Page Twenty

T HE M IC H IG AN D A ILY

Saturday, February 5 14

PaeTwnyTH IHIA AIYS ,udy ,erar 5 14

Eastern Girls Meet Western
Men; Ask Kipling For Details
"I don't trust girls that come from
the East,"' he said, as he avidly guz- It turned out to be with a girl from
zled his coke. the East-from the Bronx."
There was a weary look in his Much, Much Gravity
eye as he sat there, a look that said For awhile he could say nothing. I
he just had to tell his story to any sensed the gravity of the occasion,
fellow human being, or to a reporter. and ordered him another coke. I had

Ain't
'l.

He Cute?

:.
>,
.'

. '

He told it all, too-how he had
lived his life of ease and innocence
for 18 years, before he came to Mich-
igan, back in civilization-in Kan-
sas. He came from a small town, 50
people. The town is called Welborn.
"I guess I didn't know much about
life," he confided. "And when I
came to Michigan, I was sure due for
a rude awakening." He signalled the
waiter for another coke. You could
see that he had been leading a life
of dissipation like this.
Such A Sad Story
It's such a sad story, he sobbed. For
as soon as I arrived in town, I came
in contact with an Eastern girl . .
but then I'll tell it all. The first
time-I was sitting in here at the
counter when one of the creatures
entered. She sat down, surveyed the
assembled multitude with a contem-
elious glance, and nasaled to the
waiter, "I say, old fella, will you bring
me a ham sandwich and a cup of tea?"
He was groping hard for his words.
"Can you imagine that!" he gasped,
"a cup of tea!"
"Why I just sat there drinking my
glass of milk like my mother told
me I should and wondered ..."
He told roe other tales, too, of his
encounters with those "persons with
that furtive look which I now in-
stinctively associate with Easteners."
And then, his head resting in his
hands, and in a sort of unnaturally
calm voice-the voice of a dead man
-he revealed the worst of all.
"A house mother-bless her little
heart-arranged a blind date for me.

a fudge sundae.
Finally he explained. "You see, I
have simple tastes-we from Kan-
sas all have simple tastes. I didn't
expect to spend much money on this
date-on any date. A movie maybe-
20 cents downtown, and a nickel
bag of popcorn on the way home. And
we could be home by ten, which is
plenty late enough to be out. Why,
back in Welborn if you're out after
nine o'clock curfew, it's a terrible
scandal."
But, he went on, this young lady
was different. "Phew! Dance at the
Union. Twelve beers-and my glass
of milk-at a place downtown." Ed-
itor's note: The business staff will
not allow the name of this well-
known institution to be given.)
He fainted, and I threw the coke
in his face. He revived.j
And The Arboretum!
"Then," he stammered, "she want-
ed to go to some place called the
Arboretum. I didn't like the name of
the place, but we went . . . and I've
regreted it ever since."
With a last determined burst of
strength he blurted it out. "Why.
I've never had to strike a woman
before in my life-but I had to strike
that fresh thing four times before
the evening was over!"
With a last feeble gasp he fell off
the seat. As the waiter tossed him
into the alley, I heard him say: "Too
many cokes. Dead drunk."
But I muttered to myself: "Too
many Eastern women. Dead."

DAILY1
TROUBLE
by
Donnie W.
THE DOUBLE always feels kind
and generous and somewhat am-
orous on Valentine's Day. He usually
sends heart-shaped cards with pretty
messages and stuff on them to all
his friends.
When he had to plank down seven
dollars for a J-Hop ducat this time
the Double figured that maybe he
could save the price of a few stamps
by printing his happy thoughts in
the paper. Here they are:
TO THE LASSIES:
Oh lucky lassie, be proud be proud.
Throw out your chest and sing
aloud
Remember this, oh fortunate fem
They are supreme, these Michigan
men.
TO THE LADS:
The ordinary guy can dance, sing
and frolic all night.
He's slap-happy, daffy and usually
half-tight.
Sure, the athlete is tough and can
knock you dead,
But when nine o'clock bongs, he's
off to bed.
TO THOMAS DUDLEY . . .
Ole Ace Harmon's known far and
wide-
For the way he takes the stars in
stride.
But when he's home on J-Hop
ground
To Wyoming Margot, he's tightly
bound.
- "EGGS" SHELLEY

' . p

'5;

W
t r.

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