lw Page Twelve

T HE MIC H IGA N DA ILY

Monday, February 9, 1

Page welv THEMICHIAN DILY ond,. --bua-y9-,

'IKE'

INAUGURATEI

Flunky's Job ,
Now Filled
Up with Bull
AN ADMIRER
"Just call me flunkie," the new
henchman in the Office of Stu-.
dent Paroles, Bull Boorman chor-
tled in an under-the-table inter-
view yesterday.
Boorman, a heavy-set (90 lbs.)
ex-con who used to play ball with
Murder Inc., likes his job which
involves "doing the administra-
tion's dirty work."
It's the sort of stuff I've been
doing ever since I wuz a kid,"
the former goon squad leader
added as he whirled in his
swivel chair.'
Boorman's day begins at 2 p.m.
with a visit to Health Service for
the day's death totals. "Italways
makes me a little sad to see all
that draft bait go," he sobbed.
AFTER THE Health Service Da iesJeLt
trip Boorman arranges transpor-
tation for students who have
flunked out and cleans the Ad- L ow B lof d }i n
ministration Bldg. toilets. l f
He then returns to his twelve
room suite in the Sour Hotel ' t istics
where he attends parties with C
different sororities every night.
"My most important job, how-
ever, is to handle the problems of This is an epitaph. -
fraternity men," Boorman said. The University, which for years
"To do this I try to keep them has dropped leaflets over East
stocked with Quad meal tickets. Lansing, Smith and Vassar ad-
Boorman also issues a daily vertising the huge male-female
Fraternity Fly with maps of the ratio here, is caught with its ratio
current sfe drinking spots on way down.
campus. The present 1:1 man-woman
"This is sent to all fraternity ratio stands in ghastly contrast to
men and Is responsible for their the 99.44:1 ratio women enjoyed
declining scholastic averages," he in the University's post-war hey-
added triumphantly. day when enrollment soared a bit
When asked to name his biggest to 2 billion. According to an
thrill since he took on his new infamous University historian,
job, Bull whispered without hesi- however, this situation did little
tation-"The Union Opera-boy, tormake campus women 99.44%
did I get smashed." pure.
E tr BTHOUGH Friday's enrollment
reports had given women a whop-
ping advantage (3333.1417 men to
T o IBloomners 3333.1416 women) the picture was
adulterated by a dramatic move
by Susan B. Anthony XII at 2
Typographical errors will no a.m. Saturday,
longer appear in The Daily, City
Editor Barnes Connable said in a According to a janitor's report,
major policy decision last night. Miss Anthony whipped intoart
"And from here on in. absolutely WarbyGmath uar-
no names will be spelled wrong," dy hour whooping "Dan, damn,
Barnacle added. damn to Michigamu" and sign-
Constable pointe ddout that ed up for a few unearthly cours-
"Our goal is to make this paper es.
RED and to develop the manure Reports from Denmark this
minds of the prudent body. morning indicated that Christine
The Waily will also have no wis flying in to mess up the situa-
mistaken dates, he said, hurriedly- tion even more.
tearinghisl492calendarfromthe- «
wall. UNTIL HE-SHE-IT does how-
"Gluub ableep uggg borrk," he ever, the equally-mixed campus
corncluded, refuting vissh'ious offered an equally-mixed reaction
rumers that thhe linothpyers wer to the man-woman stalemate.
insan. Confrnted with the 1:1 ratio,
"Theiyre raelye drunk," Comi- Dean of Women Deborah Ham-
cal explained. hock chuckled "This I Believe."

s *

(Editor's Note: The following re-
port of the inauguration festivities kansas and the territories-
was withheld tillnew-fro security ka, Hawaii, the Virgin Isla
reasons. The Daily observers, cracked swarming into Washington foi
correspondents with our Washington
Bureau, somehow got caught up in first Republican inauguratio
the parade, were carried alung into 24 years-(1929, 1930, 1931,
a white House cabinet session, and so on).
were appointed by a grinning, toothy Short, tall, fat, thin, bald, z
chap to recreational jobs with the fmlyug lRpbi
Depants Department, Steeling char- fmlyug lRpbi
acter has precipitated quick promo- in a never ending kaleidoscog
Lion; dear old Botcher is now an as- color-brown, yellow, green,
sistant secretary. Sweet little "Ulpie" ange, grey, black, red, white
is contributing to the security of dis- blue-they strolled the tree-]
turbed government officials.
(hickory, elm, oak, maple, spi
By BOTCHER KYES and pine, Hopper's beech, che
OVETA ULP! WACKY streets (First St., Second
WASHINGTON - Inauguration Third St., A St., B St., C
Eve-Planes, trains, buses, cars, Connecticut Avenue, Dela'
taxi cabs, horses (steamers, freigh- Avenue, Pennsylvania Ave
ters, ferries, row boats) brought and others.)
figuratively thousands of people Despite this mass exodus
from all the 48 states -Maine, the 48 states (see above) Ann
New Hampshire, Vermont, Massa- bor fraternities, sororities and
chusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Is- Idence halls reported they w
land, New York, Pennsylvania, continue to serve meals.
New Jersey, Maryland, Delaware,
Virginia, West Virginia, North DryrOt's 'Ensian
Carolina, South Carolina; also
Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Louis- Cops Fluke Priz
iana, Mississippi, Tennessee, Ken-
tucky, Ohio, Indiana.
The list continued with: Wis- The Michiganensian, winne
cousin, Minnesota, Montana, Illi- 69 prizes and gold medal aw
nois, Iowa, North Dakota, South at 96 world fairs, for proving
Dakota, Idaho, Missouri, Mon- it was later than most pg
tana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, thought, has won another.
Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Ne- Informed that his rag-paper
braska, Colorado, Utah, Califor- had copped another fluke, 'Ho
nia, Oregon, Washington, Wyom- plagiarist Bob Dryrot was so
ing; prised that he could only say,
a a e sure and get your subscriptio
THE LIST concluded with: Ar- The Daily."

Q LISTING LEFTISTS - These
two Daily-liners held fast to
their bias despite nearly a week
of submersion in darkest Re-
publicanism. Then, even they
succumbed; when they finish up
their cabinet jobs both plan to
sell their memoirs to the SEP,
and go into the nepotism busi-
ness in Ann Arbor.

A


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Sunday until Midnight
ENTERTAINING NEEDS
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