Saturday, February 15, 1941

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Page Fifteen

Saturday, February 1 5, 1941 THE MICHIGAN DAILY Paae Fifteen

MICHIGAN DAILY
J-HOP STAFF The Reply
CO-EDITORS Churlish
PAUL CHANDLER, GERALD BURNS By TOUCHSTONE
Others who appeared while work was
going on: William Baker, Will Sapp, Al
Blaustein. Chester Bradley, Bud Dober, This is the way you go to a J-Hop.
Alvin Dann, Emile Gole, Colonel Maul lee, th saeobrvyISala-
Dave LachenbEuch,GTouchstone,HJean, For the sake at brevity I shall as-
Shapero and Shirley Wallace. sume that you can dance, to a cer-
Contributors from the women's staff tain extent, and also that you are
were: Frances Aaronson, Frances Mendel-
son, Dolly Haas, Grace Miller, Rhoda Le- a sociable creature who likes to go
shine, Jean Crump, Doris Cuthbert and to J-Hops. If you are not a sociable
Jan Hiatt.
J A Proof eadecreature, you will be in Detroit like
A r ofr eaders 1I am as you read this, and that will

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THERE'S AN OLD SAYING, com-
ing from a man, to the effect
that four out of five coeds are beau-
tiful and the fifth one comes to
Michigan. Perhaps you have heard

"aroara j enswomd
Wm. A. MacLeod
Co-Business Managers
John Rookus, Dan Huyett
Local Advertising
Ed Perlberg; Ted Tarbell (Asst.)
Service
Jim Daniel; Dave McKinney (Asst.)
Classified
Dave McCalmont; Ken Warren (Asst.)
National Advertising
Howard Wallach; Bob Flott (Asst.)
Circulation
Fred Ginsberg; Walt Cattle (Asst.)
Publications
John Grandy; Dick Briggs (Asst.)
Promotion
Roger Berg; Harry Wasson (Asst.)
Accounts
Karl Scharff
Women's Co-Business Managers
Rosabeth Lebster, Phyl Lovejoy
Women's Advertising Managers
Margaret Sanford, Lou Carpenter,
Margaret Ann Hadsell

be another story, unwritten herein
also for the sake of brevity and other
reasons.
You have a girl, or you know a
girl, or there was a girl up at the
lake last summer, and during the
course of a moonlit evening, or after
the fifteenth dry Martini at the Book
Casino you mention tentatively, un-
der your breath that there will prob-
ably be a J-Hop at school this year.
The girl says "why I should be de-
lighted," and tells you what train she
will arrive on. There is another be-
ginning to this story, which involves
certain hot shots who blythely buy
a ticket before asking The Girl, and
then do not receive the assent RSVP
of The Girl, and you can see the
complications arising out of that,
culminating when Somebody's Kid
Kousin arrives still in braces, and
the hot shot calculates during a
brief moment of awful truth just
how much scotch he might have pur-
chased for the inordinately high sum

it.


