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Page Two

THE MICHIGAN

DAILY

Sunday, February 12, 1956

Sunday, February 12, 1956

THE MICHIGAN

DAILY





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The Quarry
HEADQUARTERS FOR VALENTINE GIFTS

i

DAILY OFFICIAL BULL

__
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(The Daily Official Bull is official
and daily. All notices must be ap-
proved by the CQD and written on
green papyrus. They should be
brought to Rm. 1122334455 Sanitation
Building before the witch crosses the
moon.)
Notices
Regulations for J-Hop: Dancing must
end by noon. Lights must be out before
4 a.m.
All taxicabs must provide blankets
as well as mattresses.
Smoking in the IM Building, the pool
or on the sidelines is prohibited.
No person may leave the building.
Or enter.
Overnight sign-outs must be made by
midnight. Pajamas optional.
Breakfast must include 753 calories,
no eggs before 6 a.m. and no coffee
after 6:06 a.m.I
All left-over hops must be returned
to 0. 0. Buick in the IM powder room
by noon.
Driving Regulations: All persons
whose names begin with "X" or "Qq"
may be allowed to drive. We haven't
made up our minds yet. If you are
under 21 and in naval architecture,
you'll need a permit. Otherwise, you
can drive to your hearts content. No
cars allowed.
No-driving regulations go. into effect
at 5:15 a.m. today, by order of Ima
Frump, Pdq.
All evaluation slips that are left over
from the wall paper or the ceiling

must be returned to I. Fixdem at his
cell in the Tower. If not in, return
to 9000001 Penthouse apartment in Hav-
en.
Notice to All Deans: There will be a
brief four hour meeting six days before
the Ides of March. Expected to be
present will be the Dean of Men, the
Dean of Women, Dean of Students and
Gunga Dean.
Academic Notices
Prof. Huntington Klotzhammer's class
in gum chewing will not meet today.
Doctoral Examination: Overhil Down-
stream in Rm. 1 Deke Temple. Chair-
man Izzy Fride. Subject: "The con-
trapuntal effect of sound virbations on
the boiled fish in the League cafeteria."
Concerts
Choral Union Concert: We are proud
to present a special sunrise concert of
Fingers Rubenstein in a Choppin pro-
gram. Also performing will be Herbie'
and his Caravan, Hot Lips Horowitz and
"Scat" Campora.
Organ Recital: A Do-It-Yourself or-
gan program, featuring instruction in
the Third Movement of the Organ es-
presso. Bring your own stops.
Lectures
Special University Lecture: The Dean
of Women will speak on "How Wearing

Bermuda Shorts Can Bring Girls to All
Kinds of Sin." Transportation will be
furnished. The lecture will take place
at 2 a.m. tomorrow in the Women's
Wash Room of the League.
Oratorical Series: Because of the air-
lift, our regularly scheduled speakers
will not be able to be in the series.
Instead a series of six lectureshas
been organized. They include Mrs. H.
Catcher (How to grow Hawaiian orchids
on Japanese postage stamps), Iglefrits
Humphrey (How one can live as expen-
sively as three, or deficit spending has
advantages), Mack Millun (What it's
like in the Garden of Eden), Mary
Dallas (My Life as a Butterfly and
Harpy, or paying bills isn't necessary),
Marg Eveningwork (My mornings with
Herman and his sawed off scribbling
pad), and last Dusty Rosa (A h;orse's
Neck can bring troy less than Cressida).
University Lecture: Prof. Sump of the
Plant Department will lecture on the
intensifying elements carried by hair-
pins in sewage drains. The lecture is
opened to all pharmacists and sum
majors.
Coming Events
The Michigan Society for the Pre-
vention of Children will start its re-
fresher course tomorrow at noon in
the maternity ward of the horspittle.
All those who failed at J-Hop are ex-
pected to attend.
0. Howe Steryle, Pres.

