THE MICHIGAN DAILY

PAGE FNF.

'OUT OF ANN ARBOR BY MIDNIGHT':


'Lady
(Continued from Page 1)

'Causes Quite a Stir at Union

(;)

a scene over a plate of scrambledY
eggs.
"These eggs have not been fried
in butter," she complained to him.
The eggs went back to the kitchen
where the chef asserted that they1
had been fried in butter. A second
order was prepared and this order
was refused also.
"These eggs are shiny," she said,,
"they have not been fried in
butter."
The waiter once more took the1
eggs back to the kitchen and a
third order was prepared and was
refused.
At this the waiter called for help.
The assistant headwaiter took the
eggs to the kitchen, ignored the
chef (who had put on a ferocious
face preparatory to blocking any
further egg orders), picked up a
napkin, blotted the eggs in it to
dull the finish, slipped the eggs on
a fresh plate, returned to the din-
ing room, served the eggs with a
flourish and said, "Lady -, this
is the way you like your eggs."
She ate them.
"I felt a bit bad about that egg
business," the waiter said, "so I
tried to be nice to her.
"She was reading the Chicago
Sunday Tribune," he said, "and
right on the front of the paper was
the regular three-color Trib car-
toon with John. . U.S. Citizen
wasting good American dollar bills
by plastering them on a British
lion's wounds. I asked her what
she thought of the cartoon-, and do
you know she wouldn't talk to me?
"Right then I got suspicious."

(Mr. Laing has identified him-
self as the waiter in the case-Ed.)
To the waiters and waitresses
other inconsistencies were obvious.
One evening, as she was promot-
ing her scheme to provide funds
for "needy girls," 'she ordered for
her guests the least expensive (that
is to say the cheapest) meal and
insisted that she would have noth-
ing but a roll, since her "big meal
was luncheon."
The trouble was that her "big
meal at lunch was also taken at
the Union and had consisted of a
roll, since her "big meal" was at
dinner . The identity of at least
one "needy girl" seemed quite ob-
vious.
Shortly after, though, things be-
gan looking up, and she received
enough dinner and tea engage-
ments to keep her off the roll diet.
The first tea given for her was
very disconcerting for the rest of
the guests. They had dressed quite
formally; she wore her walking
costume; she always wore her
walking costume; during the tea
she amused herself by walking up
to professors and asking, "What's
your racket?"
But somehow, despite this be-
havior, (or more probably because
of it), the Ann Arbor creamed
chicken circuit began fighting for
the honor of entertaining the Lady.
Now and then she was a shrewd
psychologist. She knew that there
are instances when, although no-
bility lends prestige, ill-mannered
nobility lends enchantment.
She avoided the meeting by label-
ing the Chancellor a fraud, for
as she said, "English cathedrals
do not have Chancellors."

BRAUNSTEINS, HOCKING, AND PLAYMATE-Relaxing in a lax moment behind the Union night
desk, Alex Braunsteins and Ralph Hocking enjoy an issue of their favorite magazine.
Union Desk Proves Lonely at Night

By RENE GNAM
It's an all night job.
Running an elevator, balancing
accounts and serving guests' wish-
es are a few duties of Ralph Hock-
ing and Alec Braunsteins.
Hocking and Braunsteins, good-
natured Union desk night, clerks,
enjoy what to some persons might
be an unenviable job.
Main duties of the night clerks
are to balance receipts, including
those from the bowling alley,
billiard room, swimming pool -
when open, barber shop, cafeteria
and cash registers, and to check
y guests in and' out.
Other chores vary from waking
residents by telephone at desired
hours to punching out Union em-
ployees.
Answering Phones
Hocking and Braunsteins also
post local calls from rooms, answer
telephone calls all night, turn off
Union lights, run elevators when
necessary, and lock the front door.
at 2 a.m.
During - relatively. few spare
moments, Hocking studies books
on art while Braunsteins enjoys
latest issues of major magazines.
Tending night desk is a quiet
occupation. About 6:30 each morn-
ing the day's newspapers are de-
livered. Until then, the desk duo's

This led the Chancellor to re-
mark, when informed of this, that
"perhaps the Lady has been away1
from England for some time."
(Chancellors were established at1
Lincoln Cathedral in the eleventh
century.)
It was this episode and another;
soon after that accelerated the
downfall of the Lady.
The second episode involved a1
lecturer on British law. The Lady
attended this lecture but she con-;
temptuously commented to the
lady nex to her that the speaker's
accent was false and that he was
certainly not an Englishman.
"That man is an imposter," she;
told her neighbor. '
Disparaging remarks continued
throughout the lecture. When it
was finished the neighbor arose
and thanked the Lady for her in-
formation on the speaker. She was
happy to discover all this at least,
she said, because the man was her
husband.
There were luncheons and teas
and dinners; there were bridge
parties and lawn parties. If the
Lady attended ,the success of the
party was assured. To them she
was a prize catch, and we may be
sure that the Lady looked upon
many of the hostesses with the
same fisherwoman's eye.
Between public appearances she
studied the local Social Register at
at the Main Library,, where she
was ostensibly gathering material,
for a book on the Underground
Railroad.
This "background work" was not
always sufficient. There were some
teas she stayed away from, such as
the one to which she and the
Chancellor of Lincoln Cathedral
had been invited as honored guests.
It was things of this sort which
led to a certain distrust of the
Lady. Her vulgar assertion of her
gentility did not endear her to the
Union staff, and in at least one
case a positive enmity was cre-
ated.
The Union had at that time a
L feteria cashier who was firmly
convinced that he was a Polish
County (his accent was Midwest-
ern), and I suppose it was inevit-
able that his representative of
Eastern nobility would clash with
the representative of the West.
The Count had been outspoken
in his condemnation of the Lady.
He could not find her in Burke's
Peerage; no one could; and this
was enough for him. He was
genuine; she was not.
The trouble came one Sunday
evening when, the Dining Room
being closed, the Lady found that
she would have to eat in the Cafe-

