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July 29, 1927 - Image 3

Resource type:
Michigan Daily, 1927-07-29

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About Walt

Walt Mason is a clever bard who
raises jack for eggs and lard and lives
a life of bliss by reading up on classic
lore-(the style of writing makes him
sore)-he writes it up like this:
Old Shylock was a lusty wight who
thought and pondered day and night
on schemes to pull down kale. He
.was a parsimonious beast-unscrupul-
ous to say the least; he should have
been in jail. Antonio played Venetian
stock and was about to lose his socks
when Shylock happened by. The ew
arranged a hefty loan-collateral in
flesh and bone-and winked a bleary
eye., "Hot bozo!" young Antonio said.
"I'm twenty thousand rocks ahead-
I'll pull thro' after all!" He bought'
on margin, like a chump; the market
took a sudden slump and forced him
to the wall. Then Shylock rubbed his
hands in glee. "Oy! Oy!" he said.
"I plainly see I've got the upper
hand!" I've got that baby on the hip
-he's either got to die or slip me back
that twenty grand." Antonio shook
with honest fear-he drank a glass iof
lager beer and pondered for a while.
'Perhaps I'll lose my life," he said,
"but by old Saint Augustine's head-I
can demand a trial!" He told his bim
-a handsome pip-that Shylock had
him on the hip and she doped out a
plan. She dressed herself in gown and
wig and as the judge went over big-
old Shylock got the can. Antonio said,
"That girl's. some ginch!" The story
ended in a clinch (as all good stories
must.) "Just like a woman!" Shy-
locks aid and straightway went, and
soaked his head anI cursed in deep"
disgust. -D. R.
Where are you spending your vaca-
tioi this summer?
Ashville, Deauville, Monoco, Riviera,
and then Bermuda.
I always go to Bermuda as a last
resort myself.
After the battle his eyes were as
two stars slowly darkened by clouds.
They call that gal "Giraffe," because
she's all neck, and she has a spotted
"Mother, may I go in swimmin ."
"Yes, but return at ten;.
Be sure to hang around the women,
And never hang around the men."
Oak: I didn't know you had a stop-
Ivy: Oh yes, it stopped with some,
light fingered stranged at the county
"I'm with you," said the flea to the
Can you tell me the difference be-
tween a co-ed and a chorus girl?~
Yeh-one acts up on a stage.
Girl: (to youth tearing off calen-
dar). What are you doing?
Boy: I'm passing time away.


7 #j
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The Haddocks
Suddenly there was a violent knock
on the door. Mr. Haddock, startled,
went to answer it. "Oh," he said dis-
appointedly, "it's you."
"Yes," said the bellboy. And so it
was. A cleancut, smooth-shaven chap
of perhaps sixty-five or so. "You
called me," he stated.
"Indeed I did," replied Mr. Had-
dock, "and I want you to know how
much I appreciate your courteous re-
sponse. I take it you are amenable
to suggestion?"
"Oh, certainly," was the response.
"But first, Mr. Haddock, I wish to ask
you one thing. DO you believe that
the Emersonian philosophy, specifical-
ly applied, has any materialistic ef-
fect on terristial inconsistencies which
clog and warp the esoeric development
of uor inner being?"
"Certainly not," cried Mr. Haddock
indignanently. "Sherman condensed
the wholeargument when he said
'war is-',-well, you know," he finish-
ed, nodding significantly toward lit-
tle Mildred, seated in a corner.
"'Hell," said Mildred interestedly,
blowing superb smoke rings -the while.
The bellboy was intrigued be her
young innocence.
"Oh, yes," said her father, "we
wanted you to be the brakeman."
So the train began to move. Mr.
Haddock called "All aboard" while
little Mildred went down thei aisle
yelling "Peanuts, popcorn, chewing-
gum;" etc. "Ding, ding!" went the
bell, but at this juncture the door
opened and Mrs. Haddock came in.
"My God!" she exclaimed, address-
ing the leading character in the
Bible, "what is this, another game?"
For Mrs. Haddock was of the type
known as long-suffering, besides be-
ing descended from Jesse James on
her mother's side.
"Well," said Mr. Haddock with dig-
nity, as he surreptitiouhly kicked lit-
tle Mildred, "I was simply explaining
the fine points of the railroad business
to Mr. Longenecker, Mr. Longenecker,
meet Mrs. Haddock, my pal and sev-
erest critic."
"How do you do?" murmured Mr.
Longenecker, as Mrs. Haddock left the
room. And then, "Don't apologize,
Mr. Haddock. I have one at home my-
self. My pal, my helpmeet, my wife!"
he said with great 'pathos, for Mr.
Longenecker had been educated at the

Many students in attendance at the
Summer session have often expressed
a desire to see a copy of The Gorgoyle,
campus humor publication, published
during the Summer months. It has
been impossible for the editors of The
Gorgoyle to do this, much as they
wish to do so, because of limited time,
staff and means.
However, in order to somewhat sat-
isfy the desire of those students wish-
ing a Gargoyle, the editors have avail-
ed themselves of the opportunity of-
fered them by The Daily of using this
page to give to the Summer session a
suggestion of what The Gargoyle is.
The editors hope that this effeort
will be appreciated and regret that a
full magazine could not be offered.

