THE MICHIGAN DAILY

SUNDAY, AUGUST 4,1935



A Washington
BYSTANDER
By KIRKE SIMPSON
WASHINGtON - An off-hand remark attrib-
uted to Senator Huey Long about being un-
decided as to whether he would "bolt" the next
Democratic national convention caused great mirth
among Democratic national committee aides. They
promptly recalled the famous recipe for rabbit pie
which begins: "First, you catch your rabbit."
To bolt a convention, they point out, it is first
necessary to get into that convention. Party
conventions are as completely masters of their
own delegate lists as Congress, either house, is of
the seating of its members. All that either Con-
gress or a national convention needs is a contesting
claim.
* * * *
SURE TO BE CONTESTED
WHATEVER Senator Long's "kingfishing" pow-
ers in Louisiana, these insiders are wondering
in what delegation he can expect to get seated in a
roosevelt dominated national convention. Noth-
ing could prevent his credentials being contested
as they see it. Is there any reasonable prospect
that he could expect to get a voice in convention
affairs in view of his attitude toward the White
House and the New Deal? And if Long can't get
into the convention, he can't bolt it.
There is a lot to that, a lot that Senator Long
himself must fully realize. He is no political
novice. There have been times, not so very long
ago, when the seating of .contesting delegations,
with doubtful claims to representing the majority
voice of the party in their states, have shaped both
party and national political destiny.
The Republican "steam roller" convention of
1912 is one in point. If Theodore Roosevelt dele-
gations with convincing credentials had not been
shown the door in favor of Taft contesting dele-
gations, American history, political and otherwise,
unquestionably would have been utterly different
through all the years since then.
AROUND
THE TOWN..
Would you like to save the price of a good humor
magazine and still be roundly amused? . . . if so
. we suggest you go down to the local police
department and ask for a gratis copy of "Vehicles"
. a little 27-page book that came off the press
yesterday, published by the common council of
the city of Ann Arbor ... it is meant to be a serious
guide-book on the use of the public highways ...
so serious as a matter of fact that it is a riot .. .
let us cite a few examples and let you be amused by
seeking the rest:
Section 24 (a). No vehicle shall be so over-
loaded that the horse or horses or motive
power shall be unable to move it. (Hmmm!
We are led to wonder just who would load a
wagon so he couldn't move it!)
SECTION 29. When a horse-drawn vehicle
is backed to the curb in pursuance of Section
28 . . . the horses shall hold their heads at
right angles to the vehicle. (Now, Dobbin,
raise the chin a little more, cock the head to
the left - ah, now hold it!)
SECTION 37. Windshields in front of the
driver shall be kept clear . . . so that the driv-
er's view is unobstructed. (It seems to us that
the driver would be more interested in that
than the common council!)
SECTION 10 (b) Street cars shall come to a
complete stop before crossing the boulevard.
(Somebody really ought to tell the council that
street cars, in Ann Arbor, came to a complete
stop about 7 or 8 years ago.)
We're taking our hats off to I. G. Reynolds, and
Mayor Bob Campbell . .. they're the only ones with
enough nerve to put their names on the book!
We had a talk with Oren J. Guiett . . . of Flint

. who was brought over to Chicago yesterday
to aid in the identification of Zenge . . . held for
the murder of Dr. Bauer . . . he told us that he felt
that he could positively identify the man ... if it
was the same one . . . after Guiett left for the
Windy City with Detective Gehringer ... we turned
to Detective Harry Smith and asked just how often
can a person "positively identify" another one ...
and in response ... he told us this story .. . we
passit on . . . let us switch to the first person
and let him tell it . .. "I had been called over to
the Washtenaw county sheriff's office . . . and was
informed by the deputies that they just had a com-
plaint from a woman who had her purse snatched
. she said she could positively identify the thief
if she ever saw him again . . . I went out on the
street with a definite suspect in mind, having had
several complaints on him before ... after picking
him up . . . I took him to the sheriff's office .. .
and then we called the woman and told her
to come on down to the jail . . . when she entered
we stood the suspect in line with several plain-
clothes deputies . .. and even I stood in line ...
the woman entered ... and the sheriff asked her
to pick out the guilty party . .. she looked down
the line . . . when she spotted me . . . she came
unning forward with her little fists pounding and
calling me a 'dirty scoundrel' . . . turning to the
sheriff ... she said . . . 'There's your man!' ... I
needn't describe how she looked ... when informed
that I was the arresting officer!"
We noticed a communication in yesterday's Daily
. from Norman H. Anning ... assistant professor
in mathematics . . . it seems that he takes excep-
tion to some humor stories . . . credited to Mr.;
laines . . he claimes that they're a bit ancient
. you know, Norman ... we're twenty-one ...
and we'll be darned if we can help that we're iust

