Saturday, February 10, 1940
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
Jayhopmania Puts Skids On Filibusters
terer almost swallowed his tongue as gress gives the nation what it wants, "We live very well, thank you, Senator Payne retreated rapidly
G olden Silence the Speaker raised his gavel, brought there is no justice for one man, one when we do our work well. The peoplefrom Jayhopmania. It left a dark
it down with a bang and announced, court or one Congress to get in the give us whatever they think we merit,brown taste in his mouth. The dark
R e la e S lv r"The Senate is naw in session." ' way."ev
Replaces Silver re darne gh i ealists," sneered Senator Payne and we live quite well, quite well." brown taste was not chocolate.
said Senator Payne. "I haven't been "fuzzy-brained idealists."
T ong ue O rator filibustering all these hours to keep Smiling with condescension, a few
my voice in practice." Jayhopmaniacs led him aside and be-
There were more raised eyebrows gan to explain a few simple rules of f ^
Senator Payne Is Foiled Again than at that coming out party when the new world he had entered. "What
In Effort To Deprive Babies the debutante's strapless gown need- is your national policy?" snapped 4
ed straps. the Senator. "Some New Deal, I sup-
Of Needed Medical Facilities "Do I understand you, sir?" asked pose."\ono
the Speaker. "There are no filibus- "Not at all," was the answer. "We I- 'P'
By MIR BIST DU SCHOEN ters in Jayhopmania." practice pork-barreling in reverse.
Senator Joe Payne did not know "Jayhopmania?" inquired the Sen- That is, each Senator tries to per-
how long he had talked in his sleep, ator. "If this is another subterfugey suade his constituents to give as much
but when he woke up he had a feeling plot foisted on me by those scurvy as they can for the national good.
that all had been changed. There Uprightists . . ." We believe that if the nation is in
was the Senate chamber, solemnly "There is no more need of subter- good shape, the states must benefit."
echoing the words of his filibuster, fuge in Jayhopmania," the Speaker "And I suppose you have solved
but it did not seem the same. The said gravely, "than there is of fili- log-rolling as easily," the Senator
empty desks stood around in atten- busters. You seem misinformed, my said derisively.
tive rows, with their roller tops friend. After all, what is the func- "Oh, we specialize in log-rolling.
agape at the audacity of his words. tion of a filibuster but to check some Everybody agrees to what everybody
But he knew that somewhere during bit of legislation that everyone else else wants, and since we all want
his recitation of the Constitution a desires?" the same things, the result is very
change had come. "Exactly," agreed the Senator. satisfactory."
His sleep had refreshed him. He "But then the law should be enact- "But how do you live? How do you
went into a vicious tirade against the ed if everyone else wants it, is that support your family? How can your MA nIL ORDERS
Uprightist faction; his words so not true? It is very simple. If Con- daughter be a debutante?" We handle all details
dripped with vitriol that the world and guarantee delivery.
must shiver in wrath with him against
the iniquities of the Uprightists. They 1_-__ ____ENESARAZEN_._.
had tried to enact a bill that would
provide doctors for sick babies, and BUY THE ONE AND
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STATE and LIBERTY
Senator Payne, determined to pro-
tect the interest of his constituents,
had launched his fightingest filibus-
ter in protest. Statistics had shown
that his constituency had fewer sick
babies than any other. His region
would not receive a due return from
the tax money it had contributed.
And so he filibustered. "There is
no reason to presume," he declared,
"that the country should play nurse-
maid to a flock of sick babies . . .
the dignity of our great nation . . .
for which great men . . . Washing-
ton ... . Lincoln . . . the immortal
doughboys . . . have fought and
died . . . would be . . . irreparably
impaired . . . affront to state's
rights . . . cannot be tolerated."
He was surprised and elated to see
the Congressmen returning. They
filed in and took their seats-no doubt
drawn by the magic of his oratory.
They chatted among themselves and
nodded toward him with quizzical
expressions on their faces. Their
shrugging shoulders seemed to ex-
press wonder at the silver flow of his
The vice-president came in and took
his place. He seemed to disregard
Senator Payne entirely. The filibus-
A Complete Line
on short notice
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