Page Four

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Saturday, February 9, 1935

Pae or H MCIGNDAL Strd , Ferur 9193

The Staff Of The J-Hop Extra
P i
" Mrrto orrmo'1.5 y +omma ..,s. .E.

New Cars for Taxi Service
Terrace Garden P
nDancing Studio
Instructions i n al 9695 CAB
BARTON KANE forms. Classical. social,
By BATN AEdancir-g. Ph. 9695.hate CAMPUS CABS
Wuert Thetre ldg. 24-HOUR SERVICE

Managing Editor.
City Editor.
Editorial Director
J-Hop Issue Editor

WILLIAM G. FERRIS
JOHN HEALEY
RALPH G. COULTER
THOMAS H. KLEENE

ASSISTANTS: Robert B. Brown, Clinton B. Con-
ger, John J. Flaherty, Richard G. Hershey, Elsie
Pierce, Bernard Weissman, Guy M. Whipple,
Jr., Jewel Wuerfel.

Business Manager

RUSSELL B. READ

J-Hop Issue Business Manager
DAVID J. WINKWORTH
J-Hop Publication Manager ...George Atherton
J-Hop Service Manager Bernard J. Rosenthal
J-Hop Advertising Managers.
John Ogden, Cameron Hall, Joe Rothbard
ASSISTANTS: William Jackson, William Barndt,
Ted Wohlgemuth, Lyman Bittman, John Park,
F. Allen Upson, Willis Tomlinson, Homer La-
throp, Tom Clarke, Gordon Cohn, Merrell Jor-
dan, Stanley Joffe, Richard E. Chaddock.
A Memorial To
Campus Canines ...
M INGLED ENCOMIUM and discounten-
ance constituted our reaction to Pro-
fessor Goddard's reccnt proposal to substitute the
names of former presidents of the University for North,
East, and South University, Forest and Church Streets.
Meritorious indeed is any suggestion to abolish the
malicious, insidious, and infernal arrangement which
(as Professor Goddard ably pointed out) permits a
street that any unbiased and duress-free moron would
call South University to be designated as East Uni-
versity and vice versa. Over-satiated is our appetite
for seeing frantic and frenzied. freshmen fluttering
from campus extremity to c.. in a wild search for a
starting-off place, their scurrying punctuated by covert
glances at wrinkled maps and diagrams. No longer
should we allow our college life to be prostituted to
such subordinate aims as learning streets backwards.
Rather should we strive to have culture culled and
curried from our curricula! All hail ! ! Let higher
education come into its own ! ! ! And that isn't all!
Fruitless and bootless is the onus that this system im-
poses upon the student's undergraduate career, already
plagued with such items as class elections, Hell week,
womanly wiles and whimsicalities, and honor points.
But at this juncture in the proposal we call a halt.
"Halt!" We feel constrained to inveigh against, toss
contumely at, and editorially expectorate upon, the
suggestion that the name-stripped streets be baptized
in honor of past presidents of the University. Ever-
constructive in criticism, however, we are ready with
an alternative plan. We suggest that the new names
should not be those of former University dignitaries,
but rather should be Moonshine Rum Avenue, Com-
mander Road, and Clippy Street, in perpetual com-
memoration of our noble campus canines.
"But wherein," you inquire with natural and right-
eous curiosity, "lies the difference between a prexy and
a pup?"
Although we usually look editorially askance at
catch questions, we bend before the momentousness
of the matter and reply with trenchant satire, flooring
facetiousness, and incontrovertable logic, "Who have
afforded us constant opportunity to exploit the last
vestige of our Latin education, 'semper fidelis'? Dawgs!
Who have marched mutely with miserable Michigan
men to countless soporific lectures? Dawgs ! ! ! Who
have gone unsung and unheralded throughout the
years, have led a dawg's life? Dawgs ! ! !
And in a crescendo of confidence and courage of con-
victions we clamorously chorus, dawgs, dawgs, Dawgs,
DAWGS! ! ! !
Among other things, we would also like to advocate
public trash baskets for student government plans, ad-
vantageously-placed beer fountains during the summer
session, a live-wire press agent for the Ann Arbor Police
Department, and various other stuff.