L The SOAP BOX
Letters published in this column should not be
construed as expressing the editorial opinion of The
Daily. Anonymous contributions will be disregarded.
The names of communicants will, however, be regarded
as confidential upon request. Contributors are asked
to be brief, the editor reserving the right to condense
all letters of over 300 words and to accept or reject
letters upon the criteria of general editorial importance
and interest to the campus.
You Should Have Been a Publicist
Editor, The Michigan Daily:
This is a letter addressed to the managers of the
Michigan and Majestic movie theaters: "Dear sirs:
During my recent presence at one of your cele-
brated movies, there was something that greatly
attracted my attention, namely, the timidity, the
modesty, the humility with which you advertise
the coming movie season. You put on the screen
that the new movie season will be fine, lovely,
pretty, beautiful, uncommon, realistic, pathetic,
tragic, comic, possible, creditable, roaring, blasting,
resounding. Now by advertising in this most mod-
est, most timid, most humble fashion you wrong
yourselves and you wrong your public. Therefore
in order to make known to the movie fans and
others the beauty, the grandeur, the glory and
the magnificence of the coming movie season, I
suggest that you put on the screen in large letters
the following description: The coming movie sea-
son, starting in the month of August, 1935, will
be the most astonishing, the most astounding, the
most surprising, the most marvelous, the most
miraculous, the most extraordinary, the most con-
founding, the most side-splitting, the most sublime,
the most unheard of, the most singular, the most
incredible, the most unforeseen, the most magic,
the greatest, the smallest, the rarest, the green-
est, the most public, the most private, the most
exclusive, the most inclusive, the most brilliant, the
most stirring, the most crushing, the most edify-
ing, the most heart-throbbing, the most nerve-
wracking, the most exciting and the most ex-
hilarating.
With best wishes,
-Ann Arborite.
'Beer, Beer, Beer, And ..'
To the Editor:
I propose an amendment to Ben Franklin's
famous saying so that it may read: "Three things
are sure - death, taxes and the question of in-
toxicating liquors."
Miss Candid brings up the theory of the ap-
proach of the sexes and asks whence the human
race. I would like to suggest a few more theories
by scientists who don't write for syndicates and
who don't make a living from making them up.
(1) If women keep on wearing high-heeled shoes,
before many centuries have passed they will have
hoofs similar to horses. (2) If man keeps on
improving his mental faculties without giving
himself more physical eexercise, he will ultimately
become a creature of all head without a body
to hold it up.
Does Miss Candid possibly mean that the Vod-
ka-drinking Russian is effeminate? Or is the
wine-drinking Italian woman virile? If it comes
to a vote for the most virile woman mine is cast
for the W.C.T.U. member.
If Miss Candid can show me pictures of Hitler,
Goering, Goebbels, or Streicher drinking (or guz-
zling) beer she will have made a point to me to
prove it causes the decadence of races. But in
many hundred pictures and news items I've read
about the Nazi government, beer has only been
mentioned concerning the famous beer putsch.
However, I do agree with Miss Candid on one
point -- these high chair children who cry for beer
in beer joints. Something should be done about it
-I can think of two; give them some and have
them stop crying or pass an amendment to the
constitution making it illegal for them to cry for
beer.
-A 1935 New Yorker in 1927 Ann Arbor
Suggested Examination Form
Dear Sir:
Modern examinations in English literature (for
instance) are well nigh perfect. I marvel at their
proficiency and can suggest only one or two
additions to make them the most efficient exams

on earth. The time allowed for the taking of
tests is commenddably short. I, however, would
have it even more brief and (using the Australian
Pursuit Race plan) would score each individual
by stop watch. Scoring under my system would
resemble the following: Student No. 3656, time,
:35.001, score 33%; Student No. 621r, time, :19.002,
score 70%; and so on - the idea being to em-
phasize celerity.
By using the text book piously in compiling
questions the instructor may produce such an
ideal examination as this:

