Page 8 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 18, 1991 I don't like him Sam I am, I don't like J. C. Van Damme Lionheart dir. Sheldon Lettich by Gregg Flaxman Any amateur linguist will be in- terested to know how Jean-Claude Van Damme's reticent Lyon is fi- nally dubbed "Lionheart." In Sheldon Lettich's film by the same name, Lyon Gaultier - an officer in the French Foreign Legion - goes AWOL from his compound in North Africa when he learns his brother has been seriously burned in a drug deal in Los Angeles. Lyon shows up in New York City after what's apparently a two-day crossing of the Atlantic aboard a freighter; he has no money and no idea what to do. Fortunately, they speak only English in the French Foreign Legion, so there's no language barrier. Discovering what is described as "New York's illegal underground fight circuit," Lyon is dubbed "Lion" by a self- proclaimed promoter named Joshua. Subsequently, Lion proceeds to pummel an anonymous but very large opponent in impressive Shotokan fashion. Joshua, seeing a good thing, drags the hulking Frenchman to what I suppose is "New York's real underground fight circuit," a brightly-lit parking lot somewhere above Manhattan where modern day warriors battle and tawdry New Yorkers lay down bets in excess of $5,000 (yet mysteriously flash nothing bigger than twenty- dollar bills). Prior to fighting, Lion is christened "Lionheart" by patron Cynthia (Deborah Rennard). Like most of the characters, Cynthia is deprived of a last name, while Lyon gets more first names than he knows what to do with. The most important question posed by Lionheart does not concern Lyon but Belgian-born actor Van Damme and his presence in the United States. Are there immigration laws, and if so why aren't they being enforced? Van Damme goes through this film trying to evoke any of those innumerable Western heroes who were short on talk but big on action. Instead, the enormous Bel- gian seems entirely bored throughout the film, almost resentful of the camera. Even the numerous fight sequences - in a racquetball court, in another garage, in an emptied-out swimming pool - fail to enliven the film or Van Damme's perfor- mance. The repetition of punches and use of slow motion seem in- tended to assure the audience that, indeed, not a single blow comes anywhere close to hitting its mark. Eventually, of course, Lyon makes his way to Los Angeles, where he fights supposedly for the welfare of his family and where, despite the big pay-days, the characters still don't carry cash in denominations bigger than twenties. But by this time audiences should be catatonic with boredom or offended by the stereotypes this film totes as if they were accolades. One scene of a woman licking the blood off her fingers and neck- the blood that was splattered after a vicious blow in a fight - should be enough to force audiences from the theater. The film is so incoherent, fre- netic, ill-developed and inane that it has no redeeming value. Van Damme, who can barely speak En- glish, actually co-wrote Lionheart with director Lettich, whose previ- ous screenplays include Rambo III and Russkies. Obviously, the film is intent upon a final fight sequence in which the most colossal, threatening, invincible titan is found for Lyon to duel with- as if he might actually lose this bout. Lionheart doesn't require a suspension of reality, rather a suspension of even nominal intelligence. This isn't filmmaking- it's the World Wrestling Federation. And it's in- sultingly bad. The production notes for Lionheart claim that Jean Claude Van Damme would look at home adorning the cover, of Gentleman's Quarterly, prompting the question: Do martial arts and menswear mix? Rock Amadeus for his birthday by Sue Useimann Lionheart is playing at Showcase. COLLAGE Continued from page 5 Orpheus Singers and the University Symphony Orchestra will be spotlighted in their various perches on Hill Auditorium's stage. Information Officer Marilyn Dreiter says of the concert, "This is a different way of listening to music. You become aware of differences in style." The collage's appeal to a busy student might lie in the opportunity to listen to excerpts of many popular works Within the space of a few hours. After just one evening of attendance; you can tell your friends that you heard more than ten works of great music. Who says you don't expose yourself to high culture? For those who seek more than just a tour of several centuries of music A la David Lynch, the concert will display the talents of conductors such as Gustav Meier, H. Robert Reynolds and Jerry Blackstone. Their batons will wield both the lyrical melodies of Strauss's Death and Transfiguration, op.24 and the rau- cous entertainment of musical the- ater. For those with aspirations in the field of music education, the concert's intermission will allow for hobnobbing with educators from all over Michigan. The Collage Concert will be an exciting conclusion to today's con- ference activities. Priority seating will be given to conference guests, but about 2,000 seats should be available for the little people. Though this stunning array of music will provide a priceless evening of entertainment, admission is free. COLLAGE XIV will begin tonight at 8:15 p.m. in Hill Auditorium. Conference guests will be admitted from 7:30 p.m.