B ECAUSE THESE COLUMNS are usually opened
with a note of romance, we feel we should point
out the engagement of Tant and Jewett, Hop leaders
of two years ago. The next grand march they lead will
be down the aisle. How about it, Litchfield?
Exactly one year ago George Ranney was
cited as having received five (5) E's in the se-
mester exams. Nothing daunted, he returned
this past fall for a fresh start. His latest record
shows him as "honorably discharged without
credit or record."
AND THE BATTLE of the century will take place
when Wee Willie McFate, 'Ensian editor, catches
up with Hop Head Litchfield. Willie wanted passes to
get his photographers in the hop - Eddie demurred -
but Bud Rea, who's the real boss, intervened and saved
the future of the 1935 'Ensian. McFate is far from
soothed though, and threatens muscle measures.
Those who infest the Parrot from dawn to
dark have been concocting schemes to "get"
Committeeman Dixon, of Union fame. The
most widely praised plan is a can of Flit.
RIGHTFULLY, only two co-eds responded to the
recent call for a blind date for tonight, which ap-
peared in Collegiate Observer of The Daily some time
ago. Quite a contrast to last year, when 67 answers
to a similar request were received. We'd be glad to hear
more from "Pat."
We fully expect to see Ralph (Emily Post)
Thomas playing bridge while the rest of the
J-Hoppers go dancin' with Anson, or rassle
with Kassel. The aforementioned member of
our University also flicks the pasteboards to
the tune of the Pretzel Bell.
THE DON HUTTON captured the strangest grade
in the mental purge through which we have just
passed. His final in political science was C minus minus
minus.
Unofficial reports credit, or discredit, Sorosis
Julie Kane with a collection of grades second
to none. She had three I's and one X by Wed-
nesday. Barton Kane denies relationship.
ONLY BECAUSE no column ever appears without the
name of Peg (Slave) Cowie, we include her here.
She hasn't been seen of late, so write your own story
thus: Peg was seen at .......... saying to .
that it was just too ......... and then she .
It seemed as if .............. according to observers.
Owen (Bring-em-back-alive) Crumpacker
pulled the smoothest stunt of the examination
period, by dropping a course on Friday in
which he had 30,000 words to write. The exam
was the next day.
NOR DOES Phi Psi sport Too Too Devine fail to stay
in the limelight in spite of all the competition.
He now has all sizes and types of Phi Psi pins, four of
them, located at the Forest Plaza.
Do you remember Mary Edna Travis, of
beer-throwing fame, who left our portals last
year? Billie Anderson called her long distance
for a J-Hop date, and was refused. Next day he
received an announcement of her engagement
through the post. Now what could have
prompted that?
KNOWING Al Plummer as we do, we have advised
the Hop attendants to throw a special guard
around the door so he will not be able to ride his horse
through the door.
All of which leads us to the subject of Russel
(No Can) Read, most versatile of the cutter-
riding set. In one evening Russ tried to re-route
traffic, under his own plan, on State Street, lost
a tooth, and found a very dark eye.
ANOTHER strange thing about tonight's (or was it
last night's) ball, is that only two committee mem-
bers are escorting partners from their home towns.
Sometimes silence is the better part of valor.
A muscle-brained inebriate at the Pretzel Bell
was loudly looking for Dekes to tear apart.
Bud Mewborn, the only representative present,
was conspicuously inconspicuous.

NEVER have we been more certain that there is an
insane element on our campus. Several men stu-
dents report receiving home-drawn likenesses of the
viola tricolor (consult your botanist), followed by
telephonic threats against their health.
Psychology Dr. Adams, noted for his caustic
comments, recently described an experiment
by women students at Iowa. He concluded,
scorning the results, "I don't know which could
be worse - women students, or Iowa."
EVERYTHING must end, even this, so we'll send you
home now. May the 99 per cent of you who have
violated the J-Hop rules not be apprehended.

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Dressing
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ERIC