You don't for in no time at all he domi-
want to pass up a first hand ac- nated it.
count with all the details."
"Wolf," said I, "of course I don't "I tell you, Art," he said, "the
want to miss all the details, but more I think and write about
after all I can't re-tell this story less I think of their intellectual
to any of my pals over at the capacity. As a matter of fact," he
paper. Michigan is an institution continued, "they're about as dull a
of learning and all my pals are bunch as most of the students that
interested in intellectual things. pass by every day. Of course, for
How about waxing a bit philo- physical attractiveness, I might
sophical. If I want to hear risque give them the inside edge on some
stories, I can go up to the pool- of those dormitory girls."
room or to the student offices at
the Union. I come here for intelli- "Wait a minute" I interrupted.
gent discussion." "What's the matter with those
I think this got him. Any wolf dormitory girls? They look all
right to me."
will listen if you inflate his ego - "That's just it," he said. And
enough. "All right," he said, "but nodding his head he explained,
you should have heard those sail- "the trouble with you men is that
ors howl. They topped me when you only really see the girls when
I'm at my best and that's going they're dolled up on week-ends or
something." From his corner, when they are all primed for clas-
Blackie grunted in assent. ses. I see them as they really are,

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Disinctive Topcoats

Th1-e otner nignt, hne said, "a
couple of sailors and their girls So we began an intellectual
were passing by here and.. ." discussion. The wolverine came
"Wait a second," I said, "I al- out of his corner, thanked me

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RENEW YOUR PLEASANT
MEMORIES OF \/-BALL
at the
'14,
SLWDE RULE
B~ALL
to be presented soon by the
MICHIGAN TECHNIC

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scurrying to classes with books
under one arm, applying lipstick
and combing their hair with the
other. When they pass me here,"
he said, "they look a sight! Frank-
ly, I don't see how you can stand
them,'
I told our critical friend that
most of the men are used to the
coeds and reassured him that, in
our eyes, they are tolerable.
"Well every man to his taste,"
he rejoined, "but even Wolf dis-
dains from howling at them in
the morning."
"Enough of this sordid topic,"
Blackie boomed from his corner.
"You guys get out of my cage, he
KEEP A-HEAD
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