Student Tells
Of A Beautiful
Hawaiian Visit
Geography Camp Tourists
Pause At Tropical sh
En Route To Japan
EDITOR'S NOTE: The following dis-
natch was written esecially for The
Daily by Miss Joyce Black, '36, who is
taking the field course in the Yamito
Basin, Jaan, offered by the geography
department.
HONOLULU, Hawaii, July 25. -
(Special) - (By Mail) - The first
faint outlines of the Hawaiian Islands
came early in the morning when only
the rocky peaks of the volcanic moun-
tains could be distinguished in the
distance. Diamond Head, the land-
mark for all ships, loomed blue-brown
and barren. Gradually green vegeta-
tion could be seen at the water's edge
and soon it was distinguishable all
over the island's surface.
White waves were breaking on the
beach at Waikiki and the beautiful
Royal Hawaiian Hotel appeared rosy
pink in the distance. As we ap-
proached the harbor, numerous Ha-
waiian boys swam to the ship calling
for silver and quickly diving to get the
coins as the passengers threw them
overboard.
The immigration officials boarded
the ship from a small motor launch.
As the ship docked the Royal Hawai-
ian Band and singers began their
songs of welcome and friendship.
Crowds greeted the "Empress of Jap-
an" with cheers, singing and beautiful
leis of tropical flowers. We hired
automobiles and drove through the
shopping district of Honolulu. Every-
where there were people, but, unlike
other countries, there was a hetero-
geneous mixture of all races and types.
In probably no other spot in the world
is there such an intermingling of races
and Hawaii has rightly been called
"The Melting Pot of the Pacific."
Wherever we went we were impressed
by the desire of the people to become
a state of the United States.
' Fine Suburban Homc
We drove on out into the residential
district with itis palm trees and
abundance of flowers and bushes.
The trip took us to the fine Oahu
Golf Course, past new and old ceme-
teries where the tombs of the last
reigning royalty are located. Fine
suburban homes with their beautiful
gardens were an unbelievable mass of
color from the flowers and trees
everywhere.
As the road led into the mountains
we gradually noticed the cooler tem-
peratures and passed many water-
falls and the unusual Upside-Down
Falls, finally reaching the Pali. Here
on the heights of a mountain we
viewed miles of agricultural land,
wooded upland, and the cliffs where
the blue ocean stretched beyond. At
the Pali the trade winds blew steadily,
and so strong were they, that one
coult scarcely keep a footing. Here
in 1795 the famous battle of Nuuanu
was staged. On our way down we
drove on a narrow road with hairpin
curves, passing at lower levels a
banana plantation where we stopped
and ate the fresh ripe fruit and
papaya.
View Sugar Cane
When we were again in the low-
lands we passed many fields of sugar
cane and stopped at the sugar cane
"Central" where we saw the small
trains bringing the cane from the
fields. An interesting fact about the
handling of the cane was explained.
The fields, before harvesting, are
burned over in order to remove all
the leaves and char the stalk. This is
much easier to handle and does not
hurt the sugar inside the cane.
Our next drive took us for miles
along the sea where we passed old lava

beds and Coco Head crater, the larg-
est on the island. There are no active
volcanoes on Oahu Island now. On
the drive back to Honolulu we passed
hillsides covered with cacti, and, in
better sections, trees and vegetation
new and unusual to us. The pine-
apple plantations formerly in the low-
lands have been moved to higher
levels and other islands to make
more room in which to grow sugar
cane.
That evening we were entertained
at the Hawaiian Village. This village
keeps native Hawaiian huts, food, and
customs just as they were hundreds
of years ago. Later under the grace-
ful palms in the moonlight we saw the
Hulu dances.
After a brief review of the tropical
city lighted up at night we returned
to the boat. The next morning the
great white "Empress" sailed 'midst
the beautiful strains of "Aloha" and
the throwing of leis into the water.
Once again the piers were filled with
people waving and throwing streamers
and flowers. Like others before us,
we hated to leave this lovely Pacific
isle.
Bricks 'Strike Twice'
,But Lightning May Not
ENNIS, Tex., Aug. 3.- (') - Fire
Chief Ross Crumley doesn't know
about lightning, but he can testify
bricks strike twice in the same place.
In 1893 Crumley, then a schoolboy,
was watching construction of a house
when a brick fell from a chimney, in-

