4' The Michigan Daily - Friday, December 1, 1995 c 1 E ticl igttn at7llj BRENT MCINTOSH MCINTOSH CLASSICS 420 Maynard Street Ann Arbor, M1 48109 dited and managed by students at the University of Michigan MICHAEL ROSENBERG Editor in Chief JULIE BECKER JAMES M. NASH Editorial Page Editors Just when you re not lookizg adulthood cmeps up on you t II Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of a mfajoritV ofthe Daily s (ditOwial oard.All other articles, letters, and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion ?f The Michigan Daily. kinder, gentlerMSA Chair selections point to new cooperation _(On Tuesday, the new representatives of the Michigan Student Assembly met for the first time, selecting committee and commission chairs for the coming term. The amicable meeting was a welcome change from the often bitterly partisan chair-selec- tion meetings of the past. If all goes well, this trend will continue for the duration of the new assembly. It is encouraging that the committees and commissions were not treated simply as par- tisan battlefields. The bulk ofMSA's work is done not in the general assembly, but rather -at the committee level. It is important to have quality individuals chairing these panels. Appropriately, MSA members took the se- lection of these chairs seriously, and not as an opportunity to advance a narrow political interest. MSA has long been hindered by faction- ".alism - parties have overlooked common ,goals to dwell on minor differences. This has ;contributed to student cynicism about the assembly. It has also kept the assembly from accomplishing many of its goals. One of the perennial political "battles" has been the struggle over appointed positions. In the past, the assembly saw long debates for committee posts, often while back-room deals were be- ing struck outside the MSA chambers. Fortunately, the new assembly selected this session's committee and commission chairs with a minimum of partisan bickering. This could be a signal that MSA is now serious about its work, and is abandoning its tradition of nonproductive party quarrels. This would be a welcome respite for students who care about their student government. However, it is notable that only two of the posts were contested. The two contests were amicable, and more ofsuch competition could have been sustained without the meeting turning into a political war. Debate and ideo- logical competition are important for any governing body. Also, MSA members must demonstrate that the lack of interest in com- mittee and commission chair positions does not translate into a disregard for the work of the bodies themselves. The movement to- ward inter-party cooperation need not stifle important debate and progress on University issues. Most of the committees and commissions are now controlled by members of the oppo- sition Students' and Wolverine parties. Only one committee is headed by a member of the Michigan Party, which controls a slim ma- jority of the seats as well as the executive officer positions. Ideally, all the parties will be able to contribute constructively to the work of the assembly, as they will be forced to cooperate with each other - the commit- tees and commissions rely on the general assembly and officers, and vice versa. Grand- standing and political gimmickry should be less attractive options for all parties. Students should hope that the newly elected MSA can translate its good start into a sustained commitment to inter-party coop- eration. The amicable selection of critical committee and commission chairs provides hope that it will. However, the assembly must continue to approach issues responsi- bly. It cannot revert to its old ways. Last week, I realized that I had grown up. Somewhere between my arrival in Ann Arbor as a bright-eyed, zit-faced politically incorrect freshman and my arrival in class yesterday as a tired-eyed, unshaven, still politically incorrect senior, I grew up. This puts me approximately three stages of childhood above either Bill Clinton or Newt Gingrich, judging from this month's government shutdown fiasco, and Michael Jackson will probably never reach this stage of maturity. But that's beside the point. The point is, I grew up. As much as my parents probably don't want to hear it - our wiiddle baby 's all gwown up, isn 't he? Isn 't he? Yes, he is! - or maybe as much as they do want to hear it - Hey, Carl, do you think he '11start paing his own bills soon? - I went and grew up. I didn't mean it. God knows that I want to be a kid as long as I can possibly pull it off. I want to play in the sandbox, and watch cartoons after school, and get sent to my room for pulling little girls' pigtails - but that's not going to happen. My sandbox went the way of my training pants and my training wheels; cartoons have given way to SportsCenter; and pulling girls' pigtails can now be cross-referenced with "assault and battery." "sexual harassment" and "sure-fire ways not to get a date." And getting sent to my room ? Let me tell you a little completely true story about my "room": I spent last yearabroad, studying in Lon- don. The first time I called home-not three days after I left Michigan -my mom oh-so- casually ended the conversation with "Oh, and we turned your room into the den." Excuse me ? You did what? The room I lived in all summer - for the last 21 summers!?! For my whole life? The room Ilhad wallpapered with posters and carpeted knee-deep with Sports Illustrateds? It's neat now'? It's "the den"? Yep, I grew up. Didn't really have much of a choice. It probably happened some time ago, but I didn't realize it until last week. I guess I missed some obvious clues. For one. I live by myself and cook for myself (not very well, really). If you have my driver's license in hand and can do