Monday, February 7, 1945

Pooe Twenty

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Pf eTwey y T E MCHI AN D ILYMondy, ebrary ,_1.._

ROLLING STONES
... by Harold Jackson
Tough Nut
EACH YEAR WHEN J-HOP time rolls
around, we get a considerable chuckle
out of assorted party banter about how
"Elsie and Me is gonna sneak into J-
Hop."
All sorts of fabulous schemes from
climbing down the IM chimney to rid-
ing into the hall in the orchestra lead-
er's bull fiddle case are all brought lpp
for discussion, laughed over, and then
dropped.
Even as late as J-Hop night when the
mob is waiting to be funneled through
the rathole door, there occurs to many
a temptation to push right past that
smiling ticket taker.
But we wonder how many of the dan-
cers-be they varsity fullbacks or feath-
erweights-would even toy with prospec-
tive ways to storm J-Hop if they knew
that the big affable ticket taker was ac-
tually a captain of police in plain clothes.
Unnoticed
ASIDE FROM THE COP on the door,
how many other little known stories
could be written about a J-Hop? Prob-
ably 3,000 a year-one for every couple
-except that most pass unnoticed.
However, it'll be a long time before
we forget the warmth and pleasure
added" to the J-Hop in 1947 by this
momentary flash of how much the
dance could mean:
Gay conversation and friendly push-
ing, couples edging up the long staircase,
crisp black tuxedos, colorful evening
gowns, eager faces-all blended into a
moving sea of antIcipatiou.
But the press of people around him
only made him glad. His friendly face
mirrored the excitement in his brain, and
the girl beside him looked happy too.
In fact her smile was so warm and
magnetic that scarcely anyone noticed
the tight grip her fingers kept on his left
elbow.
At the top of the stairs, music greet-
ed them. He hesitated for a minute,
then smiled again and firmly took her
hand.
And she watched with shining and ad-
miring eyes as her blind young man led
her eagerly through the archway into
one of the most unforgettable of college
dances.
Parting Shot
LEAPING BACK to the subject of cops
- in 1914 the Washtenaw sheriff
cooked up a swell blackmail scheme:
He wrote the parents of many Uni-
versity students offering to give them
a "full report on your son's various
activities here in Ann Arbor."
Whether or not he got any takers isn't
known, but think how popular he would-
n't be today.
And that story comes from an unim-
peachable source, a J-Hop Daily-which
everyone knows is a pillar of truth in any
age.
A Tall Tale

THINK that I shall never see
A date who's quite as tall as me,
A date whose cheek will lightly rest
Upon my forehead, not my chest.
But opposites attract they say
So midget dates must come my way.
Despite my search, I've yet to see
A man who'll stoop to conquer me.
And always at each evening's end
I bend.
POEMS are made by fools like me
While shorter girls make men
six-three.
Joyless Killmore.

-. d you can ~~~t'orrouaeta ei al ak n
has eeppiering yes
StdnsAie

AGAIN UNIVERSITY officials have
failed to see the light-even when
their eye-lashes were tweaked.
They have refused to carry forward
the liberal advancements now being
made in education by scholars who have
been wide awake enough to see the
advantage of all-night classes. Under
News Digest
INTERNATIONAL
United Nations.. .
Carpenters were preparing new doors
for Andrei Vishinsky to walk out of this
week, as the Security Council met to
discuss the admission of Brooklyn to the
United Nations.
East is East . . .
The Arab Legions of Abdullah rose in
Communist revolt this week, following
the marriage of Aly Khan to film actress
Rita Hayworth. At weeks end, in Marx-
ist fashion, they called on the Khan to
share the wealth.
NATIONAL
The Presidency :
Rumors that the ghost of Tom Pender-
gast was handling the seven million dol-
lar contract for repair of the White House
were flatly denied by Harry S. Truman
thi week.
LOCAL
Fantasia . . .
Deans Lloyd and Walter surprised
guests by dancing a Rhumba, smoking
cartons of cigarette samples, drinking
Seagrams and quietly announcing their
retirement.
Boy Scouts-...
The nation's Boy Scouts marked their
beginning of a new era on their 39th an-
niversary by pledging themselves to two
good turns a day instead of the tradi-
tional one. In Moscow, high Politburo
officials denounced the pledge, saying
that the scouts were "innocent tools of
the bourgeois capitalists."
VTFW...
The local Veterans of Future Wars
chapter sent a night letter to Congress
demanding $30 at 30 instead of the $60
at 60 that the lawmakers are now offer-
ing. "Give us the dough while we can
still enjoy it," they pleaded._

