Best Week-Long
Controversy over an
Allegedly Dead Rock
Star
The Mark Binelli-Forrest Green
III-Nabeel Zuberi "Elvis was cool/
Elvis never meant shit to me"
debacle
Best Video Store
Liberty Street, in our opinion;
Blockbuster said the voters
Worst Video Store
Wolverine Video (by far)
Its proximity doesn't make up
for the rudeness, the lousy selection,
and the absurdly high late fees.

Campus Theater

Best Actor
Richard Perloff (Endgame,
The Zoo Story)
There were other contenders
besides this third-year law student,
but no one else did an hour-and-a-
half play entirely with his eyes
closed (Endgame).
Best Actress
Jennifer Thompson
(Reckless)
Performed the entire play in a
short nightshirt, and not once did
the audience see her underwear.
Definitely deserves some praise, as
does Andrea Carnick's strong
performance as Elmire (Tartuffe).
Hard category, though, because

there were few female roles in plays
this year.
Best Actor in a Musical
Josh Rhodes (Cabaret)
Perfectly entertaining as the
creepy, sexy and frighting Emcee,
with strong dancing, singing and
acting talent.
Best Actress in a
Musical
Elizabeth Richmond
(Cabaret)
Another perfect star in this show
as Sally Bowles - better than
Broadway, which should be her next
stop (or else American theater really
is dead).

Best Comic Actor
Tie: Kenneth Weitzman
(Tartuffe), Jonnathan
Hammond (Ta rt uffe) , Jon
Glaser (Comedy Company)
Weitzman's violent tirades as
Damis ("Kill kill kill kill KILL!"),
Hammond's loving affection
towards living room furniture as
Tartuffe, and Glaser's MC Hammer
as the detective Mike Hammer
warrant giving all three the award.
Best Comic Actress
Elizabeth Richmond
(Tartuffe)
As Dorine, the bussel-bumping
maid, this actress proved she has
range. Really wish she wasn't
graduating.
Best Play
The White Rose
Couldn't go wrong with this
exciting script of protesting German
college students during the rise of
the Nazis.
Best Musical


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)86 - Best in Ann Arbor
)87 - Best in Ann Arbor

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Cab ret
Definitely. Also about Germany
during the rise of the Nazis. Is there
a pattern?
Best One-Act
Line
Basement Arts was well-
polished, but just what did the
ending and eating of five pieces of
tape mean? Endgame by the RC
Players comes in a close second, if
anyone could understand Beckett.
Best Opera
Don Giovanni
Worst Opera
Falstaff
Hey, there were only two done
by student groups, so one has to be
better than the other, right?.Turning
this comic opera into a religiously
symbolic opera (flying crosses and
all) was obnoxious and boring.
Seemed like one of Jim Morrison's
acid trips.
Best Choreography
Danny Gwirtzman
(Cabaret)
Extremely ambitious, and while
some of the numbers called for a
larger cast of dancers, "Two Ladies"
merits this award.
Best Lighting
Pelleas and Mellisande
Beautiful. Made the performance
seem like an Impressionist painting.
Don Giovanni comes in a close
second for the descent into hell at
the end.
GOLD NSILVER
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COLLECTIBLES
We are constantly buying
CASH CASH * CASH
We pay instant cash for
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Call for quotes or
come in for firm cash offer.
We also sellgold and silver
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jewelry, and all kinds of
metal detectors
Good graduation gift ideas
STAMP&COIN
3372 WASHTENAW
ANN ARBOR
(313) 971-6466

I noticed something peculiar
- while I was examining the "Best
... of Ann Arbor" ballots many of
you returned. Nearly all the
boxes in which the readers were
supposed to indicate their
feelings about each columnist
were blank. Evidently we have
little readership outside of close
friends and immediate family.
This has its advantages, of
:O T N course. For instance, I could fill
my columns with Chait family
...... inside jokes, and the vast
majority of my readers would
get them. Nevertheless, I have decided to make a
desperate attempt to increase our columns' readership. I
plan to accomplish this by writing about sex.
Playboy is coming to campus to recruit female students
for its "Girls of the Big Ten" issue. They have advertised
for any women who are "fit and well-proportioned," which
is their way of saying, "having breasts large enough to be
considered separate geographical entities."
Naturally, many feminist groups plan to protest this
objectification of women. I, for one, am revolted by the
whole idea of using sex to sell magazines. Playboy is
thrusting itself into our campus uninvited, stripping the
"fit, well-proportioned" models of all dignity, stroking
their egos, penetrating their deepest ambitions until they
believe that being laid out in a nude magazine spread is
Read WeekenD - It's D
WeekenD is printed 24 lours before it is distrbuted
the ink is dry ly the time you gt to Ead it.

Best Smutty Innuendos in a
Weekend Column, 1990-91

the climax of their college experience.
But obviously they're not going to cancel the issue; it
makes too much money. So maybe they can agree to a
compromise. Instead of calling it "Girls of the Big Ten," it
could be called "Women of the Big Ten," or even
"Womyn of the Big Ten." And Playboy could promise that
the models would include a reflective proportion of (in
order of importance) African-Americans, Hispanics,
lesbians, the differently-abled, and women of Vietnam-era
veteran status. After all, if Playboy is going to treat women
on this campus purely as sex objects, at least they can be
treated as politically correct sex objects.
Of course, both radical feminists and Christian
fundamentalists nationwide are fighting to ban this
pornographic smut altogether. I think that whenever
narrow-minded zealots on both extremes of the political
spectrum can agree on something, they have to be right.
And if that isn't enough, they have documentary evidence
for their claims. Several years ago the Meese Commission
found that sex offenders have a high tendency to view
pornography, and concluded that pornography must cause
sex crimes. The commission also found that sex criminals
tend to drool quite a bit and have loud conversations with
invisible friends, but for some reason did not also conclude
that drooling causes rape.
Of course, the ACLU types will always whine about the
Bill of Rights, but remember, these are the same people
who support racist speech and flag-burning.
Meanwhile, in other sex-related news, the University
has instituted a new sexual harassment policy. This policy

states thfif two members
(students, faculty, or staff)I
and one of the partners dec
sexual harassment, then cor
one of the partners has a "
other. In other words, if the
with sexual harassment is k
you, that person's consent
for having an affair.
Confused? O.K., let's tr
night James Duderstadt an
two people working late in
great surprise, they find th
from their work, staring he
Embarrassed, they hurried
to suppress the emotions b
both try to press the "G" b
hands brush against each o
to the overwhelming wave
They kiss passionately, clu
other's clothing. In the thr
"Oh, Jim, deputize me!"
Duderstadt and Swain
the Fleming building. But
begins to lose some of the
gimmicks, such as smearin
other's bodies, or learning
spark is gone.
Soon thereafter, Duder
promotion. Seething, Swai
with sexual harassment, ev
sex. Under the new Unive
Duderstadt, as Swain's sup
Now I'm not saying tha
But I willlet you know tha
"Best place for going all thi
Fleming Building." You ca
you wish. Personally, I thi

A

lc

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Voted "Best Take Out" by
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- Best in Ann Arbor
- Best in Ann Arbor

1990 - Best in Ann Arbor

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Expires: 5/13/91

2301 S. STATE STREET * ANN Al


_.


April 19,.-4991,

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