Dan Cu id" of seven dollars plus expenses. He will
.u'a I.probably buy the scotch anyhow.
Speaks His Piece .... You will then announce loudly, as
if to reassure your inner man, that
BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS you are trotting a queen toJ-Hop,
Valentine's Day will have already and the boys will say Who? or
been past, the last kiss will have beeniWhasethasayte.Ferew
snatched, your red crepe paper will inoa chanceyoung lady,atthe Felloiw
tha veryutgronny iusefulnesyandit is best to remain silent, or else
that very funny comic cartoon yousasipyYulsefoacrdn
sent to the prof in the pipe course say simply"You'll see," for accarding
that wasn't won't raise even a
chuckle anymore. Yes, it'll be past nounce the name and measurements
(sob), and then will come that awful of the filly and she be known, her
feeling of nothingness. That awful identity will be closely followed by
feeling will come sure as anything. another, more incredulous and gasp-
We'll make book on it. ing "Who?" and loud laughter, ac-
And why will you be feeling bad? companied by diverse remarks de-
Hah ! That's easy to answer. You'll signed to sully her chaste character.
be feeling sad because you've gone If she be unknown, you are more
through a whole Valentine's Day fortunate, for it is then possible to
without accomplishing one'solid state solemnly, Suzanne De Glutz,
thing. There, it's out, we've told and add the all important words,
you, and you ought to be ashamed.'her father is the Third National
For Valentine's Day is something Bank." This is known as Creating a
big in our lives. It ranks second only Stir-
to groundhog day in importance, in Having created your stir, you are
our affection, in significance and in faced next with the problem of get-
all-round good old brotherhood of ting a ticket. This because you are
man. very very seldom a bona fide member
The name is familiar to all Amer- of the junior class, often leads to ex-
icans. Why, there is such an impor- tremes of subterfuge and dissimula-
tant personage as the head-man of tion (two of my favorite words) un-
all the New York City bulls-Com- equalled even among the diplomats of
missioner Valentine. And then, who between-war Europe. You find a
hasn't heard of Jimmie Valentine? pledge or junior member of the coop-
Yes, just name somebody who hasn't. erative or just a kid in the rooming
"Alias Jimmie Valentine" is our fa- house, and talk to him, using honeyed
vorite movie, next, that is, to Miss words, telling him how boring the
Elaine Barrie's "How to Undress in whole thing will be, and explaining
Front of Your Husband," a work of that you are going only because duty
art which we have seen seven times. demands it, and it is your last (sec-
We never seem to tire of it. Well, ond, first, graduate) year in school
we like "Alias Jimmie Valentine" and you have never been to a J-Hop,
best, next to that. and if you are good enough you get
his application, but if you are not
ND TO GO ON with the tamaus good enough you wait for a scalper
connotations of Valentine's Day. to advertise that he has a single tick-
We read the other day that Jan Val- et which he is willing to part with
tin who wrote this book about Soviet at a loss of only five dollars over
Russia took his name from the word the list price, and groaning and vow-
"Valentine" . So you see, if you had ing to wreak dire revenge on him ere
any spunk and real patriotism about he be gone from this pleasant spot
you, you'd see red every time Valen- forever, you pay, no, make that read,
tine's Day came around, and you'd
remember how lucky you are to beyPAY.
living here in this country where you Now it is important to note that
can cheat on an exam and not be a J-Hop does not mean just a dance,
nabbed by any OGPU or Gestapo or even as this year two dances. J-Hop
agents. means we are all going to try to act
But no, you haven't done a thing like we are Harvard boys or Cornell
solid on Valentine's Day, and you'll or Dartmouth Winter Carnivalites,
be sorry. See if you aren't. There or something else of the sort that
were so many things you could have usually appears in the party section
done too. You could have telephoned of Life Magazine. So there must be
your folks, like the ads say. You other plans made. There must be a
could have bought some tums or fine dinner, at some spot where none
mum or rum or gum. You could of us have ever been before, and
have sent away for some cheap writ- there must be drinking, not of mere
ing courses that use the Newspaper beer, nor of near beer, though there
Copy Desk Method (like we did). are those who can be satisfied by
You could have read a newspaper, such. No, it must be cocktails, or at
You could have written a letter to the very least highballs. If you are
your girl, the other one. Or you fortunate enought to have a car, or
could have called up that campus can afford a taxi and what is more
date who was good enough for the find one on that night of all nights,
rest of the year, but who didn't rate you attend the festivities at some
J-Hop. out-of-town drinking spot, where
There were so many useful things you will be charged double prices
you could have done this Valentine's for half-drinks because you are col-
Day. But you didn't do them, and leg students and they've all got plen-
there's nothing to do about it. ty of the long green, and at said spot
- Daniel Cupid you will sit and pretend to make a

