Ure Licbifun uiaI

ICHAEL ROSENBERG
Roses are Read
Ony
In a blatant attempt to satisfy the
blic's hunger for little plastic
ings, the University has introduced
card this semester. The exact
etails of Mcard are confusing and,
uite frankly, don't make for a very
teresting column, but this much is
lear: It's supposed to be like money,
nly cooler.
Mcard is also meant to be an
provement on Entree Plus, so in a
ay, it is supposed to be Entree Plus,
lus. For those students who paid for
ooks, food, souvenirs, and tuition
ith Entree Plus, the change either
ems too good to be true or too true
be good.
Either way, it was inevitable.
card is just the latest in a long line
f different types of money. Histori-
ally, people have always been bent
n doing two things: parking illegally
nd creating money. In fact, money
self is an improvement over the old
arter system, wherein people people
ould trade something of value, like
eep, for something of equal value,
ke wool.
This system was summed up well
y a passage from the Dead Sea
crols, which read - well, I'm
araphrasing here - "Sorry, son, I
an't give you that. Sheep don't grow
n trees, you know."
Because of the obvious problems
at come from spending too much
'me with sheep, coins were coined,
y a guy named Bill. And when the
irst money was made, Bill walked
traight down to the market and
ffered a merchant five coins for
ome wool. The merchant turned to
ill and wisecracked, "Yeah, those
oins and a sheep will get you some
ool."
But eventually the people came to
ccept that Bill's system was an
provement. Not that the coins
idn't have flaws. As one frustrated
ncient Roman said, "You never
ave the right amount in your pocket
hen you're standing at the Coke
achine."
Even so, the coins were easier to
et into the machine than sheep.
That would have been the end of it,
ut a problem came up. It seems that -
ome poor saps created a whole new
ind of money, basically because they
id not come from old money.
One of Platos diary entries gave
Mother reason for the new money:
"So Marcus Aurelius says, 'We
ust create new money, as part of a
ong line of different types of money,
hich eventually will bring us the
card."'
Over the next several centuries, all
orts of different monies were
reated. Obviously, none of them
attered much, because if they did, I
ould spend more time talking about
hem.
The course of U.S. history has been
Itered by the creation of new Iinds
f money. At the third Constitutional
onvention, Alexander Hamilton
emarked - well, I'm paraphrasing
gain - "Let's start a new country

nd put our faces on money. George,
Sou be the single."
Money came to mean a certain
unoun of prestige in this country.
Those who accumulated a million of
George's faces became known as
millionaires. The most important
hing to remember about these
millionaires is that none of them were
my ancenstors, so I have no't inherited
many of George's faces.
This type of money is now spread
around the world, although it is
elieved that a vast majority of it is
used to promote Mcard.
There is a sad note to all of this.
Some of these bills - the ones
marked with a 100 - have been
known to cause hand cancer. If you or
anyone you know happens to have
one of these, the safest thing to do is
imediately send them to:
Michael Rosenberg
c/0 The Michigan Daily
420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109

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By

Brian

A . Gnat-

*Dily M

USI(OZ

Editor

Aren't summer music festivals great?
Where else can you see a band play an
arena gig to a crowd 10 times larger
than its usual audience? Where else can
you stand for 12 hours in humid, 100
degree air, bake in the sun all day and be
forced to buy $4 bottles of water and $6
crusty, over-cooked hamburgers? Oh,
and don't forget getting kicked in the
head and being covered with other
people's sweat. Hard to beat, eh?
After wasting countless hours and
paychecks to spend hot summer days
at expensive and usually sub-stan-
dard music festivals, I have finally
learned how to survive, and almost
enjoy the traveling festival with third
world conditions known as the great
Lollapalooza.
Between Lollapalooza and numer-
ous other festivals that swallowed up
concert goers' hard-earned cash this
summer, it appears that even smaller
concerts are beginning to take the de-
partment store approach to entertain-
ment. Almost gone are the days of one
or two bands touring together. Today
you can make just one stop and see 10
bands in a day, and never need to go to
another concert for the rest of the sea-
son.
Whether you spent this summer bak-
ing in the summer sun at festivals, or
spent it getting baked somewhere else,
this summer inspired a plethora of
cool bands to come through a town
near you, whether it be Detroit, Los
Angeles, New York or Charles Town,
West Virginia - home of the five-
legged cow and the legendary house
of mud. Your typical upbeat rockin'
little hillbilly heaven, and where the
Lollatrain has pulled in today to en-
tertain its thousands of alternative
rockers.
Scientifically chosen by the Daily for
its wonderful location halfway between
Ann Arbor and Long Island (the two
area most densely populated by U of M
students), West Virginia provides lots
of family fun not many other states can
offer. With a state slogan like "Keep it
in the family," how could you not have
a good ol' time?
The enthuiastic Charles Town crowd
seemed to enjoy all of the acts with the
exception of Pavement, who were pelted
with mud and refused to continue play-
ing. Guitarist Scott "Spiral Stairs"