Johnny fell out of the train,
And got concussion of the brain;
He hardly could have had more pain,
Had it been an airplane.
Baby, whom we all admire,
Fell into a flaming fire;
Uncle, who is quite a sot,
Exclaimed, "I'll say your son is hot."
Ben nie
Little Bennie had a fit,
It didn't hurt the child a bit,
His mother didn't notice it,
In fact it was a benniefit.

. ""
' :+'° a

A Summer Idol
The summer boarder retired early
to his room that first evening on the
farm. As he prepared for slumber,
through his window !was wafted the
sweet smell of the country night; the
fragrance of clover, the heavy sweet-
ness of newly cut hay, the dewey odor
from the kitchen flower garden, a
delightful blend of a dozen pleasing
aromas. The boarder sighed in con-
tent, and sank to rest.
He awoke early in the morning.
During the night, the wind had
changed and the breeze which bore
to his room the aroma of the cow
stable also carried the fragrance of a'
tannery, in the nearby village. A dog
had apparently upset a garbage re-
ceptacle beneath his window. The
pungent odor of boiling cabbage,
mingled with that of strong soap suds
and steaming clothes arose from the
kitchen. An early morning marauder
had become alarmed in the chicken
coop, so that the reeking 'atmosphere
proclaimed "skunk" at every breath
the man drew.
The boarder reached for his bag,
and began to pack it hastily. As he
clasped it shut, he signhed, this time
with disappointment. "Ah," he mur-
mured as he left the room, "What
a whale of a difference a few scents
Honorable mention goes to the Ger-
man maid who asked her employer to
read her a letter from her French
sweetheart, and then held the kind
lady's sears so she wouldn't hear it.
Three old maids decided to go for
a tramp. Shortly afterwards the
tramp was accused of polygamy.

Aunt Agatha
Aunt Agatha went to Europe,
Fergot about her figs and syrup,
Fergot about her ways buccolic,
Fergot she'd never seen a frolic,
Fergot she was too old to prance,
Fergot she was too fat to dance,
Fergot that she was fat and forty,
Acted more like less than thirty,
Acted like a young school marm,
Acted like she meant some harm,
Acted like a giddy girl,
Ready fer a bit of whirl,
Ready fer gay old Paree,
'Ready fer a good old spree,
Lookin round fer somethinfrisky,
Lookin fer a shot o whiskey,
Lookin fer a real hot time,
Agatha's dream was just sublime.
Aunt Agatha went to Europe,
On the boat they gave her syrup,
On the boat she got plumb dizzy,
Kept the nurse and doctor busy,
Kept inside her stateroom always,
Never went outside the hallways,
Never took a drop o' licker.
Food and drink just made her sicker,
Never seemed to get her stance,
Fergot that she knew how to dance,
Fergot that shuffle board's the rage,
Acted like she knew her age,
Acted like a sick old maid,
Who, by mistake, from home had
Lookin fer rheumatics cube,
Lookin fer warm temperature,
Lookin fer some figs and syrup
Aunt Agatha went to Europe.
Aunt Agatha saw the Montmartre;,
(Those hussies never seen a go-cart!)
Aunt Agatha saw old Limehouse,
(Disgusting how they do carouse!)
Aunt Agatha saw' Berlin,
(Way they drink sure is a sin!)
Aunt Agatha stopped in Rome,
(Girls are worse here than' at home!)
Aunt Agatha stayed in Venice,
(Water always was a menace!)
Aunt Agatha saw the Nile,
(Imagine wearing just a smile!)
Since Aunt-Agatha went to Europe,
All she wants is figs and syrup.
Bye the bye, Gunneysdek, what did
old Sir Toby say when the buffalo de-
voured his little boy right before his
"Lor' bless. me, Bolyngreen, if he
didn't stoically exclaim 'Good bi-son'."

6 .1


.a = i

Prithee, Robinhood, can you sing "In a Gondola?"
Be on your horse, Coventry, I can't sing in a bathtub.

University of Michigan. (Adv.)
So saying, he left the room, and
Mr. Haddock and little Mildred resum-
ed their knitting, which had been so
rudely interrupted.
Question: What was the most
momentous invention of all times?
Answer: The invention of the clock.

Little Willie: Mother, there's one
kind of cake I don't like.
Mother And what is it, Willie?
L. W.: Stummy cake, mother.


That's a ridiculous outfit
So's your old Mantilla.


. l

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Why Not A Steak Roast This Week End?
(and see if your girl can cook)


' 4'
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There are many picnic places on
the banks of the Huron, (at which
to make this experiment.)




rgetting t-
With an Electric Refriger-
ator in your home you, do
not have to give a thought
to the question of the safety
of your food supply.
The Electric Refrigerator demands
no thougpt, no care, not the slight-

"Ann Arbor Unique Sandwich and Coffee Shop"
1108 SO. UNIVERSITY Opposite Eng. Arch

And don't forget to get your canoe at
Huron River at Cedar Street

est attention.

It is automatic. It

Read The Daily "Classified" Columns

maintains a steady, food-preserving
cold always.

There is no Substitute for
Good Food
We serve only the best, which
is prepared in a way that brings
out its distinctive quality.
After the show refresh yourself
with our many delicious offerings.



The Electric Refrigerator,
although it uses no ice, will
make ice for you -little
cubes of purest ice for the
table (you can tint them
with fruit juices or freeze
flowers into them, if you
wish). It will produce
lovely frozen desserts.


E 'I

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