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THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Page Seven

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RY FOR DE-EMPHASIS MAY LEAD TO THE END OF ALL THIS
nvetigtion of Buxom
eauty u ens gins
By GIMMY NICHOLS
Special to The Daily
WASHINGTON-Subsidization of buxom beauty con-
st winners at Rives Junction, Mich., football school was
arged yesterday by a key witness in hearings before the
guson Pigskin Committee.
Elsie "Miss X" Boredom, a 1937 graduate of Pisano
:ate Farm, testified she entered PSF on a scholarship granted
r "exceptional measurements
low and beyond the call of nor- vert the committee from probing
lcy" PSF's alleged activities, Hamma
told Figuson in the Senate cloak-
MISS X, who nervously sipped room, "I'll give you free rein on
canned milk throughout the this, Omar, if you don't take it"
yen-hour proceedings, cuffed Fi.uson told The Daily in a
iF head foreman Jon "Greasy bar last night that "thesh ud-
e" Manna for "monetary en- br pasht haeedn' rskin d-a
ement of both bovine and hu. der pashturs needin' rakin' far
emen ofbot boineandhu- mre thin dear of' PESHEF."
an females to attend the institu- Miss Boredo' tes EF.
n for publicity and other pur- Miss Boredom's testimony fo-
ses." lowed a frantic, week-long, farm-
to-farm search to locate the piv-
Pressed by Sen. Omar Figuson otal witness. Her closest friend,
S, Hdlu) for explanation of Minnie the Hootcher, had told
he "other purposes," Miss Bore- Washington newsmen, "What El-
om yawned and whispered rasp- sie's got to say has got to be good."
y into the microphone, "A * * *
sotball team travels on its FOLLOWING the heralded ap-
lomach." pearance of Miss X on the stand,
Later in the day, Hamma, who a shy, slender housewife, identified
e all the way from Rives to as "Miss Gridiron," told the com-
swer the accusations, told re- mittee, "If it wasn't fer my schol-
rters, "This is a lot of bull. I arship, I'd never got a eddication."
ient Elsie's horning in on affairs The pert blonde, clad in a pnk
college. She ought to mend her mink coat, said she was approach-
n fences first." ed by a PSF scout shortly after
* * * winning the Miss Mermaid award
[N AN APPARENT move to di- at an aquarium in Muncie, Ind.
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By BERYL FRISKEY, JR.
An insidious ring of agents from a mid-state agricultural college has completely un-
dermined the entire Intra-mural athletic program here and caused a ringing cry for deem
phasis of non-varsity sports.
The ring, headed by IM Czar Beryl Friskey, has been planted in the IM building for
several years supposedly directing a program of physical education but their actual purpose, it
became known last week was to nurture prospective athletes for their green and white clad
favorites.
THIS was the reason that IM'
sports have become such an im- alma mater brought him to Ann done completely at Friskey's ex-
portant factor in campus life. Arbor, where his knowledge of pense, the athletes dropped out
THIS is the reason that Spartan folk dancing, gained at the com- of the University and applied to
athletic teams have increased their mune, got him a job with the the agricultural school.
dominance over the Wolverines in Women's Association. His switch
recent years. to the other sex's athletic plant Admission is relatively easy.
was quick though veiled. He It is expected that Friskey and
THE AWESOME plot was bared immediately began to seek out his staff will be demoted and pos-
when Sid Simished, a lanky pole potentially good athletes; who sibly dropped from the faculty.
vaulter f r o m Twin Lavaliers, had not showed an interest in To minimize the effect of the quiet
Minn., became despondent over his varsity competition. His pecuni- and inactivity of the building,
athletic progress. His faulty vi- ary offers brought him success University officials decided to have
sion had consistently caused him and scores of athletes were a dance there this past weekend.
to miss the cup with his pole, and schooled in Spartan system, Michigan State must shoulder full
often foupd himself on his back in within the shadows of Ferry responsibility for the Michigan J-
the sawdust extracting long splint- Field. After a year of this work, Hop.
ers of bamboo or aluminum. This
was painful.
Sid's despondency and newly
revived interest in the Univ'cc-
sity, due to a buxom coed named
Molly from Toledo, caused him
to report the whole mess to the , i
athletic board. Friskey was im-
mediately summoned and when
confronted with the evidence,

His story was a mixture of loy-
alty to the alma mater that taught
him to make his fortune repairing
part number 45637 of the Inter-
state Harvester tractor FF No. 6,
and of sabotage to a school that
symbolized victory of the intellect
over brute force such as his own.
AFTER GRADUATION, and a
six months apprenticeship at an
Iowa farm commune Briskey was
admitted to the 4-H Club. From
here the step to prominence was
short. Beryl was on the inside
and' nothing could stop him, well
at least so long as no one else knew
as much about part number 45637.
Beryl's new interest in the

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