-7:55 p.m.At 7.55 p.m., doors will be opened to the general public. F or one month, the Kerrytown Concert House will celebrate the 200th anniversary of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's birth. Forte-pi- anist Penelope Crawford, known for her enthusiasm and vitality in this subject, will perform a concert of the composer's work. Although she began on the modern piano, in the past decade Crawford's interests have veered. toward the harpsichord and forte- piano, two earlier ancestors of the modern piano. "I love early music," she said, "and I welcome the idea of digging out answers to the' musical traditions that many people overlook." Crawford has spent many years researching the different techniques involved in playing the older instruments, as well as the actual construction of some harpsichords. Her involvement with the Mozart festival is no surprise, considering her knowledge of his life and her affinity for his music. Not only does she concern herself with the style in which he played his music, but she owns an original Mozart piano, an instrument distinguished from moderns in that its range is five and one-half octaves rather than eight. The construction of the Mozart piano is also much lighter. "This produces a clear, bright, colorful sound," said Crawford. Today, as a part-time teacher at the University and the Oberlin Baroque Performance Institute, Crawford scarcely finds time to think about the future, although she says she would like to begin expanding her performances to include pieces of the 19th century as well. "Because of the historical function of the forte-piano, most of the music I play is from the late 18th or early 19th century."'0 Although Crawford mentioned that she misses playing such greats as Brahms, she rarely finds limita- tions in the number of pieces she can perform. "The period between the forte-piano (and the subsequent. rise of the modern piano) spans approximately 300 years," she, said. Crawford is presently content with her focus in late-18th and early-19th century music. "I have no desire to return to the modern piano and the gymnastics required to play it," she said. P PENELOPE CRAWFORD will be performing Sunday at 4 p.m. in the; Kerrytown Concert House, 415 N. Fourth Ave. Admission is $10 and $15. Reservations can be made by calling 769-2999. Save the LPI Daily Arts n4 Daily Arts has a new Dept., Fine Arts covering Classical Music and Art interested in writing for it? telephone 763-0379 h 4. Are You Interested In: " Working with other students in a residence hall environment? " Developing a spirit of community within a residence hall? " Developing and strengthening skills In group leadership and advising? " Creating programming for a diverse resident population? * Developing new lifetime skills and talents? IEY WEST* Comfort Inn For Reservations, call 1-800-228-5150 or 1-305-294-3773 4 4 Resident Staff Selection Information Meetings Thursday, January 17, 7-9 pm Sunday, January 20, 1-3 pm Both sessions in MLB Auditorium 3 All new RD, RAIRFIMPA applicants must attend one of these meetings. Applications for RAIRFIRDIMPA positions will be distributed ONLY at these sessions. For more information contact: The Residence Education Office 1500 SAB, 763-3161. r Religious f Services~ ANN ARBOR INSTITUTE BRANCH 914 Hill Street SUND2AY, Jan. 20: The Prodigal Son-7-9 p.m. CANTIERBURY HOUSE (Episcopal Church at U-M) 218 N. Division (at Catherine> SUNDAY SCHEDFULE Holy Eucharist-5 p.m. at St. Andrew's Supper-6 p.m. at Canterbury House The Rev. Virginia Peacock, Ph.D., Chaplain Call 665-0606 FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH AMERICAN BAPTIST CAMPUS CENTER 502 E. Huron SUN.: Worship-9:55 a.m. WED.: Supper & fellowship-5:30 p.m. LUTHERAN CAMPUS MINISTRY LORD OF LIGHT LUTHERAN CHURCH, ELCA 801 South Forest (at f lilt Street), 668-7622 SUNDAY: Worship-10 a.m. WEDNESDAY: Worship-7:30 p.m. Campus Pastor: John Rollefson ST. MARY'S STUDENT PARISH (A Roman Catholic Parish at U-M) 331 Thompson Street SAT.: Weekend Liturgies-5 p.m., and SUN.:-8:30 a.m., 10 a.m., 12 noon, and 5 p.m. FRI,: Confessions-4-5 p.m. WED., Jan. 23: Appalachia Trip Orintation-7 p.m. SU. Jan. 27: Town Meeting on Qualifications Must be ar rstered UofM studenton the Ann Arbor campus during period . of employnent. RA/RF/RD/MPA Trotter House Staff: Must have completd mmifimm oftot(etermsorits equialent and 48 underg ot cmd hours by endofspnngterm 1991. Undergraduate appicants must have at least a 2.50 cuuiewGFA at the time of appliation. Graduate students must be in good academics tg at the time of application. Computer Traers. Head LIbrikmand GSTA Resident Felows have different Positions Available Residen aDirectos Ass. Rdent Directors Minority Peer Advisors Head Libarians Resident Advisors ResComp Computer Trainers Trotter House Staff (U-M Minority Cultural Cent GSTA resident Felows (PVCo e Communt a %m-%rA I n I I I I