Classified Direetor

II

FOR SALE
FOR SALE: Antiques, glassware, fur-
niture, jewelry, doll furniture, books,
many other miscellaneous items.
408 S. Seventh St. (Near W. Lib-
erty). Dial 7068.
ORIGINAL ETCHING BY DUBAIN-
NE-(FRENCH ARTIST) SCENE
LUXEMBURG GARDENS - $10
FRAMED. U L R I C H'S BOOK-
STORE, CORNER EAST AND
SOUTH UNIVERSITY.
FOR SALE: Antique jewelry, brace-
lets, brooches, earrings, etc. Rea-
sonable. Phone 8050. 2020 Dev-
onshire Road. 5x
LAUNDRY
LAUNDRY. 2-1044. Sox darned
Careful work at low price. 1x
PERSONAL laundry service. We take
individual interest in the laundry
problems of our customers. Girls'
silks, wools, and fine fabrics guar-
anteed. Men's shirts our specialty.
Call for and deliver Phone 5594.
611 E. Hoover. 3x
STUDENT Hand Laundry. Prices rea-
sonable. Free delivery. Phone 3006.
4x
MISSING ARM PUZZLES MAN
D'FUNIAK SPRINGS,Fla. -(P) -
James White lost an arm and could-
n't tell where to find it. He was picked
up by a motorist who found him
wandering about the country just
after his arm had been severed.
White didn't know what had hap-
pened. A few days later someone
found an arm on a railroad track. A
deputy sheriff said he had found
White drunk and chased him. The
man apparently laid down on a rail-
road track and went to sleep.
All Types of
, DANCING
Taught daily. Private
lessons only. Terrace
Garden studio. wuerth
ua Theatre Bldg. Ph. 9695

FOR RENT
UNUSUAL apartment: two rooms,
kitchenette, bath, suitable for two
or threeg raduate men. 540 Wal-
nut.
Street maps at Santa Barbara,
Calif., show the exact location of
water mains laid even as long as 50
years ago.
-- Today - Mon. - Tues. -
GEORGE ARLISS
"CARDI NAL
RICH ELIEU"
------- plus
"MARY JANE'S PA"
Every Day
15c Until 6-- 25c After 6
NOW
WARNER
JOLA ND
AL Is ON
"WIN
a Walter Wanjer
o e d u t i on
A Paramoun Picgure.
MA JEST IC

TJHE MICHIGAN REPERTORY PLAYERS
AND THE SCHOOL OF MUSIC
present
THE FAMOUS LIGHT OPERA
"THlE CH OCOLATE
SOL DI ER "
MUSIC by OSCAR STRAUS
' SPEC IA L
MATINEE
Saturday 2:30
Lydia MENDELSSOHN Theatre
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday 8:30
Prices 75c, 50c & 35c Phone 6300



Ug


Serial No. of student ---_
Date

Start
Finish

Score
DO NOT USE Barometric pressure
BOOK Condition of track
(1) Give title of poem on page 398 (The answer
is "Composed Upon An Evening Etc.").
(2) What author is included in pages 323 to
400 (Wordsworth).
(3) Do you understand line 120 on page 383?
(Obviously the answer is no).
(5) Are the verses of the poem, column 2, page
345 separated by Roman or Arabic numerals?
( )
More precise personal evaluations can be ob-
tained by having the student clocked while leaf-
ing through 500 pages blind folded and with one
hand behind his back. An accurate sponge-gauge.
can now be obtained that measures the quantity
of perspiration students produce while reading
so many pages of Browning.
Care must be taken to give no inkling of a forth-
coming exam. On the appointed-day the scholars
should be conducted to locker romm to chance

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