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Time has failed to prove the
fallacy of this adage, though it
has undergone a seige of fire from
the lipstick lassies that would make
Hitler's heart warm.
THIS J-HOP EDITION has been
trying to carry that philosophy
to its logical end. Valentine's Day
is here, and some of the editors de-
cided it was time to give the male
his due. No more pampering to la
damozel.
It's to be a rag, a bone, and a hank
of hair; not sugar and spice and
everything nice. So, with serious-
ness of purpose and fervence of
spirit we dedicate this issue to the
glorification of the Michigan man.
But it's hard, with so damn
many engineers wandering around
to spoil the illusion!
lot of noise and be painfully gay,
and watch others who seem really to
be in the spirit of the thing, but who
actually are watching you wishing
they could be half as gay as you are.
It is a hundred to one shot that
somebodyin your party will(1) drink
too much and have to be escorted
to the Men's Ladies (choose one)
room, or (2) somebody will have a
flat tire when he gets out to the car,
or (3) there will be an accident on
a hairpin curve, or (4) persons un-
known will have walked out wearing
the new formal overcoat you argued
your family into buying just before
the time needed, and you will leave
your name at the roadhouse just in
case the person unknown merely made
a mistake, and six months later the
checkroom girl will call you up and
you will go out there and she will
show you a burlap sack picked up
outside and say is this it? and you
will say nao-or perhaps yes if you
need a burlap sack. On the other
hand if you do not have a car, and
cannot (you will not, let me assure
you) find a taxi, you will go en masse
to one of the local coke and juke-
box shops and sit in a back booth and
mix set-ups with cheap whiskey you
have bought along the way, and
things will get very hilarious, with
results one through three as listed
already (two and three to be taken
figuratively, not literally).
The whole thing should not run
you more than about twenty-five
bucks, if you are careful and do not
start lighting cigars with ten dollar
bills in the spirit of good clean boyish
fun. And look what you get for it. For
a month afterward you will not date,
nor indeed see any more of the fair
sex than is absolutely necessary, That
should save you a certain amount,
depending upon how much you ord-
inarily date. And what is more, if she
is any kind of a girl at all, you will
have been allowed breathlessly and
earnestly, to kiss her goodnight on
Friday night, on Saturday night, once
just before dinner when the rest of
the mob has gone in to the table al-
ready Sunday, and perhaps if she
loves you, at the train when she
leaves. Maybe she will take your fra-
ternity pin, if you are a good boy.
If she does not get around much,
she may send you her picture, which
you can put in your room along with
the other pictures, and it is fairly
likely she will make certain over-
tures within the year concerning the
next J-Hop, but you will know better
than that-oh ha ha ha won't you
though. Eventually you will marry the
girl or some other girl, and all this
nonsense will be over, and in retro-
,pect it will all look like a lot of fun.
Those of you who derive any more
pleasure of the Big Event of the
Social Season will be either naughty
or smooth and in either case you
could have as much fun any other
weekend of the year. I hope you all

have just oodles and oodles of fun,
kids. Nay, I am sure you will. So
long until soon.

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Give Your Clothes Budget a Break!
Purchase those extra items for your wardrobe
at PRE-SEASON PRICES!
Suits 24.50 - 29.50 Shirts 1.65 - 1.95
Topcoats 16.75 - 21.75 Smart Hats 3.95
KUOHN'S CLOTHES SHOP
122 EAsT LIBERTY - On the Corner Next to the P-Bell
Greetings
i-Hoppers
Here's hoping that you have a grand time this week-end.
Make our store your headquarters.
A WOMAN NEVER FORGETS THE MAN WHO REMEMBERS
Don't forget a VALENTINE Box of Candy
Whitman's - Gilbert's . . . 25c to $5.00
"HEARTS OF HYACINTH"
'1.25 y p WI
Visit Our Cosmetic Department
Complete Stocks - Trained Cosmeticians
For Lunch or Supper
Ours is the best and tastiest food in town!
HOME-MADE PIES- HOME-MADE ICE CREAM
Try Our FROSTED MALTEDS for a Special Treat.

Keep A Picture Record
Let us tell you what film to use and how to be sure of get-
ting good pictures. Eastman Kodaks and Supplies
Everything in Cameras-Motion Picture Equipment.
Cine-Films - Roll Films - Packs and Plates
Again Greetings and hoping we may have the
opportunity of serving you.
CALKINS-4 uFLTCHER
e bruq .Siore
324 South State 818 South State