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And The floody does Tod..

a hot dog haven

On this we can agree: when
eating a hot dog, one should make
sure it is 100% pure beef, never
covered with ketchup, and done
in the absence of the wiseguy
who asks, "You know what they
put in that?"
Unfortunately, we agree on
little else concerning the merits of
red hots.
Noah: In my mind, a hot dog
should contain three qualities:
thickness, an ever-so-subtle spice,
and a thick natural skin
providing the dog with some
crunch.
Eric: Come off it, Mr. "Ivory
Tower" Finkel. I think you left
out the fourth quality: support
from the peasantry. I can just
picture you sitting in an office
decorated with framed maxims
on the wall like "Excellence is...",
drinking coffee from your
personalized mug, and debating
moral hypothesi concerning the
relative pros and cons of hot dogs.
Trying to compress the
qualities that go into a quality hot
dog into one neat theory is purely
pompous pontification. A dog is a
dog is a dog. Period. Take the case
of your 'casing' component. To
me, the only thing worse than
"natural skin casing" (read: swine
skin), is some form of "unnatural
casing." Hot dogs are best eaten
with only a modicum of
thinking.
Noah: First of all, Eric, the
plural of hypothesis is
hypotheses. Second of all, the

casing is not swine skin. It's pig
intestine. Now doesn't that make
it more appetizing for you?
Moreover, you could not be
more wrong in stating "a dog is a
dog is a dog." You're probably the
type who would rather eat your
dog with a Milwaukee's Best
than a Beck's. Face it, some dogs
are better than others and we all
have the right to demand the best
dog for our dollar.
Eric: Hey, if I could find a dog for
a dollar, I'd agree with you. As it
is, I went to three local doghouses
today (as a public service for our
readers) and ended up in the
poorhouse. For brevity's sake, I'll
take the high road and end our _
little tete-a-tete/ mano-a-mano -
duel and reveal what I found:
Chicago Dog
House
I recently went to the Dog
House - located on East
University near Willard - and,
at the advice of a well-placed
source, ordered a char-burger.
Considering the fact that I could
see through my burger, I had a
difficult time imagining how the
burger was truly a 1/3 of a pound.
But in the name of journalistic
integrity, I returned to the scene
of the crime and once again
ordered the burger. It was a good
burger.
This simple story is symbolic
of the Dog House: it does some

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NOA H F N K E L
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FOOD.CONNOISSEURS
AT L A R G E

Be back in
15 minutes
things very well, and some not so
well.
The Dog House, formerly Red
Hot Lovers, has built up a strong
following with its chili and
cheese fries - a meal in itself for
$3.49. Natural cheese, not Cheez
Wiz, covers thick, waffle-style
potatoes. One caveat: do not order
them to go - the cheese will
congeal in a minute.
Word has it the Tofu Dog -
marinated tofu in teriyaki sauce
with cheese for $2.94 - is also a
good bet.
Surprisingly, the Dog House's
hot dogs leave something to be
desired. They are ordinary and
small. Moreover, they are
overpriced. All of them, no matter
what the condiments, cost
around two and a half dollars.
The only place we expect to pay
$2.50 for a hot dog is at Detroit
Metro Airport.
Another drawback is the Dog
House's noticeable lack of
seating. One must have one eye

on the menu and one eye on
departing customers in order to
successfully jockey for a table.
Losers in this contest have been
spotted eating their dogs at the
nearby School of Education.
Le Dog
Chefs who serve lobster bisque
while wearing a white, French-
style cooking ensemble usually
work in places noted in MichCin
guides.
But we were fortunate to
happen upon a little slice of
international cuisine, right here
in a shack on Liberty Street near
Thompson. Fancy that.
" Le Dog is different, to say the
least. On the surface, it is just
another hot dog stand. On the
inside, it's a whole new story.
Consider: it serves hot dogs,
but no soft drinks. As its menu
proudly proclaims: "No Coke,
soda or pop - EVER!" It's
refreshing to see a restaurant with
such strong moral stands.
Besides red hots, Le Dog serves
gourmet dishes drenched with
paprika. Lobster bisque - a
creamy orange soup with bits of
real lobster - runs for $2.50. The
Cajun rice is akin to residence hall
jambalaya, but don't hold that
against it. The dish includes spicy
rice with chopped vegetables and
sliced sausages, garnished with
apples, grapes, cheese slices and a
mound of pickles, and costs $4.00.
Both contain more than
generous sprinklings of the
always-present paprika.
Of course, Le Dog must be
evaluated on its hot dog. Well, it's
two bucks, thicker than the dog
at Dog House, and is of decent
quality.