that math, then I'm 22 years old. And I've been a little over 6-foot-1 for about five years with no growth potential in sight. Pretty silly that I didn't recognize my condition until last week, huh? But last week, it just hit me. I was hang- ing out with my friends, eating finger foods, and I turned down a third helping in defer- ence to "it." What's "it," you may ask'? "It," I am less than happy to iniform you, is what one gets if one eats too much food and exercises too little. I can't bring myself to refer to it by name, but "it" is that curious disturbance directly below one's pectorals that pushes one's naval away from one's abdominal organs, as if to greet one's conversation partner with a hearty "I ate way too much last month!" I do not have an "it." Not yet. But my buddies and I never once consid- ered what we ate, back in the halcyon days of high school. We never turned down sec- onds, or thirds or fourths for that matter. We ate anything in reach with no thought of our health, girth or weight. More cheesecake'? Why not, with two hours of basketball prac- tice to work it off tomorrow? Another pizza? Sure - football will burn those calories quickly enough. A two-pound burrito? I'll take that dare. I realized I had grown up when I turned down another cookie out of respect for my midsection. Call me old. Call me over the hill. Tell me all the jokes about canes and arthritis and prunes for making me regular. I can take it. On my 22nd birthday, my friends were quick to inform me that from here on out, there's nothing to look forward to. You know: At 16, civilized states let you drive; at 18, the federal government allows you to vote; at 21, you're legal. But at 22 ... hmmm ... is there anything out there, in The Void That Follows 21'? If that's food for thought; then I'm probably thinking twice about hav- ing seconds. No wayman. I'm not going out like that. I'm already planning: On my 25th birthday, I'm going to search out a car rental place that doesn't rent to 24-year-olds. At 35, I'm running for president. And at 55, I'll be first in line to join the American Association of Retired Persons. I may have grown up. I may not pull little girls' pigtails anymore. But I'm not getting old quietly. I'm not taking this one lying down. I'm going to fight this aging process. But first, give me another cookie. - Brent McIntosh can be reached over e-mail at mctosh@unich.edu as soon as he 's done eating. JIM LASSER LooK5 LIKE IS GOIN( TO *a. _ -a SHARP AS TOAST NORT H WES TE) THE ROSE BOW 0 4. NOTABLE QUOTABLE 1I never let my schooling get in the way of my education. 0 0, a . 9 - 0 a Am",& r - ,2r 1 N1?iiil Environmental robbery MEngler's cleanup plan ignores voters, land use O nce again, Michigan Gov:John Engler marked for a different purpose. has a noble mission and an abominable Proponents of the Engler plan argue that means by which to achieve it. This week his intention is perfectly aligned with the Engler announced a plan to clean up polluted fund's purpose. They claim that if polluted land in Michigan cities to clear the way for city land is cleaned up for development, development. The catch is, he's financing contractors will opt for the newly tidied ur- * this crusade with up to $25 million a year ban plots as opposed to feasting upon pristine from the state's Natural Resources Trust land. However, anyone who has witnessed Fund. the preponderance of strip-mall construction The trust fund - created in 1976 - uses in previously undeveloped land all over the state oil and gas revenues to purchase envi- state will recognize this claim as laughably ronmentally endangered public land. The false. This roundabout way of protecting fund earns almost $33 million per year, one- land is impractical and unreliable -a guess- third of which is used for immediate land ing game at best. If Engler is serious about ,.purchase. The remaining funds go to a parks conserving undeveloped or environmentally endowment, which will be used for future sensitive land, his efforts would be better land purchases. spent building and preserving the trust fund In 1984, responding to governors tapping instead of dismembering.it. the fund for causes of questionable relevance, By leaving the trust fund undisturbed, voters mandated that the fund be used only Engler would not be wholly left without for land purchase and protection. Engler's funding - voters passed a $425 million Sunwise budget plan would openly defy the cleanup bond in 1989 which is good for at voters' decision - a poor move both envi- least two more years. These are substantial, ronmentally and politically. However, it voter-approved funds -- Engler should use would fit with Engler's history of poor envi- them. If supplementary funding is necessary, , ronmental moves. The governor is largely to he should turn to the peripheral revenue s, blame for the bill that necessitates this new sources named in his plan, such as the $20 cleanup plan in the first place: Last spring, he million the state receives from unclaimed pushed through an industrial cleanup bill that can and bottle deposits. Combining those reduced private industries' responsibilities alternative sources with the existing cleanup and increased the state's responsibilities. In bond should provide ample funding for the the aftermath of this environmentally insen- urban cleanup project. If Engler raids the z sitive action, industrial pollution is weighing Natural Resources Trust Fund - ignoring heavily on the state's shoulders. In effect, the protests of conservation groups and the x Engler is tying to solve a problem - which voice of the voters - he will be faced with a le had a major role in creating - by cheating much bigger environmental and political mess taxpayers out of the funds they have ear- to clean up. it - Mark' Twain i PRESS CLIPPINGS Sports alone can't save a city By Brendan Koerner What price glory, Baltimore? Maryland Gov. Parris Gleideniig believes he has the answer: about $300 million, just for starters. That is the princely sum lie has promised professional football's Cleveland Browns to relocate to a city that has ached for an NFL franchise since their beloved Colts bolted for India- napolis a decade ago. The pack- age includes a new 70,000-seat. $200 million downtown stadium, rent-free tenancy for the next 30 years, $75 million in permanent seat licenses, all proceeds from stadium parking and concessions, and more than 50 perceiit of tie revenue from non-football events. It's a sweetheart deal that Browns owner Art Modell would have beeii a fool to reject. Yet not everyone in Baltimore is salivating over the prospect of the Browns. With basic services threatenied bylooming state and federal budget cuts.,Ifour state senators are lobbying to prevent Gov. Glendening fromtrading the welfare of Maryland's residents for mediocre football team. They have proposed diverting the mnil- lions intended for the Browns to- ward solving the impending ca- tastrophe. "We don't want to say 'gloom and doom."' State Sen. Paul Pinsky says, "But we don't see a lot of answers on how we're go- ing to make it through the upcom- ing finanicial crunch." The statistics on the crisis are disturbing. On Jai. 1, welfare benefits for parent family with two children will receive only $261 per month under the new plan, or less than 0.000001 percent of the sum Modell will rake in before play- ing a single game. A total of I 10,000 Medicaid recipients can expect to lose all of their cover- age, while an additional 200.000 will face severe cutbacks. Nearly 2.400 state and 40,000 federal workers can look forward to los- ing their jobs over the next three years - giving them plenty of extra time to watch the Browns - which average an astounding $52 per seat in Oakland this year - but it will probably prevent them from seeing the team in per- son. The state's public school sys- tem is emerging as Maryland's biggest loser. The Wash ington Post's Steve Twomey recently reported on the maintenance and overcrowding problems faced by Northwestern High School in Hyattsville, where porous roofs provide little protection from the elements and science labs must be conducted in the gymnasium. in Maryland, such abysmal con- ditions are the norm, and their further deterioration seems inevi- table. For the upcoming fiscal year, the state granted school of- ficials only $120 million of the $289 million they requested for renovation and expansion- less than half the money being doled out to the Browns up front. Amidst this crisis, Gov. Glendening - who still supports a 5- to 10-percent income tax cut despite his state's woes - has decided to bet the ranch on a rniat nr uartinnOllpnl t~uif' to peanuts, ripping ticket stubs and picking up hot dog wrappers at minimum wage for only eight days a year - hardly the type of full-time employment the city desperately needs. The latter figure is inflated by nonsensical projections, such as the overly optimistic prediction that 14,000 fans will sleep in Bal- timore hotels the night before each game. Gov. Glendening is also hoping that the arrival of the Browns will convince other in- dustries to move to the city, a lofty claim with little factual sup- port. "No busiiess isagoing to relocate to a city because of a professional sports franchise, ex- cept maybe a souvenir hat store," says Charles Euchner, an associ- ate professor of political science at Holy Cross. Aside from a pal- try $19.5 million per year in sales taxes and admissions revenues, the economic benefits to the city appear meager. Gov. Glendening has tried to fend off criticism of his lavish spending on the Browns by as- serting that the money will come from tax-exempt bonds and the state's sports lottery, rather'than the general operating budget. But his financing plan relies on unre- alistic revenue goals from these sources, and taxpayers will ulti- mately be stuck with the balance. The plan is based on projected revenues of $35 million from the lottery in 1998,although the game has averaged less than $21 mil- lion over the past eight years. The lottery commission has suggested the creation of more games, such as Keno, to make up the differ- enve Cnlifornian who were in trouble GTECH, which received n $2 million contract as a political f vor in 1993 -while schoors coi tinue to wait for tangibly div dends. The prospects for the bon( are equally as shaky. Baltimor which will be losing betwe $700 to $800 million from i economy next year due to feder cutbacks, is a weak candidate f< a respectable bond ratiig." This will leave the city's res dents affected by what Upive sity of Chicago economist All Sanderson terms the "rever: Robin Hood effect," in whi those least able to meet tax ob gations will be paying fi Modell's opulent luxury boxes "These cities are coughing hundreds ofmil lions ofdollars essentially subsidize a wealtl industry," Prof. Euchner lai(nen The most direct benefit Bal more can expect from the reloc tion of the Browns is enhanci municipal prestige. However, t "feel-good" sensation of havii an NFL team cannot begin solve the city's myriad diffic. ties. The arrival of the Browns w translate into an increased ec nomic burden at a time whi money is desperately needed preserve vital services such education and health care. GovernorGlendening and I cronies must understand th spectator sports function as e tertainment, not financial sah tion. As elected officials, th< obligation should be to their co stituents rather than a carpetba ger NFL owner. The novelty of nrofessior How TO CONTACT THEM Gov. John Engler P.O. Box 30013 Lansing, MI 48933