teria. She balked at pushing a tin
tray along a metal track. She told
the Count that he must take her
order and then he must go through
the line for her and that he must
serve her at one of the tables.
His scornful remarks led her to
abuse Americans and their eating
customs. She should have recog-
nized that his scorn signalled the
beginning of the end.
By this time interested local
authorities were examining such
things as FBI files. There were
newspaper clippings. She was not
English. There was a record of
a sentence for arson. (What could
she have set afire?-a tea party?)
The Lady's campaign for the re-
lief of the needy approached its
end.
For those most interested in her
future there remained only some
problems of identification. "Fin-
gering" I believe they call it when
there is a woman in a red dress
and the finger points at a Dillin-
ger. In this case there was no
theater, either, although it promis-
ed to be theatrical.
"Where can we locate her?" the
local authorities asked, and her
interested friends said that they
knew that she was planning to
place flowers on the altar of an
Ann Arbor church at 9 a.m. on
Saturday. "In memory of Gen-
eral Evangeline Booth," they said.
Plans were made and everything

worked out grandly. The Lady
came tripping up the walk from
the Farmer's Market with a bunch
of lilies in her arms, the finger was
placed, and the authorities sug-
gested that her plans for the future
should include being "out of Ann
Arbor by nightfall."
"But I have a dentist's appoint-
ment Monday," said the Lady.
The authorities explained that
from their point of view her ex-
traction from Ain Arbor took
precedence over any previously
scheduled alleviation or medica-
tion. The alternative cure, they
suggested, might involve the ap-
plication of courts of law.
Back at the Union the story
had broken, and large numbers
of the staff were present to watch
her leave. The Count was among
them. It was impolite, perhaps,
but then ...
She asked to have her bags tak-
en out to a waiting cab, but it was
suggested that if she was going she
should pay her bill.
She coldly left .the building
without her luggage but returned
a short time later and paid the
bill. Evidently it was worth some-
one's while to help her to leave in
a hurry. She had managed to
cultivate a wide range of friends.
As she left she addressed one
parting remark to the desk clerk
who carried hr luggage.
"You are an ignorant, midwest-
ern savage," she said.

only company is the janitors and
an occasional late guest.
Activity picks up soon after
papers are delivered. Cafeteria
opens and guests are wakened by
telephone. Elevator operating,
telephone answering, and attend-
ing guests becomes a full time job.
In tending night desk the duo

encounters little excitement, little
variation. Most unusual visitor
was a bat, skillfully engaged last
summer by Braunsteins.
Once a guest suffered a heart
attack and was taken to a hos-
pital. On the whole, however,
Union night work is routine-life
goes on as usual.



Finds Billiards Room
Unlike Stereotype

By KEITH DeVRIES
A convenient place for weekend
recreation and study breaks is
provided by the billiards room on
the second floor of the Union.
The 22 tables there are in almost
constant use, particularly on week-
end nights and at the beginning
and the end of a semester.
The sound of balls hitting and
the hum of conversation from 22
tables contrast sharply with the
quiet, sacrosanct atmosphere of
the library across the hall.
The large room itself, flanked
on one side by the barber shop
moved upstairs during the Union

remodeling, is far removed from
the popular picture of a "pool
hall."
Its bright, fluorescent lighting
refutes every Hollywood concep-
tion of a gloomy, smoky, semi-
disreputable room.
Lining the dark wood walls are
pictures of Michigan teams from
the late 1800's on, with an occa-
sional framed apology where a
picture is missing.
Nor could anything be farther
from the Runyonesque characters
supposed to inhabit a pool room
than the besweatered BMOC's and
LMOC's leaning over the green'
felt of the tables in the room.

-Daily-Sam Ching
BILLIARDS-Student tries fancy shot in Union billiards room.

EXECUTIVE COUNCIL - Members of the Union's Executive
Council. Top row, left to right-Don Young, Tony Trittipo, Joe
Sherman, Duane LaMoreaux, and Tim Felisky. Bottom row-
Chuck Kriser, Roger Dalton, Art Gaudi, and Fred Wilten.





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It is with

pleasure that

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our firm has participat-
ed in the expansion of
the Michigan Union.
INT\OIS RfINGE C

Once again it is our privilege
to have a part in the growth of
the University by our work on

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Mt. Prospect, Illinois

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PLUMBING, HEATING, and POWER PIPING

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