the new set-up, classes are scheduled
from 10 p. m. to 4 a. m. and closing
hours for women are from 10 a.m.
(when most of them are still asleep
anyway) until 6 p.m.
You don't hav'e to get up early in the
morning to see the advantages:
1. Complete Daylight Saving-not one
precious ray of sunlight wo d be wasted
on classes.
2. Coeds, who are now limited to the
first evening show during the week, could
condition themselves to their studies with
before-class trips to the cinema.
3.. Students in classes where they
'couldn't see the light' would not be
lonely.
Of course, some grinds will stay up
all day studying.
However, the dusk to dawn (yawn)
schedule has already been adopted by
liberal-fascist ALLWET College.
And so you student masses-you sons
of ill-gotten gain, I say to you:-
ARISE!-at 10 p. m.
-Al McWilson.
I'd Ratier Be President:
Definitions
By TOM DEWEY (Daily Alumnus)
-HOP DATEr-A combination of high
financing and long range planning
resulting in three beers and seven.hours
with the wrong kind of women.
Collective Security-A double date.
Cold War-That part of the evening
when a date lights acigarette five min-
utes before the dorm closes.
International Relations-A date which
begins at the International Center and
progresses to the Arboretum.
Stood Up-That stage at which a fra-
ternity man argues he will become inde-
pendent.
Crisis-That point at which all pre-
liminary maneuvers have been completed
and an overt act on either side will
touch off a large scale offensive."
Protective Alliance--A double date.
Trusteeship-Letting your buddy take
your girl friend to the J-Hop.
Pseudo-Liberal-A Progressive with his
loyalty checked.
War Surplus-A woman whose supply
is greater than her demand..
Witch-Hunt-An attempt for a last
minute date.
Socal ecurty-A double date.

ette
TO THE EDITOR
Intellectuality
To the Editor:
AM A transfer student from the United
States Institute of Literary Engineers
and I shood very much like to rekomend
the adoption of the methods of this noted
school by the University of Mishagun's
engineering depa.rtmnt.
I sincirly hope that the university will
tak note and do sunthing about the hor-
able sitchuation here. I persunaly plan
to teech those engineers with hoom i
cum in contact what I no about litericy.
-Lce Knockwood
Can't Work
To the Editor:
O UR UNIVERSITY has taken several
steps in the right direction by pro-
hibiting drinking and coeducational par-
ties without chaperones in our dorms and
houses. But can't something be done
about the excessive necking that goes on
around the coed dorms just before closing
time. This has a deleterious effect on
my studies.
-Sigmund Freud
Our Public
To the Editor:
THINK the editorial page of the Mich-
igan Daily is great.
-Dn Bumro n
Lonely
To the Editor:
ALTHOUGH you have no love-lorn col-
umn in your paper, I am so love-lomn
that I simply had to write. As a transfer
student from Purdue, I know I am at-
tractive to Michigan men, but I guess
they don't know that I am here. This is
formal notification that I am. I am a
pretty little thing-nAne feet, four inches
tall, 582 pounds, three eyes, soft, smooth
scales-I simply can't understand why
no one ever asks me out. I just love
Michigan men. My telephone number is
2-2591. Ask for Cuddles.
-Marian Ittelaussp
Scope
To The Editor:
TEE UNIVERSITY curriculum is in-
complete: Why, since there are cours-
es in Public Relations, Family Relations
and International Relations, doesn't the
Sociology or Psychology department give
a course in Illicit. Some of us coeds are
confused as to what this field entails.
-Ina Id Coed.
iitv-Afinth Year
Edited and managed by students ofthe
University of Mchigan under the authority
of the Board i ntro i of Student Publi-
cations.
Editorial Staff
Editor .......:......... Harold Jakson
Photography Edtor............. Aleic Lmanin
Art-Wk........muWSnlth,. John oneS
Assistan andontribu ra -Allega Pasqul-
etti, Audrey Buttery, Barrett Friedman,
Naomi Stern, Al Blumrosen, Fed winters,

Fran Isick, Don McNel,MHarry Reed,Free
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Parker, Janet watts, Bud Aronson, John
Davies, Paul Brent inger, Lilias Wagner
Jo Hisner, Mary'Stein.
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