Saturday, February 11, 1939
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
PnA Five
SatudayFebuary11,1939THE ICHGAN AIL
W
v GA Prehistoric Melodrama
Java ~o es To The J-FIoP .. By Eugene O'Petersen
Pithecanthropus
Jones Has His
Big Night
Gala Event Of Neolithic Age, Or
Is It Oligocene? - Anyway It's
Plenty Prehistoric
I..
(The scene is a cave. Mr. and Mrs.
Neanderthal Mann are seen seated on
neighboring stalagmites. It is a blus-
tery winter day, and a roaring fire is
going in the entrance to the Mann men-
age to discourage visitors and other ani-
mals. The Mann's daughter, Java, re-
clines drooling on an igneous couch,
gnawing lifelessly on a beef bone. A
peculiar drumming noise is heard off-
stage, at which Java sits up all atten-
tion, listens for a moment, then-springs
to her feet with a delicate howl).
Java-Eeyowippee!
perking up! (He grabs the beef bone
she has been gnawing and grinds off a
little gristle).
Mrs. Mann-What is it, Java? (She
NOW
TYRONE POWER
in
'JesseJames'
Matinees Saturday
2 - 3:50 p.m,
Starts Sunday -
ROBERT TAYLOR
WALLACE BERRY
"Stand Up and
Fight"
Prehistoric J-Flopper
Y
JAVA MANN
Mr. Mann-Well, Java seems to be
tries to seize the bone from Mr. Mann,
but he biffs her on the beezer and she
beats a bloody retreat).
Java-Didn't you hear the Inter-Cave
Communication Co. Just then? That
was Pithecanthropus Jones out in the
Ice Age. He just invited me to the J-
Flop. Papa, you'll have to go out and
kill a dinosaur because I simply can't
wear this old lizard skin to that! (Java,
with a lightning grab of her paw, seizes
the beef bone, clunks papa softly on the
coca with it and gambols lightly to the
far end of the cave, singing "The Oli-
gocene Rag," while papa sulkily picks
up his club and stalks out to get his poor
daughter a skin.
II.
(The scene now shifts to the Ice Age
and we see the interior of a cave on the
walls of which are scratched peculiar
triangular designs. Stone jugs litter
the floor and a hairy mass in one cor-
ner, scratching itself with a saber tooth
stirs and mutters to another lump of
hair).
Pithecanthropus Jones - Well, ya
wanna sell me that ticket to the J-
Flop?
His Roomy-Gotta date?
Pithecanthropus Jones-Yeah, name
of Java Mann. Lives in Advanced Ice
Age. Gonna cost me plenty of flints to
bring her here.
Roomy--Give ya my ticket for 10
flints.
(Pithecanthropus Jones gets up, en-
raged at that offer, takes his sabre tooth
and jams it into his roomy's neck. He
picks up the ex-roomy, throws him out
the door of the cave, then rummages
around on the floor where the roomy
had been lying. He picks up a flat
piece of rock with numerals scratched
on it, kisses it, and tucks it into his skin
-the one he's wearing, that is. Mean-
while savage growls sound outside the
cave indicating that the monsters from
the Forest of the Deans are gorging on
the ex-roomy's carcass. Pithecanthro-
pus Jones smiles sardonically, sinks to
the floor and gazes dreamily into the
inner reaches of the cave mumbling,
"Java, my little sugar and cream," un-
til he falls into a drooling sleep, his head
pillowed on a mouldy dinosaur carcass).
M.
(The scene now changes to the night
of the great event. Pithecanthropus
Jones is shown standing uncomfortably
against the wall of a particularly mouldy
cave. Over his head hangs a tattered
wine and blue banner inscribed with
tarnished hieroglyphics, indicating that
this is the Pi Beta Phi cave. Standing
around the wall are several females, all
wearing old lizard skins and looking
longingly at Pithecanthropus Jones.
These are the members of Pi Beta Phi.
None of them are going to the J-Flop.
After a long interval during which the
girls look from Pithecanthropus Jones
to one another and grit their saber
teeth in mortification, Java, a cousin
of one of the members, comes out from
the far recesses of the cave. The light
from the fire reflects becomingly from
her polished teeth which sweep grace-
fully from her upper lip down over her
chest. She is wearing a dinosaur skin
which one can tell is new because several
of Mr. Mann's fingers can be seen in
the teeth of the head which forms a
"
charming bustle. She is wearing a de-
lightful wimple of behemoth skin which
is entwined in her hair and dangles en-
ticingly over her eyes. She flashes her
teeth at Pithecanthropus Jones who
comes over to join her. As they leave
the cave, several of the girls who have
been standing against the wall, reach
out to tear at Java's new skin and to
scratch her old skin, screaming and
jabbering in rage, but Pithecanthropus
Of
"CORSETS"
the Finest !
Remember
p0op
8 NICKELS ARCADE
swings around lustily with a juicy beef
bone which he brought for Java to wear
in her hair, despite the current ruling,
and the happy pair lumber off to the
J-Flop).
rV.
(A giant, high-vaulted cave, from
which the stalagmites have been re-
moved is the scene of the final act. We
see Pithecanthropus Jones and Java
Mann entering the cave which is murk-
ily lighted by numerous fires, whose
smoke contributes to the air of mystic
enchantment which hangs over the
cave.
Pithecanthropus Jones stands open-
mouthed, gazing at the gay scene and
the couples who jiggle around the cen-
ter of the floor, stepping on one anoth-
er's feet, jabbing each other in the ribs
with their elbows and occasionally de-
livering thwacking blows to each others'
skulls with the ever-present clubs. On
either side of the cave small groups of
men pound tom-toms and yowl un-
musically, yet their efforts pass un-
noticed in the clamor on the floor.
Java surreptitiously eyes the dresses
of the other girls, among whom the new
creations of dinosaur, brontosaurus, tri-
cerotops, skunk and landladies' skins
predominate. Pithencanthropus Jones
comes out of his daze long enough to re-
mark as follows):
Pithencanthropus Jones: Jees, swell,
huh?
(Continued on Page 6)
"Forget
About
the
''"as British-
Let's
Go to
FLAUTZ Cafe
If a man wants to get up in the
middle of the night and go
horseback riding, that's his
business - but we fancy that
Paul Revere would have spent
his time to better advantage
enjoying a delicious, satisfy-
ing meal here. So many peo-
ple like our food!
For instance:
BEEF TENDERLOIN
with Mushrooms
65c
Closed Every Monday
Btted
BEER au & INE
Flautz Cafe
122 West Washington
Corner Ashley
Hours 11 A.M. - 12 P.M.
.Lunch 1-4 p.m.. . Dinner 4-9
FFI~___________ III
P6 LLL
ALL
J-HOP PICTURES
by
ROBERT L. GACH CO.
(The Arcade Camera Shop)
14 Nickels Arcade, Phone 9028
Plans are under way for our new Portrait Studio. Watch
for announcement of this additional service by "Bob" Gach.