Ca Cn P k....nr, i1 7 1 4 5
T LJ C AA I I (-- i/'AA I n AI I \/
Dn- 4Z C o
-iauraayUr-eouoryi z-, 7325 I cIr 1 1-ri1k3jHIAN vr -rrg ee
I
The Story Of The 1907 Depression
And How It Was Solved .........By Waldemar Liptmannn
Times Were Pretty Bad Then, Too;
Ash The Man Who Owed Some
There was no Joy in America. Even see women. Automatically clasping
Faith and Hope had fled to Europe. her to his bosom, he spoke first: "My
Charity, not very resourceful, began name is Joe Zilch." Then he drank in
at home. All the mills and factories more of her beauty. It was intoxicat-
in the United States were closed ing and much cheaper than Four
down. The streets were filled with Roses.
people going hungry in the streets. Neither of them wasted much time.
Yet the warehouses were crammed "Well," he said, "Let's get started,
with merchandise which Hymie could it's a long walk down to the Intra-
get cheap, wholesale for anyone. But mural Building."
no one had any money. Even the On the way to the J-Hop, amid
Local Loan Companies which for- deep breaths (they were practically
merly gave loans on your signature running), Joe found out that this
only were trying to borrow money lady of, or for, the evening was Judy
from the Reconstruction Finance Gallery, a winsome miss of 20 sum-
Corporation so that they could loan mers and 15 winters (winters are get-
some money to the government. As ting longer all the time). As he looked
- 1
This Is Zilch Number Eight
who sprouted the prehensile tail
Churchmouse Chase, the great econo- into her eyes, he noticed that heo
mist, would say, and said, the UnitedI mascara was sloppily applied and
States was suffering from overpro- that she was the only girl for him.
duction. Everyone was out of work, Again he crushed her to his manly
because the warehouses were full and chest and kissed her ruby lips.
the factories did not want to produce The Intramural Building was a
anything anymore until the articles in blaze of lights as Joe and Judy ap-
the warehouses were bought; and no proached it. Taxis were lined up for
blocks, discharging gayly bedecked
one could buy anything because thepssnr.
passengers.
factories were closed down and there "Hmph," said "Sober Joe" as he
were no wages to buy things with. saw the long line of taxis, "if some of
Thus things stood, or sat, or lay, these procrastinators had started out
Churchmouse Chase would say, and a little earlier, they would not have
said, things "sat," as Joe Zilch began had to have hired taxis to get them
to get into his dress shirt one cold here on time for the first dance."
night in February. Zilch had a blind Then he swept Judy through the
date and wanted to look his best for doorway, at the same time sweeping
the blind. Little did Zilch know what the crowd with a glance and the
fate had in store for him. Little, in dance floor with an old broom he
fact, did he know of anything. He found in a corner.
was a junior. But getting back to fate, At the end of the 27th dance, Joe
Zilch, even while he was under the felt that he knew Judy well enough
bed looking for his collar button, was to propose to her. She, being polite,
destined to become known as the accepted him in return. They were
second father of his country. married immediately after the Daily
Joe knew things were definitely on (yearly subscription rate $4) photo-
the upgrade when he walked into 3301 -rapher had taken his group picture
Rue de Michigan and found waiting of the huge J-Hop throng.
for him one of the most beautiful Of course there was a modicum of
women he had ever seen, though Joe joviality in the Chez Zilch, but there
was wont to claim that he never could was still no joy in America. The mills
a
i
i
r
r
t
E
r
C
't
r
t
t
t
t
t
t
r
E
t
S
k
r
were still closed down. Hutthings be reporters a ked him the secret of hi
gao to happen. Mr. and Mrs. J. Zilcht success, he merely grunted : "Heck,
became the proud parents of a boy, any one could have done that-I
guess I am going to go to the J-Hop
then of a girl, then of twins, then ofagain this year-it seems to have
triplets, until finally there were 10 brought me good luck. You know,
little Zilches. I my wife got a job yesterday."
One day, while in the attic looking
for little Zilch Number Eight (the
twin who was sprouting the normally
prehensile tail), Zilch ran across his
old J-Hop extra. In it, u deneath an f
editorial, he found a $20 bill. How
the bill got there is a story too long
to be told in detail, but briefly it was
put there by a J-Hop Extra salesman _--
who, like everyone else that ferocious
evening, was drunk, not with canned
heat as usual, but with the corny . . If Angell Hall was then built,
rhythm of the orchestras (Bob Steinle this is how it would have looked.
and Charlie Zwick and just who
wouldn't get drunk?).
It also happened that one day soon
after that, while stinking drunk and J AM ES F
less frugal than usual, Joe decided
that if the 10 little Zilches were to AND HIS C
keep from getting wet feet when it
rained, they would have to have shoes. " h .o
emedh v The U. of i
Marshalling them together, he took
them down to "Ye Little ootieox Re-engaged for these T
to outfit them. Cobwebs and numer-cengefoths
os signs indicating clearance, fire,
end of the week, month, year and
world sales greeted him. The word got H A I
around that "Joe Zilch was going to
make a purchase," and the whole JUN I
town, including a brass band, came from New York to Cobh, Cherb
out to greet him.
As eternal fate would have it, the
'Ye Little BootieB ox" did not haveS
the size that the ti1.Z.'s required and B
so the proprietor sent post-haste aAUGUS
messenger to the warehouse to get AUGU
the 10 pairs of shoes. Immediately, from Bremen, calling att
the shoe factory had to start up again
to restock the warehouse. Help had
to be hired and consequently wages Note these special "En
(small as they were) had to be paid.
When the wages were finally paid Deutscland June 16
the wage-earners bought more goods Bremen June 16
and more factories had to be started Columbus - June 30 -
and when more factories were started,
more wages were paid-ad infinitum See Your Local7
and ad absurdum. All the eligible vot-
ers found two cars in every garage,
two chickens in every pot and two H B G
yolks in every egg-as well as two NORTH GER
bills in every envelope.
Joe Zilch became the hero of the 1205 Washington Blvd.
hour. But he was modest. When the
MONDAY
is
VALENTINE'S
DAY
She will appreciate
a beautiful corsage
from
CHELSEA
FLOWER SHOP
Phone 2-2973
209 EAST LIBERTY
FISCHER
iRCHESTRA
M. Skippers"
rans-Atlantic Crossings:
ABURG
E 23
ourg, Southampton, Hamburg
EMEN
ST 16
Cherbourg, Southampton
nd-of-Term" Sailings:
Europa June 22
New York June 30
- Special Student Sailing
Travel Agent, or
ERICAN LINE
MAN LLOYD
- - Detroit, Michigan
I
Van Boven
-L is already a memory to you
smartly dressed men and women of Mich-
igan, a memory of lilting music, gay
laughter and high spirits. You did your
part to make the J-Hop a grand success.
In a more subtle manner so did we.
Van Boven styled clothes were an integral
part of the J-Hop panorama. And now
that it is over we are eager to serve you
for another semester with all the
varied means at our command.
Van Boven
Valentine Candies
Assortments of Creamed Hearts
Chocolates, and Hard Candies
SPECIAL VALENTINE BOX
2 Lb. Heart Box .... $1.00
We mail boxes anywhere
Superior Dairy Store
332 South State Street
i
i
ow .