Biener's Wieners
The biggest question we have
is this: Is there just one Biener
Wiener man distributing his time
evenly between North University
and East University, or are there
several different vendors
competing at these intersections?
Hmmm.
Whatever the case, Biener
serves the best hot dog in Ann
Arbor. Hands down.
One advantage is its variety.
Biener serves four different kinds
of franks: the beef wiener for
$1.25, the Polish link for $1.50,
the mild stadium for $2.25, and
the hot stadium for $2.50.
All the ones we tried wvere
excellent. Noah especially liked
the "stadium" dogs with the
thicker skin and hint of spice.
Eric withheld judgment.
All are served in a French roll,
and, like the Dog House and Le
Dog, can be graced with many
condiments gratis, including
Honey Mustard or Grey Poupon.
Seating? Plenty. Just a grab a
spot on the Diag on a sunny day.
H---e-was a
Fred inn

Welcome to the First Annual
James J. Duderstadt Campus
Activism Awards, more
affectionately known as the
Doody awards. And if you're
kicking yourself now for
forgetting to turn in your ballot,
don't worry. Voter turnout was
lower than an MSA election. In
fact, 0.02% of the student
population - three people -
turned out to vote. So in the
CIIUPAC spirit of MSA elections, I threw
out the ballots and declared my
own winners.
First, let me bring you up to date on some of the hype
leading up to this spectacular event. MSA President
Jennifer Van Valey was originally asked to host this event,
but her invitation was revoked by Interim Vice-President
for Student Services Mary Ann Swain because "her
behavior could not be counted on." In order to cover up for
this, the administration immediately looked for a Jewish
Sandinista, left-handed, handicapped, senior citizen,
lesbian, Vietnam-veteran, woman of color to replace her.
Seeing that there wasn't one, they chose the next best
thing and asked Mr. Michigan Mandate, James Duderstadt
himself, to host instead.
Opening the ceremonies was our own Michigan
Marching Band with a lovely rendition of "Hail To The
Victors." Singing filled the auditorium. "HAIL, da da da
da da da, HAIL, de de de de de de, HAIL, HAIL, to
MICHIGAN..." It received a standing ovation from
everyone except sportswriter Mike Gill, who murmured,
"It sucked. They ALL suck. Why don't they do a!@&#!
high step anymore?"
And now... the envelopes, please!

Best Protest Slogan
Several write-in candidates emerged for this award,
many of which were used during the recent MSA
campaign. This includes CC's return to McCarthyism with
"No more sponsorship of anti-American rallies" as well as
the message allegedly written in chalk in the Mason Hall
bathroom: "Wash your hands after you shit. It's
COMMON SENSE." An additional nominee was the
ever-popular "Hey, Hey, Ho, Ho, <insert racist>'s got to
go!" But the runaway winners were the Drake's supporters
who yelled, "He doesn't care if you're straight or gay, he
won't like you, anyway." When asked to comment, Mr.
Tibbals, the owner of Drake's, who moonlights as Grumpy
Old Man on Saturday Night Live, responded, "In my day
we didn't have lesbians. If you kissed a girl and you didn't
have a penis, you grew one, right then and there. And you
said, 'Oh no, I've got a penis. What will my husband
think?' And that's the way it was and you LIKED IT! Now
order a sandwich or get lost!"
Most Hated Administrator
This was a close race until news turned up that not only
did Saddam Hussein have millions stashed away in
Geneva, but he was elected as a University regent in 1986.
After this was uncovered, he chose to hide in the U of M
steam tunnels and is now protected by the University's
newly deputized Republican Guard. George Bush has
ordered Saddam to withdraw from U of M or he will bomb
Ann Arbor, but Saddam refuses to withdraw, claiming that
CRISP has a hold credit on his account. There is no need
for alarm, however, as Bush has promised not to target
civilian areas, choosing only to go after North Campus.
Saddam's only decision yielding any praise was his threat
to use law students as human shields. Accepting the award
on Saddam's behalf was Iraqi ambassador Tariq Aziz, who
said, "Saddam could not attend, but promised that this

would be 'the mother of
Favorite Blank
The landslide winner
Revolutionary Workers L
UP (version 2), or the Ar
Unfortunately, they will
personally. It seems that
audience voted to kick t
Upset and dismayed, the
Awards and chose to hav
the hall in the coat room
Most Hated MS
This was a very diffic
candidates were so quali
took himself out of the r
MSA in his famous "I an
Williams has also chosen
recent weeks, resigning
puzzles in the secretive
newspaper on campus w
articles written by "staff
So as it turns out, the
campus, Jennifer Van Va
campus, as seen by her t
Jamie Green, Eric Stemp
WEEKEND'S crack staff o
Jennifer just surpassed F
Tracey Orr, and is 5th or
condemnations list, but i
career leader Corey Dolg
Thank you for attend
We request that anyone
follow the standard prote
writing letters to the edit
sit-ins outside the Stude
frequent rallies on the D


