Monday, June 29, 2009 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com 9 'American Teenager' woefully unconvincing By BRIGID KILCOIN DailyArts Writer Ever scrounged for change to buydiapersor worriedaboutfind- ing a daycare provider while cramming for * your biology midterm and The Secret searching for fe of the a homecoming date? AllCan "The Secret Teenger Life of the American Mondays Teenager" - at 8 p.m. an ABC Family ABC Family drama detail- ing the life of a pregnant 10th-grader who strug- gles to balance the mundane rig- ors of high school with the recent birth of her first child - has the potential to paint a picture of the life of real adolescents all over the country. But it fails: The show's wholly artificial nature creates something impossible to identify with. After an infuriatingly long series of flashbacks from the sec- ond season of the show, season three opens with a conversation between focal point Amy Juer- gens (newcomer Shailene Wood- ley) and her mother Anne (Molly Ringwald, "Pretty in Pink") in which Amy complains that her mother isn't doing enough to help care for Amy's newborn son John. Amy's immaturity is one of the show's biggest flaws. It's difficult to believe that even the most self-centered teenager could be so unaffected by moth- erhood. Her constant sense of entitlement puts the show in the uncomfortable position of hav- ing an innately unlikeable pro- tagonist. Almost every character on the show is solely one-dimension- al. Grace, a religious teenager, makes reference to her faith in almost every scene. Wooden per- formances from the supporting actors, especially Amy's younger sister Ashley (newcomer India Eisley), add to the show's over- whelming sense of falsity. Amy's father George ( Mark Derwins, "24") delivers his lines in a gruff monotone that makes him appear absurdly angry no matter what is occurring onscreen. Show creator Brenda Hamp- ton seems to have modeled "Secret Life" after her previous program "7th Heaven," and the characters on both shows share wildly dysfunctional views on love and relationships and an overriding obsession with Jesus. Literally all of Amy's friends - from Christian zealot Grace to sheltered Ben (new- comer Ken Baumann) - are constantly preoccupied with losing their virginity. Even the lives of the show's adult char- acters revolve around romantic conquests and manipulating other people's relationships. This overriding focus contra- dicts the show's pro-abstinence theme and seems an odd choice when the mistakes that lead to Amy Juergen's pregnancy are bemoaned constantly. Unintentionally the funniest show on TV. Plot twist after ridiculous plot twist is handled with the utmost sincerity. For instance, see the scene in which Grace's mother and brother walk into the house crying after receiving the news that her husband has died in a plane crash, only to be met by a glowing Grace and boyfriend informingthem that the pair just had sex for the first time. Scenes like this would make the viewer think the show was supposed to be a parody of an overly intense teen drama if they weren't so deathly serious. While the word "good" would not come to mind when describ- ing "Secret Life," it's nothing if not entertaining. Viewers have to marvel at the sheer ingenuity of the writingteam in stretching a single pregnancy across three seasons and the totally implau- sible storylines that somehow manage to reach new levels of implausibility every week. "Secret Life" might uninten- tionally be the funniest show on television. Dumb summer fun Director Michael Bay other vehicles/electronic devices that turn into robot people called crafts-another Transformers - are working with the military to kill Decepticons, the brilliantly bad film naturally evil race. In their efforts, they come across a truck that fore- By BLAKE GOBLE tells the prophecy of "The Fallen," DailyArts Writer a super bad Decepticon that wants to destroy Earth, claim our sun and You're always entitled to diss show off his lava-filled veins. Michael Bay's latest bad creation. Of course, the Autobots must stop Roger .Ebert recently likened these evil Decepticons. And that's "Transformers: about it. If you want to know about Revenge of the Sam (Shia Labeouf, "Eagle Eye") and Fallen" to the Mikaela (Megan "toe-thumb" Fox, American auto Transformers: "How to Lose Friends & Alienate industry -- use- People") and what they're up to,then less, outdated Revenge of see the movie. They justdon't matter and out of touch the Fallen in lieu of alien robots ninja-fighting with the gen- their asses off in order to destroy a eral public. Fair At Quality16 pyramid. There's also something in comparison, but and Showcase the film aboutshardsof the last film's here's a different Dreamworks MacGuffin, the Allspark (some laser one. "Revenge" is machine in the pyramids)and Sam's like one of those destiny. All perfunctory. behemoth packs of Costco American Now, what constitutes value in.a cheese-bloating, bulky,unnecessary film that would otherwise be con- and a little bit on the costly side. But sidered American car and/or mili- the thing is, I like American cheese. tary porn? Well, "Revenge" is just Complain all you want about the plain dumb summer fun. Emphasis obvious atrocities of Bay's wholly on the dumb. flammable space opera. - horny It's easy to complain about what a robots, allegedly "black" robots, loud and obnoxious event this movie femme bots - but there's sdniething is. Again, it's filled with jive-talk- credible and ambitious on display in ing, white-trash robots and decep- "Revenge." In its lunacy, it could be ticles (you'll get it if you see it). But argued that "Revenge" is exciting, "Revenge" is a film that isn't afraid adventurous and entertaining. You to be brassy in its lunkheadedness. know, the type of movie you more or Like "The Mummy Returns" or less come to expect in June. "Godzilla" before it, "Revenge" has Sequel in a nutshell: The Auto- big money, little brains and a will- bots - i.e. the morally good cars and ingness to not take itself seriously. It wants to notice how silly its produc- tion is, which is endearing. Unlike last May's "Terminator," it uses the same size budget to actually have some fun and not awkwardly dry hump someone's legacy. It's a show- and-tell spectacle. Bay knows how to make a crass, fantasticsetpiece.Here,he'sworking on a grand scale, and giant machine monsters and advanced outer-space machines still using knives intimi- dates. Plus, his signature spastic, overactive sense of humor is here too (come on, a jetTransformer farts a parachute). Groan about logic, dia- logue and drama all you want, but that's just not Bay's style. Care about the "Transformers" legacy or how well Bay makes a wholly satisfying sequel? Tough luck. Bay makes brilliantly bad films. Ever see "Armageddon" or "Bad Boys II?" But there's always a baroque tastelessness coming through and it's quite effective. He's got style, and damn if you can't get into it. If you want to laugh at Bay for how he depicts college life in the film (slam dancing at Princeton with music video lights?), great. You want to make fun of people screaming things like "not on my watch!" while sweating? Fine. And if you loathe the film's inherently conservative poli- tics, you're in the right. We'll argue this all later. But seriously, just go see it and have some fun. It's all Bay and Optimus would want. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Costco.