Page Eight

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Monday, February 9, 195

_SET TO SWING REGENTS
By BEN ZIHN over the modern structure, the gram to assure the future safe
Terror stricken University Re- + >s Board has suspended all further of the University.
gents rushed plans today for a meetings for the duration of the Stooging for the committe
five year watch-and-ward vigil emergency, turning over its auth Handy Scratcher f or mer
over Haven Hall, following a dis- ority to a student-faculty-admin- President of the University
covery by University legal advisors istration committee. cockily outlined his ambition
that all eight Board members will group's plans; they include:
be hanged if the structure burns MEANWHILE, adding to the 1-Turning all available U
down again. Regents' bundle of woe, from versity legal counsel over to t
The impending threat to the Southern Michigan Prison came task of securing quick parole
Board was unearthed in a fine- word yesterday that Safety firebug Norbert.
print proviso of the 1951 Univer- Matches" Norbert, convicted of 2-Periodic aerial spraying
sity legislative appropriations act touching off the original Haven Haven Ball with kerosene.
and reads as follows Hall, had somehow obtained ph 3-Erection of eight sturdy g
tographs of the new one, lows in front of the General
"Whereas, the Legislature, in Prison officials, alarmed by brary.
sublime generosity, has seen fit fiendish laughter from Norbert's 4-Conversion of the Univers
to wring from the flesh of the cell, warn that he has been por- into a mammoth House of Ill
good folk of this state funds ing over the photos for weeks, pute.
sufficient unto the construction inking in entry points and com- "With a little cooperation fr
of a new Haven Hall, and where- bustible materials. Norbert," Scratcher chortled a'
as, the ancient edifice formerly .;"" i Norbert is due for parole some- ably, "we should manage q
known by that name was con- N B T time this year, well."
sumed in conflagration under NORBERThe Regents said they w
the very noses of the Board of .. bided his time THE REGENTS -however are mystified at this turn of eve
Regents, then be i known that * * ' keeping cool. Their spokesman,
the necks of those very same fire during the ensuing five Boscoe Beanofsteel, shrieked at
noses shall be forfeit should the years." reporters yesterday that "w-we're MAR ROFoMI
new structure suffer mishap by Mounting round-the-clock guard t-t-taking ever-ry pre-pre-pre- BEANOFSTeiL
caution!". collected his thoughts
G4o~ 1" ~O ds1 GOZS O 00%i'O~t1 IOO"@ 1001520 They are, too. Beginning to- dentfaculty-administration com-
day a new handbook of regula- mittee has not been idle. In the
tions governing conduct near ef nh e
the prized building was issued; ref interval ssnc e the crisss be-
M U~l''''''''''''''''' gan, the commsttee has countered
U E H LIG&LAN P H EA R among its key points are: with its own four-pronged pro-
1-Sealing off all heating con-
dusts leading to Haven Hall. All
Hard are - PaZnts-- Furnaces classrooms are to be fur-lined in- 64 a.
stead.
2-Installation of thermostat
SH EET METAL WORK controlled rainmaking equipment
on the roof.
3-Prohibition of all petting or
HOUSE FURNISHINGS a love-life of any sort in the struc-
ture or its environs for 50 yards For the
around.
Support the March of Dimes! 4-No smoking (to be enforced
by the ROTC, equipped with water
pistols.)
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