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Continued from page 4
was, 'Are you a feminist?"'
recalled Martha Coolidge, director
of the sleeper hit, Valley Girl, in
Time. "Well, of course I'm a
feminist. But I knew if I'd say yes
I'd lose the job. So I said no."
The New York Times pointed out
in 1981 that many men in the
film business felt that most
women wanted to make
women's pictures" focusing on
feminist issues such as rape and
abortion, or the films were too
sentimental for many
mainstream audiences. But
movies such as Lupino's The
Hitch-Hiker, with its all-male cast
and mounting suspense that one
modern critic hailed as having
"an agonizing pitch of terror for
its full running time," certainly
don't fall into this category.
Additionally, Hollywood ignored
the fact that men directed many
sentimental films, such as Robert
Redford's Ordinary People or James
Brooks' Terms of Endearment.
Women in the '80s also felt
there existed the old double
standard concerning emotional
disposition. They contended that
when a male director was being
temperamental, it's considered
part of the artistic genius, but
when a women is, she is "being a
woman," according to the Times.
Changes are occurring, but
slowly. Many women have
turned to the documentary field,.
yet there is very little flux

between documentaries and
mainstream films. Those women
who choose to attempt big films
oftentimes find themselves
working as an assistant director
or in another part of the
filmmaking process, such as
editing, rather than sitting in the
director's chair. "If a man has a

occupations is still a problem.
Even Rachel Talalay, after
producing parts 3 and 4 of the
Nightmare on Elm Street series,
encountered some problems when
directing part 6. "I would
occasionally get internal memos
telling me, 'Don't be too girly;
don't be too sensitive,"' she told
The New York Times last month.
Other prominent women
directing films not considered
particularly "feminine" include
Amy Heckerling (Fast Times at
Ridgemont High,Look Who's
Talking), Micklin-Silver (Crossing
Delancey), Katheryn Bigelow (Blue
Steel), Marisa Silver (He Said, She
Said), and Dyan Cannon (The End
of Innocence). But the most
prominent has to be Penny
Marshall, with her smash hit,
Big, that earned more than $100
million and her 1990 movie,
Awakenings.
What seems odd, however, is
that while Awakenings was
nominated for Best Picture, Best
Actor and Best Screenplay,
Marshall was not nominated for
the prestigious Best Director
award. Haines had experienced
the same phenomenon in 1987;
while her Children of a Lesser God
was nominated for Best Picture,
it was overlooked for Best
Director.
"I called (Marshall) up and told
her 'You were robbed, lady,"'
Cannon told the Times. "You don't
have a best picture without
somebody who has made it work,

and that is the director. The other
nominations (for Awakenings)
wouldn't have been possible
without her participation."
While many women are
furious about her snub by the
Academy, Marshall's attitude is
much more subdued. "They called
me and told me, 'You were
robbed,' and I thought somebody
had broken into my house," she
told the Times. "I'm not saying I
wouldn't have liked to be
nominated. It would have been
neat, but I'm not going to kill
myself." She also noted that the
same thing has happened to male
directors such as Steven Spielberg
in 1986 with The Color Purple,
which received 11 nominations
but not Best Director. "Maybe it

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Heckerling
woman forced on him," said 20th
Century Fox vice president Claire
Townsend to The New York Times,
"he'll hate her. He'll want her to
fail. And it will do more damage
to women further down the line."
The progress women have
made in the production end, such
as Townsend at Fox, make the
future for women directors seem
brighter. But sexism in both

7DEAth OF
J o by Peter Nichols
A Powerful Directed by
and provocatiye Dana Buck
dark comedy
Thursdays I
at 80 ,Y0 m
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DEARBORN 7 Days ANN ARBOR
2050 N. Telegraph Rd. a week 500 E. Liberty
(1/2 Bk. S of Ford Road) & most (2 Blks. W. of State St.)
313-565-6605 - evenings 313-994-3572






April 5, 1991

WEEKEND

Page 8

Page 5

WEEKEND