Kannberg put down his axe and shot a
full moon to the crowd. Those wacky
slacker rockers! I guess having mud
thrown at them isn't the way to their
hearts.
"I apologize that we couldn't play
any longer," vocalist and guitarist
Stephen Malkmus said, "but we were
getting pelted. Hopefully we'll come
back to see some of you more civi-
lized folk."
Besides the mud throwing and whin-
ing of Pavement, the rest of the day
has actually gone pretty smooth. The
festivities were scheduled to begin an
hour later than usual because of traf-
fic problems in previous years, but
this year's fresh audience probably
couldn't have cared less.
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
kicked off the day-long show with a
great display of their ska-core
skanking, but seemed a little out of
place in front of 20,000 people in a
little hillbilly town. The crowd, how-
ever, seemed to enjoy them.
The Jesus Lizard rocked, but the
majority of the crowd didn't seem all
that interested despite vocalist David
Yow's stage diving antics. However,
my most thrilling Jesus Lizard mo-
ment was being poked in the ass by
Yow on the Bosstones' bus. What a
hoot!
California surfer dude Beck took
the stage next with a wild and ener-
getic yet thrilling set, playing the Gen
X anthem "Loser" and spouting out
"Fuckin' With My Head," blaring on
his harmonica and banging on his
guitar.
Sinead O'Connor had left the
megatour by now due to pregnancy,
so British new wavers Elastica filled
in with a strong set of their poppy girl
punk, constantly showing off their
trademark pogo dancing.
Pavement had mud thrown at them,
and Cypress Hill was Cypress Hill
with their typical, prepackaged
schtick, including a giant bong on
stage, "fuck the pigs" chants, and so
on.
Hole was whole, with Courtney
Love spouting off the usual at fans,
requesting them to "suck my dick."
She still continued to put on a pretty
decent set, while Sonic Youth played
a rather interesting set to only about

Rock and roll plays a big room

halfof the crowd. The other half walked
to their cars in parking lot.
While all the acts on this year's
mainstage sounded good, the rowdy
spontaneity that makes rock'n'roll
rock'n'roll really wasn't there for
Perry Farrel's alternative rock ma-
chine. Everything at Lollapalooza is
just about as contrived and predict-
able as the sun rising each morning
and Courtney Love yelling obsceni-
ties at her audiences.
This year's bands were good, prob-
ably even surpassing the line-ups of the
past two years. But where Lollapalooza
fell short with spontaneity and original-
ity, radio stations around the country
offered their own all day festivals, many
superseding the great Lolla.
Planetfest, sponsored by 96.3
W HYT-FM (The Planet) in Detroit fea-
tured old greats like Duran Duran (who
didn't sound so great), the Ramones,
Bush, and others. Other radio stations
around the country held a variety of
different summer festivals, with many
of the same bands playing at the major-
ity of the festivals.
The HFStival in Washington, D.C.,
sponsored by 99.1 W HFS-FM has
been credited as the granddaddy of
festivals. The Ramones headlined the
station's sixth summer festival. The
bill included the likes of Soul Asy-
lum, Primus and Shudder to Think.
Bush and Better than Ezra, who
seemed to hit every festival this sum-
mer, joined them on the bill,
But the best thing about the HFStival
was its surprise guests, something that
neither Lollapalooza nor most other
festivals offered. This year Tony
Bennett (my grandma even got excited)
and Courtney Love both showed up to
do a few of their favorites (separately,
of course).
Love walked out to an unsuspecting
HFStival crowd eager to hear the funky
bass lines of Les Claypool and Primus,
See FESTIVALS, Page 8

ABOVE: Dave "Jesus" Pirner of Soul Asy-
lum at the HFStival in Washington, D.C.
Put him out of his misery. BELOW LEFT:
Primus' Les Claypool plays that funky
music. BELOW: Donna Matthews of
Elastica and RIGHT: Beck at Lollapalooza
in Charles Town. West Virginia.

All photos by Brian A. Gnatt.

Bungee, sk
smoke: get
By Ted Watts
Daily Arts Writer
There was, this year, a new entrant
in the American version of that slew
of summer fun, that wallow of overly
long and involved musical Events
with a capital E, those things known
as musical festivals. They called it
the Warped Tour.
A travelling festival with a cen-
tered vision of its sound compa-
rable in concept to H.O.R.D.E.,
Warped was this summer's hardcore
hangout. With a bill consisting of
Quicksand, L7, No Use For A
Name, Fluf and Orange 9mm on the
main stage for the entire tour and
Tilt, CIV, Swinging Udders, Red-5
and Wizo on the second stage for
the entire tour, Warped was quite
obviously an energy-packed event.
Combined with the presence of pro-
fessional athletes (of the bastard-
ized in-line skating, skateboarding
and BMX flavors), it was definitely
a high impact congregation..
"(Warped) has more to do with the
culture," explained guitarist Chris
Traynor of Orange 9mm.
"Lollapalooza touches on that I think
... but this is a little bit more ... If you
notice, the bands are in the crowd, the
bands are skating, the bands are com-
ing on stage to jam."
"No one on this tour is on the
halfpipe," countered bassist Jennifer
Finch of L7. "What they're telling
you is bull. I'm sorry. I've seen
Charlie (guitarist from CIV) skate,

te, sit and
Warped
asphalt to the demo of the new Sony
Playstation to the climbing wall
where attendees could safely bungle
their way up a sheer wall with plastic
handholds and an experienced
climber guy counter balancing you,
and all free with the price of admis-
sion!
Finch also emphasized the differ-
ence between Lollapalooza and
Warped: "It's apples and oranges.
Lollapalooza was really about com-
bining art and music and politics.
This is a bunch of jocks getting to-
gether and having a good time. Don't
get me wrong, I like that."
Traynor more or less agrees. "It's
about Quicksand, CIV, Sick of it
All on the east coast and fuckin'
Fluf, they're one of my favorite
bands. It's 15 bands for 15 dollars
or whatever it is, skaters, inline
skaters, BMX." He was also sur-
prised at his enjoyment of the ex-
perience. "I was really skeptical
about doing a festival. Festivals in
the U.S. usually go down the shitter.
Not that this was a monetary suc-
cess, but I don't give a fuck. I'rim
having a good time."
Of course, the tour had more in-
teresting moments as well. Sub-
lime was supposed to be on the
mainstage for the entire tour. How-
ever... "Sublime had some prob-
lems," explained Charlie of CIV.
"They got suspended for a week. A
couple of arrests, the singer threw
his dog out into the crowd, and the
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