Page Ten

T HE MC H IGA N D A ILY

Monday, February 11',. 191

.gTnH MC G N rMdyFruary., 1.., 19.


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Opera oses
Legs; Goes
On Anyway
Tryouts Will Be Held
Throughout the Week
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Warning! This
Is a half-way serious story.)
An outbreak of leg thefts has
caused local police to suspect a
new way for students to satisfy
their sex drives.
Some time during registraiton
three huge posters, decorated with
nearly life-size leg art, were stolen
from Waterman Gymnasium. Of-
ficials of the University Crime
Service are sure that the legs
"couldn't have just walked away.",
The posters had been placed in
the gymnasium to remind students
that this year's Union Opera,
"Never Too Late," will hold tryouts
from Ito 5 p.m. Tuesday through
Friday in Rm. 3G of the Union.
UNION OPERA general chair-
man Feeling Lost, '58, issued a
timely reminder to all men on
campus as he bemoaned the loss
of his three precious legs.
"It's never too late to catch the
culprit who snitched our posters
and find out what beautiful coed
owns those legs, just like it's nev-
er too late to try out for this year's
Opera-until next Friday," he
said.
Lost promised overnight fame to
anyone who can answer any or all
of these questions:
"Do guys whistle at your legs
as you tramp down the Quad
corridor to the shower? When
you sing, does it come out fal-
setto? Do you twitch automa-
tically when your hearamusic?
Are yoo an extrovert? An in-
trovert? A man?"
According to Lost, anyone with
any of these attributes is a po-
tential Union Opera star, and
should show up next week for a
tryout before Director Fred Evans
and his committee of judges.
WHILE LOST was sobbing con-
vulsively in his Union cafeteria
milk shake, an investigation was
launched by the Opera Executive
committee and the Ann Arbor po-
lice to discover the leg-snitching
culprit.
One Committee member sug-
geste dthat the thief might have
been a Men's Glee Club member,
working off a frustration complex
after returning from an unsuc-
cessful tour between semesters.
Although the Opera executives
were deeply saddened by the loss
of their legs, they still hoped for
a bright future. Mark Background,
'52 (Part Time), Promotions Chair-
man, promised that there will be
plenty of legs for all when the
Opera invades the Michigan Thea-
tre March 26, 27 and 28.
Background added, "If nobody
shows up for tryouts, we'll extend
the deadline to next June."

Tragedy
By ELI CAPUCHIN
For many years, inaugurations
have been a big thing at Michigan.
They have assumed, in fact, the
proportions of a tradition. The
dear, colorful thing began nearly
a hundred fifty years ago, and
just recently ended.
One day in June, 1817, a young
Potawatomie named Alf walked
briskly up State Street. Arriving
at the corner of North University,
he spun on his heel, faced the
rising sun, and blew three cere-
monial gusts of smoke in the di-
rection of Hill Auditorium.
At this precise juncture, a port-
ly gentleman with a red cloak and
yellow spats was approaching, and
received the three gusts of smoke
full in the face. "Phooo" he said,
with emotion. "What can be ail-
ing that savage?"
BEFORE HE had time to draw
his small Derringer, however, Alf
had run him through with the
sharp en dof the ceremonial pipe,
appropriated the Derringer, the
scarlet cloak, and the yellow spats,
and had proceeded on his brisk
walk toward his mud hut at the
foot of Depot Street.
Alf had not walked more than
a few steps, however, when he
heard a loud noise behind him.
Turning calmly-it is an old
Potawatomie h a b i t, turning
calmly-he espied a large light
blue hayrake drawn by four
Percherons thundering around
the corner. On top of the hay-
rake in a careful row, sat the
solemn regents of the University.
In a trice, Alf was cornered,
bound with velvet cords, and dec-
orated with bay leaves.
"You, sir," said a regent in a
sepulchral tone, "have been chosen
president of the University of
Michigan. Kindly say a few
words."
Overcome with turpitude, Alf
blubbered out as much as he could
remember of the Potawatomie Bi-
ble, than ran hell-bent for his mud
hut. It was forty years before the
regents had occasion to pick a
new president.
BY THIS TIME, the University
had g r o w n considerably. It
sprawled carelessly over two hun-
dred square feet of good black Ann
Arbor loam, and was on the brink
of instituting a department of
forestry in order to clear away the
trees.
Of the three students enrolled,
one was a diletante Magyar who
had attended the Sorbonne, be-
come thoroughly Frenchified,
and resembled nothing so much
as a large polyp. He had regis-
tered under the nom de nom
Emile Extase.
Extase, who majored in classi-
cal archeology, was digging in an
old Indian mound at the foot of
Depot Street one day in June
1857, when he found a pair of
mouldering yellow spats and a red
cloak. While in Paris, he had
gathered a taste for medieval
dress, so he promptly donned the
spats and cloak, and strutted
proudly up to campus.

Carried to Glad End


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DEXTER FIREMEN CLEAN UP DEBRIS AFTER HISTORIC CANOPY CAVES IN ON HISTORIC
PROCESSION.

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This time, the light blue hayrake
tore up four hundred feet of cob-
blestones before coming to a
thunderous halt. Before Extase
could get "Sacre bleu" past his
Hungarian accent, he was wrapped
in a clean towel and dropped into
the living room of the president's
residence.
Outside, eight solemn, top-hat-
ted regents drove off in the direc-
tion of Ypsilanti, quietly chanting
an Agnus Dei and sprinkling rose
petals on the road.
Suddenly, it was 1951. The
regents were riding again. Into
town they thundered, the hay-
rake making great furrows in
the macadam. Solemnly, one by
one, they turned their eyes up-
ward to the inscription on the
facade of Angell Hall. It glowed
with happiness.
A frightening rumble began far
underground. One hundred fifty
thousand scholars stopped dead in
their tracks. There was a blinding
flash of light, the Administration
Building crumbled into dust, and
a huge oak tree rose out of the
wreckage. A portly gentleman in
yellow spats and a scarlet cloak
stood in the topmost branches, in
one hand a smoking Derringer, in
the other-an Ohio State pennant.
"A mere formality," he said,
tearing the cloak and spats into
shreds. "I should like to be presi-
dent of this institution." Forth-
with he was, is now, and ever shall
be, Amen.

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