Mohday, February 11; 1952 T HE MIC H IGA N D A ILY cage Three THATCHER IN UTh By NEWBOLD MORRIS and ROBERT ALPHONSO TAFT Congressional bloodhounds let out the loudest yelp to date in their investigations of pinkish Midwestern University yesterday after hearing Midwestern's gibbering President Har- ly Thatcher admit that his estranged wife and brother-in-law had bilked his institution out of $6 billion in real estate fees by cornering all the property for the school's "cherchez campus." "Yelp," the House Un-Midwestern Activities Commit- tee yelped. "Help," screamed President Thatcher as the bloo'd- hounds tore at his vitals. r T t I I _1 FENDING OFF committee mem- bers with a mangled arm, Thatch- er, a splintered tent-pole of a man, blubbered the whole story of the grisly land grab which is now cost- ing Midwest citizens more than 4 B-29 bombers, 3 cases of heroin, and an ermine lap-robe. HARLY THATCHER .. a bit of trouble The ex-Mrs. Thatcher, now plain Jane Strudelmacher Gut- enbesser, sat idly by, with her brother and alleged co-co Rspira- tor Alger Bloggins Twickenham, whistling cash-register notes, at the sight of her ex-husband's discomfiture. The tale, encompassing heart- break and travail worthy of Beau- mont and Fletcher, rambled from the selection of the site, chosen for its inability to stand up under a foundation to th,e falling out of the Thatcher couple over who would name the next emeritus professor. The freshman Presi- dent objected when his wife plumped for Pogo Possum, con- tending t h a t the Okefenokee Swamp's leading citizen merited no more than a spot on the GOP ticket for University Regent. THEN, TWICKENHAM gave tes- timony on how he, informed by his miffed sister of Thatcher's in- tended "cherchez campus" site, had brought up the property right out from under the former vice- president of the Ohio Gang. But the proceedings came to a temporary halt when, Twicken- ham, now rolling his trousers past his 'thigh, was felled by a tackle from Senator Joseph Me- Harpie, traveling with the com- mittee's road show. "I knew it when he started peel- ing," McHarpie rumbled. "The guy's a State Department pink." HAVING established Twicken- ham's guilt, the committee turned to the hapless Thatcher, whose chief accuser was Louie Schmoo- dense, a patriot. Schmoodenze told how he knew Thatcher in his student days at Hardly Normal. "Even then he had that shifty trick of looking you straight in the eye. And his 'Russian Lea- ther' after-shave lotion smelled like Russian leather." While the ex-Mrs. Hatcher, new- ly be-minked, strode out the door with a strong Midwestern stride counting money to the tune of the "Star Spangled Banner," I' I READ AND USE DAILY CLASSIFIEDS * Watch Wild's During 1952 LOU SCHMOODENZE . ,. a bit of noise II CORRECTION Many people think that Ulrich's Book Store carries only ENGI- NEERING books... Ulrich's carry a very huge stock of USED and NEW BOOKS for every course on the Michigan Campus! TTY New styles first for men SWILD'S C Stat. Street on the Campus