Organization
Notices
At a meeting of all the wheels, the-
Class of '56 decided that their 1988
reunion will be held in Yokahama,
Japan. Class song will be 'Mama I'm
Off To Yokahama." Bring your own
tea.
Physical Education Makeup Classes
will be held from 4 a.m. to 6 a.m. Sun
day in the new swimming pool. The
programme will- include mental gym-
nastics, the alka-seltzer shuffle, draw
poker, craps, draw bridge and under-
slung bridge. Bring your own cards
and vodka.
Ye Olde Juniorrrr Commando Clubbbe
will be organized in Ye Olde Dean of
Women. The first meeting will be
held at 4:59 p.m. Monday. Synchron-
ize your own watches girls and be on
time. Bring your T.
Oriental languages 231: Conversa-
tional Sumerian: This course will be
offered next semester and every suc-
ceeding semester when an instructor
can be found to teach it. The course
will be conducted in the Southeastern
dialect in Sumerian used by all basket-
weavers, fish-mongerscand people who
read Spillane. The course will stress
idioms and idiots used in every day
life. Not open to freshmen or mem-
bers of the football team. (This is not
a snap course). Prerequisite: A Ph.D.
in- Saqqarra and middle Akkaran.
The Girls Dormitory Council will hold
an open house tomorrow to discuss the
draft.
Orientation Advisers will look to the
East tomorrow.
The A.I. Ch. E will meet P.D.Q. at
7 P.M. T. Th. S. to discuss the N.R.A.,
R.F.Z., W.C.T.U. and W.A.A.
The Karl Marx Society will hold its
annual meeting tomorrow in the
women's lounge in Angell Hall. Topic
of the Discussion will be "Uncle Hor-
ace" or "It Makes No Difference Who
You Sleep With as Long As You Both
Have The Same Blood Type." Same
time.
Faculty members of the Literary Col-
lege: All members who can neither
read nor write will report for instruc-
tion to Hill Auditorium at 2:30 a.m.
today. It is important to be prompt
so we can watch Charlie Sink shake
President Catcher's hand. There won't
be seats for everyone, so bring a coat
to sit on.
Vice-Sexy Prexy
Annual Art School Modeling Contest:
Al contestants in the Body Beautiful
Contest report at 8 p.m. tomorrow to
the Delta Upsilon House. Ha, Ha,
Chuckle, Chuckle.
Class -in Practical Astronomy meets
Saturday morning at 1:25 a.m. in front
of any dormitory.
Class in Sex Education: conducted
by exchange professor Marilyn Monroe
(exchanged for Bredvold) will be given
next semester in the Arb.

Even Regents Take A Rest

DAME MY


BUDAPEST
CHAMBER MUS
Geb. 17, 18, 19
Season. Tickets: $3.50 - $2
UNIVERSITY MU
BURTON MEMC

I

U-


CHEW, CHEW, CHEW.

BOOM:

Barf bladder Calls 'U' Food Burpable

(EDITOR'S NOTE: The following
article is taken from the Board of
Rejects report on flood conditions
at the University. It was written by
Dr. Barry Barfbladder, professor of
sanitary engineering and president of
the University Garbage For Gobbling
Society.)
This report is submitted as a
service to hard-working dieticians
in our quadrangles, who through
their loyal devotion to the cause,
have been faithfully striving to
keep producing better things for
better eating through chemistry.
To prove my point I personally
visited the beautiful facilities at
the Sloth Quadrangle, toured the
kitchen, and actually ate one of
the meals.
Prone Bone
Now from my bed in Health
Service I can honestly say that
the assumed situation is a com-
plete fallacy.
Upon entering the quad kitchen
I first encountered the chef mer-
rily chopping rubberbands into the
salisbury steak. He, looked like a
peachy fellow so I asked him if
he would show me around.
With a gracious smile he con-
sented to take me through the cold
storage locker. We washed our
hands in the soup caldron and
started the tour.
As we arrived a fresh shipment
of meat had just been brought
into the freezer. I can safely
testify that although it was a
reject shipment from the gross
anatomy lab, it looked in fine
shape.
Meaty Wing Ding
The chef, who had gained valu-
able experience for his job. as a
cook for Wing Ding Prison, gave
me plenty of time to inspect some
of the other products carefully
stored in the freezer. The most
interesting display was the row
of former dieticians who had
served to the end and were waiting

to be served for a change.
I visited the head dietician, Miss
Choodup Liveliver, next. Busily
engaged in pulling the legs off
grasshoppers for the dinner salad,
she hardly noticed my entrance
onto the scene.
What a kind-hearted little old
woman. She told me how the
serving system is handled at the
quad. To make operations more
efficient the fool is cooked and
stored at least three days in ad-
vance of the meal for which it is
planned.
P. V. Alma Mater
Miss Liveliver has excellent
background for her position, which
involves, besides her regular duties
of menu planning, intricate public
relations work. Although too poor
to go to, college she made' up for
that deficiency by purchasing
every cook book she could lay her
hands on.
Unfortunately they were all
written in English.

The satisfying tour over, we sat
down to a simply scrumptious
meal. It consisted of baked barra-
cuda on toast, strained celery
leaves on napkin, and parched
potatooes standing up by them-
selves.'
After the repast I asked her
how they ever found the formula
for such wonderful coffee. The
process is known only by one
kitchen technician who brews it
every day. The dietician tells me it
is her only pleasure in life ever
since her family was wiped out
when a fraternity pledge burned
her house down because she
wouldn't treat on Hdlloween
night.
Shortly after dinner I observed
the efficient manner which the
next meal is planned. It is abso-
lutely amazing to see how rapidly
those trusted workers can transfer
the remains of supper to the plates
used for the,next day's lunch.

LEARN1S H (
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USES ABC's

Coed Gets

J-Hop Ticket

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also

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