Page Two;

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

M~onday, Februaryv9,.1953'

Page Two THE MICHIGAN DAILY Monday, February 9, 1953

THIS ]CONCEIVE:
Bunding DamCe
Overcome by IT
EDITOR'S NOTE: In conjunction with the lettuce series 'This I Conceive"
The Daily is propositioning statements of pre-natal experience from promi-
nent members of the University Rhythm Group.
Diane Spiritual is a prominent members of the University Ryhthm
Group and president of Sortabored, senior women's bundling society.
By DIANE SPIRITUAL
In our world of foregone pasts and coming futures, looking for
something tangible to conceive-to grasp that which is firm and
strong and pulsating, to fill the aching void, we are again turning
to It.
In answer to those who point to strife, suffering, starvation hos-
tilities, pain, want, fear, despair, cowardice, ugliness and downright
bad manners which permeate the earth, one need only enumerate
the joys and raptures of a glowing sunset painting the deep blue sea
with daring strokes of blushing pink and globs of golden sunbeams;
of endless fields of feathery wheat stalks, undulating lazily in a cool,
heaven-sent breeze; healthy, happy, chortling, bronzed babies, drool-
ing rich, beige pablum on their snowy, white bibs,
The list concludes with: the grace and precision of a nerve-
taut athlete braced for flight, poised for the attack or the defense,
girded for the battle; charity, hope, patience, wisdom, knowledge,
money, sex.
I appreciate it, not just in a mechanical way but more perhaps
in ways which are obvious at the moment only to me. I am numbed
in It's rhythmic splendor and in man's creative strength. I begin my"
week with It in the sanctity of my room and hold It in my day to
day activity in every way throughout the week. I have never met an
individual from whom I could not learn something and I must admit,
I've been told I'm pretty good.
Yed, it is in conception that one may truly conceive.

AN AMERICAN'S
REWARD: DEATH
By SAM O'BITUARY
Herr Slander Von Zollander is
dead.
The free world was shocked and
electrified at 6:53 a.m. today to
learn the tall, lanky anti-Com-
munist crusader died quietly in
his summer home on E. William
St.
Cause of death was called
heart failure by Coroner Edward
G. Ramshorn. However, local
palice were investigating pos-
sible faul play. An eight-inch '
knife was found buried in the
small of Von Zollander's large .
back. The accompanying note
read: "I hate you."
Detective Sgt. Clawed Bowles
told reporters if evidence of mur-
der turned up, he was sure the
motive had already been discov-

ered. As newsmen scratched their
bald heads, Bowles winked know-
ingly at the crumpled piece of
paper.
FUNERAL vicsor the hard-
bstathing journalist will not be
hR!d There are no survivors.
Vun Zollander, who first dis-
tinguished himself in the On-

Coming soon..
The Student Players' production
of Philip Barry's
eP hiladelphia Story
"A gay and sagacious comedy"-N. Y. Times
February 18, 19, 20, 21 . .. 8:00 P.M.
Tickets 75c and 1'.00
Box Office opens Feb. 16
Lydia Mendelssohn Theater

I

ion Opera "Don' the Do," was
best known for his recent series
of articles which laid bare col-
lege Bolsheviks.
His exposes were hailed by Sen.
Joseph R. Bergen (Dinosaur-Wis.)
as "one of the most solidly docu-
mented pieces of Americanism I
have ever ... "o
Sen. Charles Plotter (GM-
Mich.) had cited Von Zollander on
the floor of the Senate as "a
truly great American ... the kind
of man who makes us ... want
. .. to keep on . .. living."
LAST PERSON to see Von Zol-
lander alive was Valerie Slurp,
Grad., self-styled parlor pink and
cloud-kisser, who allegedly had a

I
t
L


7he IKujic Center* 14
I of


THE LATE HERE VON ZOLLANDER
The great patriot at his desk, taking information
from a minor mistress, Madame Ana Pauker.
lemon roke with the deceased at Berra and Marilyn Monroe in his
2:36 a.m. today, spacious bedroom.
None of the other occupants of Von Zollander came to the
the Von Zollander residence saw University geveral years ago,
the Irish-born snooper this morn- friends say. University officials
ing. A local economist, Edvai d report his name was kept off
Slaffer, claimed he heard a pierc- enrollment records for security
ing scream from Von's living quar- reasons. He left the Party sev-
ters aty6:53a.m. but continued on eral hours before his series be-
his way,
* * * gan.
DISCOVERY of the body was President Scratcher received the
executed by Omar Kadiddle, well- news of Von Zollander's demise
known yellow traveler, who called with mixed emotions early this
police immediately after his morning. "In a way it's good," he
achievement. laughed, and then with a slight
Although Kadiddle's finger- catch in his throat continued,
prints were on the knife, he "but in a way it's bad."
claimed he was trying to ex- * * *
tract the instrument from the DAILY MANAGING Editor Mer-
dying man but couldn't because win Dung and City Editor Tubby
of a huge, sickle-shaped barb. Cannibal echoed the president's
Kadiddle said he went into the sentiments in unison: "Be was a
house to borrow some butter. He beastly thing, but we hate Cbm-
was released after questioning. munists."
Slander Von Zollander was born Meanwhile, in Washington, a
on Christmas- Day, 1931. His White House spokesman revealed
friends at The Daily referred to that Von Zollander was scheduled
him as "Jesus Christ" or just to appear before Congressional
plain "J. C'. . Red-hunters as star witness but
AFTER A stretch in the reform- pressure from the AMA scratched
atory for pre-mature birth, he his name from the roster.
started work as a newsboy at the The high source said the AMA
age of five. and the nation's chief executivd,
He joined the Communist Par- who refused to be identified, were
ty's youth movement three years worried about Von Zollander's per-
later and was active in the Honest sonat health. Police immediately
Abe Brigade during the Spanish wired the president this morning
Revolting. He had a large bust of that there was little future cause
Abe next to those of Lenin, Yogi for worry.
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